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Darkly Dreaming Demographic.

Where weird shit hits bizarre fans.

Month

July 2019

Here before…

Once I had a child

She was smiling like sunshine

She could see it all

She’d been here before

Once I had a child she was

Wilder than moonlight

She could do it all

It’s like she’d been here before

Once I had a child…

Alita Battle Angel review

Kinda went into this movie with no expectations, I don’t think I even watched a trailer and overall I can say it’s a very flawed movie, but altogether pretty good. I enjoyed it pretty much throughout although some niggling things stuck out to me.

The plot is pretty basic, and one of the biggest problems I had at the start is the start. It starts at the start and people are like ‘so, isn’t that where you’re supposed to start?’ yeah I guess but usually when you have a movie set in this completely alien anime world you need a lot of exposition and world building and that takes time and it can be a little boring to slog through which is why you don’t usually start your movie with that.

So the start of the movie is this weird twenty minutes of pretty boring exposition dumps and world building where Christoph Walz finds this robot head and brings it back to life and introduces it to the world and what not which is this semi fish out of water narrative. We’re introduced to the world by her experience of it.

It works but it feels like it’s rushing to get this exposition out but also there’s nothing actually happening. But eventually you get to an action sequence and it was pretty good, I like the action, the level of violence is pretty awesome and they get away with that and keeping it 12a I guess because it’s robots. Because if this was people it would be an 18 for sure because she straight up kills people. People are decapitated and maimed throughout and it’s pretty cool because even though they’re all cyborgs they have human faces and attributes so it’s not like that crappy robocop reboot where he’s just fighting faceless drones.

The thing is if I wrote this I’d have tried to put this action sequence at the start and then when you’ve got the audiences attention you subtly drop the exposition in flashbacks or something. Because setting the relationship at the start with Christoph walz’s character dates it. You see their relationship in real time and there’s no gap to fill yourself. If you left it to a flashback it implies they’ve known eachother longer so they can care about eachother.

The acting is ok, the writing is ok, the effects look alright, I have no real complaints with any of it, it was a solid if a little predictable. But predictability doesn’t make a movie bad if what you predicted is fun and interesting, which this movie most certainly is.

Honestly my biggest gripe with this movie is that it’s a movie.

I just got this niggling feeling that it would’ve worked so much better as a tv show on amazon. It wasn’t a particularly long movie but it felt like a lot of it was trying to cram as much stuff into one movie as possible and I feel like some of it was crunched and some of the scenes feel more episodic than in a typical movie formula.

A tv show would’ve really let the plot develop nicely and in a more organic way and it wouldn’t have left us with an ending which felt sort of flat. And it could’ve easily been converted to a tv show since most of the main cast are already relatively unknown television actors, you’d just need to snip the bigger names like Walz and Jennifer Connolly, two actors which if I’m being honest brought nothing of note that justified their casting. I could easily see their roles being played just as well by someone much cheaper and less well known to satisfy the budget of a tv show instead of a movie. I know people like Christoph Walz and I like Jennifer Connolly because I love rocketeer and the original hulk but are these really big names that put butts in seats? Not really.

Overall I liked it and I liked some of the cameos like with Jeff Fahey playing the awesome cyborg dog bounty hunter and Nova being played by Edward Norton. But these characters just make me want this to be a tv show even more. If this were a tv show that cyborg dog guy could get his own episode or even an arc not just a five minute scene. That’s what I hate about this movie, it has so much potential I feel like is being wasted just to cram it into this hunger games style movie template because that’s what they think will make the most money.

To be honest I think the hunger games model is played out since most those trilogies just sort of fizzle out and we had this slew of teen movies after which tried and failed to emulate that. I just want to watch a full real satisfying movie with a beginning middle and end and not have to watch a sequel or a trilogy or just a non movie. I really really want to not have the only real complete movie I’ve seen this year be about a talking yellow electric rat.

Yeah I know this movie was last year I guess, like I go to the cinemas anymore. If you go to the cinema these days you’re an idiot, there’s just not enough decent movies out there these days to justify it when you have streaming services. You pay once or a monthly fee and you get to churn through all this garbage looking for the hidden gem in the comfort of your own home, what’s not to love?

Genuinely not shilling haha.

I don’t have much more to say about except I really enjoyed it, the action was super cool, I liked all the characters and the feel. It has this weird cyberpunk nineties feel which I really liked. Even down to the main love interest guy, who has this nineties haircut that makes him look like the kid from Hocus Pocus.

At it’s heart Alita is basically a love story, and not a bad one honestly. The romantic stuff wasn’t cringy or forced, it just could’ve developed better over a series of tv episodes instead of in an already cluttered movie. But it’s refreshing to see a romance in a movie these days that doesn’t feel forced. I liked it, I liked the characters, I think it all worked well. The overall plot is bog standard ‘get to the place’, the plot is completely ancillary to the characters honestly because it feels like scene to scene is more episodic.

