Ok so good news bad news, well mostly bad news.
Yeah you might have heard that they’re actually already doing a starship troopers fucking tv show. So fuck me right, someone stole my idea, plucked it right out of my head while I slept, those evil goblins.
But you know there’s also ‘hey they’re making a starship troopers show, this is awesome, I love starship troopers’ yeah well about that. I heard the guys who made the movie are coming back to make it including Casper Van Dees (however you spell that guys name. Really dutch name though like mine, I should know how to spell it haha).
And a normie fan of starship troopers would be like ‘omg that’s amazeballs’ but your cynic realist like me is much more jaded. Obviously it’s fucking amazing to get the actual stars of the original movie to come back for a tv show, the problem lies in them reprising their roles. See this sounds nuts, you’re asking “Why wouldn’t they reprise their roles?”.
The reason they shouldn’t reprise their roles is because no one wants to see a 50+ year old white dude running around and being the hero of a sci-fi action show. Sure I would watch that if he were head of Rico’s roughnecks but more than likely whats going to happen is he’ll be a general who’ll be in a few episodes and the main cast will be all new characters most likely extremely racially and genderly (that’s a word I made up) diverse circa 2019 i.e there probably wont be a white male lead haha. I mean it’s not a huge problem, well it is considering the biggest demographic of sci fi fans are also white males looking to live vicariously through the main character and we’re currently seeing how the new star trek and star wars is totally tanking as they made their central characters women for no other reason but trying to straddle two demographics and pander to women. And yeah I saw the new star wars nine trailer and no I still don’t care.
Which from a marketing perspective makes perfect sense, you assume white straight men are baked into the cake so you then try to get women and other groups of people on board. The problem is white men are the biggest group and if you lose them in the process you’re fucked. And that’s not even mentioning the story and characters so while you’re juggling your target audience the story and other stuff still has to be good.
And will the story of this be good? I don’t know because there’s almost no way it could be based on the book. Maybe it could be based on the comic books, that would be cool. But I just don’t know. I’m glad it’s happening but I think 2019 in the era of Trump is the wrong time for it to be good. I think it’s going to be a bit silly and counter signal trump a lot in a ridiculous way. I don’t think they could resist that since it’s basically a fascist dictatorship in space. So expect hammy political nonsense chucked in, I dunno it could be ok, but I doubt it.
On the otherhand I just saw the trailer for the Mandalorian and that actually looks pretty good and believe it or not the main character is a huhwhite male which in 2019 is like wtf? Because as soon as I heard the main character wasn’t Boba or Jango Fett I was like ‘Oh here comes the black lesbian bounty hunter’ haha. And I was watching the trailer and they didn’t show him without the helmet and I was like ‘yup it’s gonna be a black chick haha’ but no it’s actually a guy and I think the casting is perfect. Because they picked someone who’s not too famous but he’s just famous and interesting enough to carry a show. He’s just been in a few indie movies and played bit parts in some big movies so he’s at the perfect point in his career to be the vehicle for this. And he is a huhwhite male but he’s a huhwhite male through the backdoor haha.
Because he has a hispanic name and he looks a little hispanic and he has a spanish accent but he’s actually chilean spanish. So the dude is white and I was coincidentally watching a movie called ‘the prospector’ last night that he was in and his american accent is flawless and he’s a fantastic actor and would be perfect to play the mandalorian for a number of reasons.
I think his face and the way he talks and acts is perfect for playing an anti-hero because he has this sort of nice soft sort of face where he looks a bit like Nathan Fillion but he also has a ruggedness to him and a tone of his voice where you can see him being a villain. So he does this perfect balancing act between likeable and sort of sleazy and I think that’s exactly what you want from an underworld space bounty hunter/merc.
I really just have no idea how this Cassian Andor show is going to go up against this, surely they’ll have to cancel it. There’s no way that show can go up against this, I mean it’s made by Jon Favreau and it’s tangentially about the most beloved and under served character in the star wars universe. Everyone loves Boba fett and mandalorians. And who the hell is Cassian Andor? He’s mexican Han solo no one asked for. Makes me think the Han solo movie would’ve been better as a series actually. Because I actually didn’t hate that movie, I thought the casting was pretty good and the movie was pretty fun. Pointless but fun.
Ok so yeah it sucks, in an alternate universe where I had cash and connections and any social skills and I was born in L.A I would’ve made a bomb ass starship troopers show that would’ve stayed faithful to the book and the expanded universe and built out from that but ya know, maybe it’ll be good.
Anyway enough ranting, gotta look for a new job haha.
See you…
–
ExT. A park. Day
A small blonde child with his back turned to the camera is playing in the park.
VOICE OVER
Hey there little Timmy
Little Timmy
Hey there mister
VOICE OVER
Say Timmy do you like little puppies?
LITTLe TIMMY
I sure do mister!
VOICE OVER
Well get a load of this!
