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Book review

To Dream by Catherine Kopf – Review

If I was into YA fiction and 1984 wasn't one of my favourite books I'd think this was really original but since I'm not and it is, I have to say it's a little cliche'.
I mean the writing style is fine, the story works, the first chapter is nice, it flows well and it has somewhat of a hook, a thread of main plot to drive the story. On paper it's good, it's a little stream of consciousness, like it doesn't seem well rooted, it seems like one minute she's here and then she's there like she blacked out and there isn't a lot of description. The first person narrative is quite restrictive for a story like this but maybe that's what you're going for, so I can't outright say it doesn't work, I'll say it just doesn't work me. 
I'll be the first to say YA fiction makes me cringe to my core and the idea of a YA take on 1984 in line with something like hunger games or something is probably the worst thing I can imagine. I'm obviously not the intended audience but I can see what someone else who maybe hasn't read 1984 would see in it. 

So in summation, it's good but it's not my cup of my tea by a long stretch.

If you wanna check out the actual story head on over to inkitt to read it for free.

To Dream

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The Butcher of Barclay’s Hollow by Nick R B Tingley – A review

Well written but underwhelming.

I first chapter just didn’t really grab me. I moan about this constantly on inkitt. People just plonk a first chapter down and then move on to the next one, but the first chapter is really the most important. It’s like a summary of everything to follow. It has to be linked to the overall plot somehow and it’s the first step into this greater world, so stuff, a significant amount of stuff needs to happen or if it’s even very little it has to be pretty powerful. I mean what really happens in the first chapter? A butcher saves a little girl from being maimed and then gets criticized by passers-by. And although I expect their distaste for him to be a theme I doubt it ties to the main plot at all. So really this incident is irrelevant as a starting point.
I get you probably want to ease into it and I usually like pieces like this and reading this encouraged me to get out my copy of Hound of the Baskervilles. And even in that, a flowery period piece published over a hundred years ago the first chapter gets to the point. They’re not talking about the Hound but they’re talking around it, building up to it. but it’s clear that its building to something and then the next chapter is called ‘The curse of the Baskervilles’. We have none of that here, it’s just one scene with no foreshadowing or hints of an overarching plot at all.
I think this entire chapter could have served better as just a flashback or a story relayed by the girl at a later date and you could have started further on in the story to start at a more relevant point. Giving the main character a little more mystery. You hinted vaguely at a tragedy backstory, so I expect he had a wife and child that died and thus builds a connection with the little girl over the course of the book. As it stands now it’s sort of throw away.
It’s well written, I like the period style although there are some typos and errors. It needs a good proof read because these obviously slipped through spellcheck. I have to say I cringed at some of it because it just seems like it’s trying too hard to be period even in the non-diegetic stuff and it’s kind of unnecessary when it could be done better. When I read a modern period piece I expect to be hit in the face with the research involved rather than just flowery language and period accents. I want to be shown more than I’m told. It was easier for Conan-Doyle because he was obviously immersed in it. But it’s not really an excuse, what in this story really justifies a period setting? You could take that entire chapter and just change the carriage to a car and it would be no different.
Overall, it’s very serviceable if a little cliché, I save my harshest criticism for the work I think has potential. I like the title, I like the premise, the style is good but frankly your first chapter is boring. The skill is there but the hook is not.
I hoped this helped, I wish you the best of luck with it.

The Butcher of Barclay’s Hollow

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Blood Ties By Katie Matthias – A review

Bloody good.