In summary just a fun, cool movie, might be a bit violent for kids but it’s worth a watch for sure and I hope it gets a sequel, I heard it did pretty well in china so it might be getting a few more.

 

Missing

Always on my mind

I wonder what you’re doing

Probably smiling

 

Probably laughing

I’m missing so much, waiting

Precious moments gone

 

Careless afternoons

The sun lazy overhead

One day I’ll be there.

Us – Movie review

I actually watched this a while ago and didn’t really feel like reviewing it because it was just kind of ok. I didn’t feel strongly enough about it to do a review, it just sort of passed over my eyeballs without really grabbing me or me really hating it. It was a solid meh.

But due to this recent content drought do to my erratic work schedule and near constant writers constipation, desperate times call for desperate measures. Which includes but is not limited to poetry examining the uncomfortable truth of my existence and movie reviews about movies that did not wow me at all in being especially bad or good.

So Us, what’s Us about? Err, clones I guess *spoilers* except not really because it’s sort of revealed in the pointless bit at the start which ruined the whole movie for me. Sorry but it did.

It’s one of those movies that has this overly long pre-ambles where something happens before the movie starts proper. But it added nothing really and the story would have been more interesting/mysterious if they’d cut it shorter or left it out. With it in it bloats the first act and forces them to cut down the bits where you’re supposed to get to know the family so you can care about them. But don’t worry none of them die, oh yeah spoilers, except who cares?

They should’ve just started the movie at the fucking start, why do movies hate to do this now? Just have the family going on vacation, give us time to set up equilibrium and get to know the family and then gradually build the to the freaky shit.

If you read my blog, (which no one does haha) you know how I feel about this director and Get Out, if you don’t I think Get Out is probably the most overrated movie in history. It’s barely a movie, it’s an overly long episode of the tales from the crypt that won an oscar or something. But we all know why, if Jordan Peele were white and the movie wasn’t about racial politics nobody would’ve given a shit. But that’s the world we live in, a silly movie like Get out about white people wanting to suck out black people’s brains so they can steal their bodies wins oscars while nobody gives a shit about Hereditary because it was made by a Jewish guy and it wasn’t political, it was just good.

So really the problem here is hype, Jordan Peele is like seen as this genius when he just made an ok b/horror movie that he made political and people had to get on board with it or be labelled an ist or an ism or whatever. And now his new movie is still kinda political but it’s more subtle, so subtle it’s audience doesn’t really get it and it’s not being lawded with the same fan fare.

Honestly if I think about it I think I liked Us more than Get Out, only because it’s a more interesting concept and the movie was sort of more dynamic I guess, I dunno. It was more entertaining as an idea, more ambitious, less silly, even though under serious scrutiny it kinda makes no sense.

It’s a cool idea, it’s basically like there’s this underground society of clone people for some reason, and they like escape… for some reason and then want to kill their doubles… for some reason.

Yeah see what I mean? So we’re supposed to believe there’s some kind of facility cloning people and a little girl get down into it by accident and there’s no guards or scientists, the clones are just hanging around under there until one day they decide to murder everyone.

These are the parts that really bother me. It’s a cool idea but that’s all it is, it’s not very well fleshed out.

That’s it really, it has some cool bits, but it’s really just kind of a mess and it has no stakes or tension because Peele isn’t ballsy enough to let any of his characters actually die, in a horror movie.

Oh sure he lets the white family get slaughtered, that’s fine but his self insert character. They didn’t even seem to be that bothered that their friends were murdered. And neither do we because they weren’t developed to have any other character traits but being rich white assholes.

You could’ve at least killed the dad in the main family to add a level of suspense and danger, the families protector. But no, I mean if you cut out the gore you could’ve made this a pg13/12a. How can you convey fear when you know none of the main characters can die.

It reminds me of Hereditary *spoilers* that shattering moment when the little girl dies, it shakes the whole film. It’s heart rending and horrifying and it changes the whole film because you know if they can kill this little girl and in such a horrifying way, no one in the family is safe. *spoilers end.*

It’s just kind of like a safe bleh horror movie skating on Peele’s name, there’s no real substance to it, it has no real bite. I hate to compare it to Detective Pikachu but I feel like I’m going to be comparing every movie this to year to that movie about a little yellow electric rat that talks.

That movie had a satisfying pacing, a beginning middle and end. If you saw that in the cinema you’d feel like you got your moneys worth, like you’d gone on a journey. But Us just kinda feels like it didn’t have enough content or structure to be a film. It kinda gives me hope for his twilight zone show if it isn’t too woke. Because he has these good ideas but they don’t seem to have enough flesh on the bone to be films and they might work better as tv show episodes instead.

That’s all I have to say really, if Jordan Peele hadn’t been hyped up to be the second coming of fucking Hitchcock this probably wouldn’t be worth talking about. But I mean really, I’m harsh on the guy but what else is there in horror these days? Those shitty conjuring/annabelle/insidious movies that are just awful trash they keep churning out. Compared to those garbage movies Us is a fucking masterpiece.