A cybernetically enhanced battle dog jumps over a rock.
Little timmy
Woah
that’s so cool.
VOICE OVER
Yes it is Timmy. Wanna know how you get an awesome neodog like this.
LiTTLe TIMMY
I sure do mister.
VOICE OVER
Join the mobile infantry’s
K9
division and you’ll get a cybernetic uplink to your faithful pooch so you can do your part together!
LITTLE TIMMY
That’s so cool, where can I sign up?
VoICE OVER
Maybe when you’re a little older Timmy.
LiTTLE TIMMY
Aww
shucks.
VOICE OVER
Why don’t you say hello to this little guy in the mean time.
The kid is handed a cute little puppy.
LitTLE TIMMY
Yay!
The kid and the puppy roll around on the floor giggling.
LITTLE TIMMY (
CONT’D
)
(
looking
at the camera) I’m doing my part.
Int. Inside someone’s bedroom. Day.
A normal looking guy is looking down staring at an intranet screen.
VoICE OVER
Why so glum non-citizen.
Guy
I missed the execution of that deviant pornographer.
VOICE OVER
Don’t worry non-citizen, we’re streaming round the clock executions on the
fednet
with highlights of the best executions and corporal punishment in federal space.
A video clip of the pornographer being shot by firing squad appears.
GuY
Awesome!
VOICE OVER
Would you like to know more?
ExT. Outside a federal brothel. day.
A
schlubby
looking guy is trying to get into a brothel. It’s a big square building that looks more like an office. Grey stone but with flashy
neons
signs outside.
VOICE OVER
Where do you think you’re going non-citizen?
GUY
Oh I was just…
VOICE OVER
Federal brothels are servicemen and citizens only.
GUY
But I…
VOICE OVER
Talk to the hand non-citizen.
The non-citizen walks away.
InT. Inside the federal brothel.
The federal brothel is a stark building where women are behind glass in what looks like a human vending machine.
VOICE OVER
One of the many perks of federal service is enjoying a federation joy centre.
One of the federal sex workers dressed in a sexy faux uniform smiles at the camera.
VOICE OVER (
CONT’D
)
Remember not all service roles have to be in combat.
Federal sex worker
I’m doing my part!
VOICE OVER
Hahaha
That’s the spirit!
VOICE OVER (
CONT’D
)
(In fast small print voice) Federal sex work does not guarantee citizenship)
InT. Recruiting station. Day.
Carmem
, Karl and Johnny head to the reception of the recruitment centre to join up for federal service. A vet with one arm and no legs is behind the desk.
KARL
Good morning, I want to join up.
RICO
Me too!
The officer at the desk looks past them at Carmen.
Desk sergeant
Good morning, young lady. What can I do for you?
CARMEN
I want to join up too. I wanna be a pilot.
DeSK SERGEANT
Good girl! You look like a pilot. If you’ll just head up to room 201 and ask for Major
Rojas
she’ll take care of you.
CARMEN
Thank you.
Carmen heads off to be tested.
The desk sergeant turns back sullenly to the boys.
DeSK SERGEANT
So?
RICO
I want to be a pilot too.
DESK SERGEANT
You?
KarL
I’m interested in the Research and Development Corps.
DeSK SERGEANT
Do either of you boys understand why they have me out here?
KaRL
Why?
DeSK SERGEANT
Because the government doesn’t care if you join up because you think it’s ‘cool’.
DeSK SERGEANT (
CONT’D
)
Think all the girls will swoon because you have a fancy ribbon in your lapel and you can tell people you’re a vet whether you saw combat or not.
DESK SERGEANT (
CONT’D
)
We’ve already got too many recruits than we know what do with, you think you have what it takes to be a real soldier.
RICO
No.
DeSK SERGEANT
Then go back home, go to college, get married, have kids.
DeSK SERGEANT (
CONT’D
)
I can’t tell you what to do, it’s your constitutional right to join up and claim full citizenship.
The desk sergeant wheels around to show them his missing legs.
DeSK SERGEANT (
CONT’D
)
They put me out here to scare people like you away.
DeSK SERGEANT (
CONT’D
)
Take your pretty girlfriend that just went, I hope she makes it but if she doesn’t they take her anyway and she could be shipped off to
antartica
and not see natural light for two years, doing nasty dirty work.
DeSK SERGEANT (
CONT’D
)
If you don’t make it,
that’ll
sound like paradise compared to whatever they might give you.
DESK SERGEANT (
CONT’D
)
Look at me, this is what service can buy you, if not the whole farm.
DeSK SERGEANT (
CONT’D
)
But I was lucky, you might not be so lucky.
DESK SERGEANT (
CONT’D
)
This is not a vacation.
DeSK SERGEANT (
CONT’D
)
So,
what’ll
it be?
KaRL
I’m here to join up.
RiCO
Me too!
Darkly Dreaming Demographic. 
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