Hands down this is probably the most professional story I’ve read on inkitt. I wouldn’t be surprised if this was an actual novel someone had copy pasted here haha.
It’s very professionally written, the prologue is nice, but after reading the first chapter it seems a little bit surperfluous to have her locked up. I think the first chapter has enough of a hook the prologue draws it out a little too much and considering the first chapter is already very long, it seems a little excessive and overindulgent.
The style is perfect, first person narratives are hard to get right, but you nailed it. It’s just right, not too cocky or self-depricating, it hits a sweet spot right in the middle and I like the character of Ana. Female characters are tough, if you make them too nice they come off as Bella Swan wilting violets, too tough and they just sound bitchy. Ana is not too hot and not too cold, she’s just right. Not too nice as to be boring and not too mean to call a bitch.
The first chapter is everything I’d want from a first chapter, it sets up the story, the characters, and leaves a nice thread for the overarching plot, culminating in a very nice hook. It’s a little long but it really makes use of all that length, there’s never a point that seems unnecessarily drawn out or boring, it’s all vital and interesting and gripping.
Now to set this aside, the level of research is great, the medical knowledge on display, is very believable, and it really helps pull me into the story. This to me and any else reading it says, this took time and effort, somebody loved this book and put their time into.
The only real criticism I have are few and far between and almost too middling to mention. Ok well the paragraphs are really much too long, you just have these big long walls of text that need mountaneering equipment to scale.
That’s gripe one, gripe two, the title, it’s incredibly generic. Just type ‘blood ties’ into google and you get a laundry list of book and shows and movies and what have you. It’s much too mundane a title for such a skillful book.
My third and final gripe; Vampires? Really? haha.

All in all I think this is probably the most accomplished thing I’ve read on inkitt, I could easily see this in print, easily. Even a film adaptation. Bravo.

If you want to read the story in full and reserve a free copy, it would really help out a fantastic fledgling writer.

Blood Ties

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Don’t Look Close by LoweFantasy or T.S. Lowe – A review

I didn’t look too close.

Hard to follow some of those really in depth reviews. I like to give my first impressions, I come from a comic background so the first ‘issue’ the first chapter is god, there’s nothing beyond the first chapter. It’s like an essay where you try and sum up everything you want to do with the rest of the work in the introduction.
In the first issue of a comic you have to deal with a serious attention deficit crowd, so the first part really needs to hook some noses in your direction, it needs to say everything you want to say right then and there but still leave people wanting more.
You don’t dump it all in their lap, you just give them enough to grab their interest then reel it back so they chase it throughout the story.
I think the first chapter is well written, it’s very easy to read but I don’t feel invested enough really in the characters to want to read more. That’s not an indictment on you as a writer as much as it is on me as an incredibly fickle reader who isn’t into romance unless there’s zombies somewhere hinted in it haha.
I just think it feels a little bit like you’re thrown into this person’s life and instantly expected to give a shit and I just don’t, obviously it’s probably a slow burner and I’m one of those people with the attention span of a nat. I’m fully aware I’m not the intended audience and the other people that reviewed this are.
It’s interesting but it’s not a story that hasn’t been done before, it’s probably all character based but if this were I comic it would have a very niche following and it would get snowed in under an avalanche of shehulk’s haha.
I think it’s because our styles of writing differ so much, I like to think I’m really ostentatious and what you’ve done here is very subtle and heartfelt and genuine and I’m just butthurt haha.
Overall I think it was well presented well, there were a few mistakes but I wont labour the point because without spellcheck I’m legally retarded and when you come to look at some of my work you’ll shred me asunder deservedly so haha.
In summary I’m not the intended audience by a long stretch but it’s competently executed and I could someone really enjoying the characters interplay alone.

If you want to read for yourself, check it out on inkitt for free.

Don’t Look Close

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Hide & Seek By Jakayla Toney – A review

Usually what you’ll find on inkitt is people will only read the first chapter of a story and review that, for brevity but also because the first and last chapters are arguably the most important.
The first chapter if you’re going to send this to an editor/publisher/literary agent will in nine out of ten cases be the only chapter they need to read to ascertain whether they want to use your work. So essentially paired with a good synopsis/blurg, the first chapter has to be almost a summation of whats to follow in the entirity of the story.
I understand people like to slow boil their horror which is fine if you’re out their making a name for yourself with that and accumulate fans who like that sort of horror. But have you ever noticed that at the beginning of a horror movie there’s always a sort of prologue where someone else is suffering from the problem the protagonists are working their way towards. Not always but on average you’ll see it as a literal forshadowing. Even in the shining you’re told what happened to the previous caretaker as an effort of foreshadowing, the first conversation they have in the car on the way to the hotel is about the Donner party. People trapped in the winter being forced to eat eachother.
After reading the first chapter and the blurb I have literally no idea what the story is remotely about or have a good feel for any of the characters. You started the story at a point where literally nothing happens except a game of hide and seek. A game of hide and seek which neither serves the story or really develops the characters in any way other than the main protagonist is an excellent hide and seek player.
Other than that, I seem really critical but the writing style is effective, there were a few grammatical errors, even in the first paragraph. But the writing is solid, the first chapter is just too short and nothing happens, You need a hook in the first chapter to force people to read the next chapter, you can’t just end the chapter with “Oh wouldn’t it be cool to play hide and seek in the forest alone” that’s not a hook. It needs more.
Again sorry if this seems harsh, the style isn’t all that bad I’m just telling you how I see it, It’s not bad, I’ve read a lot worse, it’s just not great.