So I’m not saying it’s bad, it’s just not great. Is it worth a watch? Sure, I think, so is Get Out, much more than Annabelle origins or whatever or the nun. But I’m much more looking forward to seeing Midsommar by the guy that did Hereditary, I think that’s going be my horror movie of the year. But I don’t want to get my hopes up.

 

 

Music from a random anime

Recalling a time

Seems so very long ago

When I felt careless

 

When I didn’t know

Before you were even real

Before I knew love.

 

Part of me wishes

I could go back to that place.

But I never will.

The Kid (2019) – review

Hey there,

I didn’t really want to review this because it was just sort of meh but I thought I needed to let people know that I didn’t die haha. Just been busy with work and trying to find a new job and stay sane.

I watched this movie for a couple of reasons, I liked Dane Dehann despite the shitty spiderman movies and Valerian being bleh. I really liked him in Chronicle and Place beyond the pines, those are amazing movies that really grabbed me and in the case of Place beyond the pines, really moved me.

So when I see his name I think it could be ok and then I saw Chris Pratt’s Ethan Hawke’s name in a western together and I get horrible magnificent seven flashback and full body shudders. If you haven’t seen the magnificent seven remake, keep it that way, you’re not missing anything.

That discouraged me a little but then I found out this movie had an R rating which peaked my interest again, thinking this would be a balls to the wall actionfest.

Turns out I was wrong about all these things.

Because at it’s heart this is a movie about absolutely nothing.

I don’t know why this movie was made, I don’t think even the people that made it know why it was made. It just exists.

The movie starts with this abusive father beating his wife to death and his kid kills him and they run away from their even more abusive uncle played by Chris Pratt and somehow run into Billy the kid for no reason.

I thought it started kind of slow but there was some gore so I figured the movie was just building up to the action like Open Range. If you haven’t seen Open Range, it’s this really slow movie that climaxes in this awesome gun fight for like the whole third act, really great Kevin Costner movie. In fact there aren’t many Kevin Costner movies I don’t like, yes even waterworld and the Postman. I actually liked Waterworld more than mad max, heresy right. I just think overall there are more bad max movies than good and the good ones aren’t that good.

See this movie is so shitty and boring I’d rather talk about mad max.

Ok so they meet billy the kid for reasons and then a bunch of talking and nothing happens until he eventually escapes with the help of this kid because his sister gets kidnapped by the evil uncle who steps in and out of the movie when it’s convenient for the script. I always hate that, I hate when a villain just steps in and out when it’s convenient and I always sight robocop as a movie that did it right. In robocop the main villain almost has his own arc, he has his own scenes just to establish him and you follow him almost as much as robocop, the same for robocop 2 actually, now that I think about it and the villains were really relateable. That was a good sequel, SEE, see this movie is so boring and uneventful I’m talking about robocop now.

Ok so his sister gets kidnapped and I guess the story is about coming clean, or his arc is about admitting he killed his father but no one really cares about that. So the kid wants to free billy to go after his sister, which would’ve been a cool story line, I mean I want to see that movie. Where a kid saves billy the kid and then billy the kid does some bad ass stuff and saves the girl and has like a redemption arc. Does that happen? No he escapes and then just dies in a really underwhelming way and then Ethan Hawke sort of becomes the main character I guess, although this movie doesn’t really have a main character. It sort of goes between billy, the actual kid and ethan hawke, but none are really that likeable or interesting. It’s like having three bowls of underwhelming luke warm porridge to pick from.

Then after billy dies, which me and my brother thought was a joke, and there would be like a tarantino-esque history bending, but no he’s just out of the movie. Then the kid confesses and entrusts ethan hawke to save his sister and he does, the end.

And is the gun fight at the end epic? No it lasts like three second and it’s really underwhelming and boring.

All that happens is Chris Pratt gets his third and final scene in the movie, he just reappears for the purpose of dying and establishing he’s really mean because he let someone rape his niece. I mean he didn’t rape her, that would be weird. And then you have this cringe scene like five minutes later when she shoots her rapist in the dick and we’re supposed to be like ‘”Yeah you go girl!” maybe not that obnoxious. But there was no emotional resonance because this all happened in like the space of ten minutes.

It’s like a movie that takes ages to do nothing then crams all it’s emotional plot into like ten minutes and we’re supposed to feel anything for these characters, why? The only emotion I felt while watching this was boredom and I don’t even think that’s emotion. I sat down expecting a blood soaked semi historical western and got absolutely nothing.

This movie is a big nothing burger, it’s not about anything, it stands for nothing it’s just nothing.

Westerns in the past, movies in general in the past had morals, they had messages, they told stories and parables, they were about something, they didn’t just exist to swallow an hour or two out of your life.

It just goes back to this feeling I have that people just don’t know how to make movies anymore and it’s sad that the only movie I’ve seen recently that feels like an actual movie is about a talking yellow electric rat voiced by Ryan Reynolds.

 

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