If you wanna check out this story for yourself and a lot of others, head on over to inkitt for the grand total of zero monopoly money.

Hide and Seek

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Ensanguined by Patrick Zac – A review

This first chapter is great. It’s punchy, it get’s right to the point, it delivers but doesn’t all together rush it either.
One thing I’m really critical of is long middling slow boil first chapters. Sometimes they work but most of the time they don’t. I think the story should start at the most interesting part of a person’s life, I don’t care if they’re great at cross stitch or they got a b minus in history, If that’s not the what the story is about and it’s not interesting I don’t care. I want meat and this story has meat, buckets of fresh bloody meat.
The story is great, not a lot happens at the start, by that I mean you don’t learn a hell of a lot about the main character but it was quite a short first chapter. That being said her voice is very strong, acerbic and a little self-depricating which is why I likened it to Dexter.
Although the Dexter analogy is a double edged sword, because although I loved those books and the show and I love the first person style. I like being inside a serial killer’s mind. It’s been done before and it’s been done incredibly well. Trying to compete with Jeff Lindsay is like trying to wrestle with a miami aligator, it’s not gonna go your way. And although I love the style it seems a little hackneyed a little by the standards of a Dexter Devotee like myself.
That’s my only real criticism. I loved the jump from the date to the murder, just no time wasted, cut straight through the bullshit like a hot knife through butter. It functions perfectly as a first chapter, just gets right into it and delivers a succint synopsis of what’s to come. A really great hook, which is what a first chapter should be. So you nailed in that respect I think.
The description of the murder is very nice too, gory but not over the top, it’s tasteful but still sates the blood lust of the reader.
Another criticism I have is I think readers when they write women they tend to mistake bitchiness for confidence or character. I see this slipping into that. So in some regards I think you should make her a little more self-depricating like Dexter. One great thing about Dexter is his ability to laugh at himself, which allows him to be the monster but still allows him to be likeable.

Final thoughts, I actually think this is something I could write, the style is a mirror of mine in some respects and I’ve dreamed of writing Dexter fanfiction this might be the inspiration or the push I need to do that. The last book just left a hole that needs to be filled by something.
I loved it, keep it up!

If you wanna check it out for yourself, head on over to inkitt to read Ensanguined and Patrick’s other stories for free.

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Draco’s Demon a fanfiction by Laz. R. Gray – A review

Sorry I couldn’t resist.

I’m just too big a fan of Constantine not to read and review some fanfic. Not that into Potter but it’s decent. I know you wanted a review on your earthquake story but as the title says, I couldn’t resist.
I was actually really impressed with the overall plot right off the bat. A lot of the negative comments I have for stories I read on inkitt are that nothing tends to happen in the first chapter. Like they’re just kicking their legs waiting for the story to get going, they don’t get that the story has to get going from the start or it won’t garner enough interest for people to read the second.
But this swept me up from the start. I’m a big fan of Constantine, Hellblazer is one of my favourite if not my favourite comic of all time. I absolutely love Constantine and if anyone asks my favourite DC character, they say Batman I say John Constantine haha (tips pretentious twat cap).
So the start was great, it felt almost like a neo-noir Harry Potter. Lots of fun fan service and the cheeky scouse magic con-man being his typical caddish self.
The writing style is very competent and confident, it’s very functional, it feels practiced and wasn’t overly verbose or cringeworthy.
Technical writings skills were spot on, it was very easy to read and I didn’t see any typos or grammatical errors. There’s a bit where the dialogue of the demon rhymes with the description of his voice but I’m pretty sure that was intentional. The urge to rhyme is addictive.
Ok no some of the negative points. I have to say although there was a lot going on it seemed pretty safe and by the numbers. It felt a little fanfictiony and it didn’t feel like it took any risks or did anything different. I mean I know the HP world is strictly pg-13 or whatever but that’s not Constantine’s world. So when I see John Constantine going to Hogwarts I want Hermione naked on an alter covered in pig’s blood haha.
I just felt it was a little weak, not as edgy as a Constantine fan like me would like, gotta channel some edgelordiness from the man himself Alan Moore haha.
Also I found Constantine was a little too smug, I mean I know he is pretty happy with himself most of the time but it was a little over the top although I loved the hint at him shagging Harry’s mum, that was nice haha.
Overall it was a lot of fun, maybe my expectations were just a little too high.

If you wanna check out the whole story for yourself head on over to inkitt to read it for free.

Draco’s Demon

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The Eyes of Goldfinches by June – A review

Let me start on the wrong foot, this is never something I’d ever really read unless there was a massive messed up twist halfway through or something. Which I wouldn’t know because I probably wouldn’t read that far and it would take it being made into a movie for me ever to know haha.
But if it is like that I don’t really expect there to be much foreshadowing in the first chapter. I think the dialogue is good and it’s always nice to see a first person narrative that isn’t entirely stale and annoying. But it gives way to a habit of telling instead of showing. You had the main character just telling us how he felt about people when it would have been more effective to show it somehow that was relevant to the plot. Because to be honest not a lot really happens in the first chapter and this is the chapter publishers and agents will read and unless your hook/summary/blurb is really amazing then they probably won’t read any further.
It may not be your style but you may want to start at your inciting incident and work back, think of it like a film that starts with the character hanging from the edge of a cliff or something then you find out how that happens while he goes about his average day of being painfully average haha. It’s a little cliché’ but it’s cliché’ for a reason, it works.
I mean what really happens in the first chapter? He goes to school, he does some school stuff, gets a detention then meets a girl. It’s not a lot to work with but saying that the title is great and it’s what initially what brought me to this story. So if you paired the catchy title with an even catchier blurb/pitch that would nail it.
Because the writing style is there, it obviously needs an edit because it’s a bit sticky in places but it shows talent, it flows. The characters of the little we saw in the first chapter are distinctive and likeable and the main character has a good voice, very fun, very self-aware and smart. I like it, it works and I can see someone who isn’t me enjoying this a great deal haha.

Here’s a link to the story so you can read it for yourself.

The Eyes of Goldfinches

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Archangel by Alexander Skel – A review

Not a huge fan f sci-fi or fantasy for that matter, I just find myself sifting through too much bullshit that doesn’t need to be there. I just read all this stuff that’s completely irrelevant to the plot about thrusters or some kind of magic barriers or something and I’m just like ‘Why? Get to the point!’ I just don’t have the kind of patience for either genre and taken seriously I find them really hammy.
Never-the-less I found this entertaining and engaging and it reminded me a lot of some decent anime but that being said I think it would be better as a comic or an anime. Because as a novel without any art it’s sort of generic, there’s nothing that really stands out about it. I’m reading the first chapter and I’m thinking about how similar it is to some other comic/game rather than what was different. The whole time I pictured it as a mission in armoured core or some anime more than I saw it as its own thing.
The action is great but its contextless, nebulous and sort of self-indulgent. It doesn’t have a point, it’s like a ten-year-old wrote down what he wants to see in a cartoon and then a really great writer took those ideas and brought them to life.
I really think this has potential and you are a really good writer, there are a few errors here and there and some sentences that had me like ‘Did Dan Brown do this?’, an example of that would be ‘The grenade exploded’ well no shit, it’s a grenade. But overall it’s well written and isn’t overly verbose like a lot of my work is.
But there’s no real story and in the first chapter it’s tempting to just gallop past it but you have to have some hook to make me keep reading, you can’t just have one fight scene and call it a day. Who is archangel? Why should I care if he lives or dies? This is why I say the action is contextless. Action is tense because we care about what happens to the character, you’ve given us no real reason to care about Archangel yet.
And what’s worse is this chapter I think has no real room for story that wouldn’t just be painful exposition, but that would still be better than no story in the first chapter.
I found the transition from Archangel to Rachel to be a little jarring but I like how you skimmed over the whole ‘Casualties of war feels’ generic bullshit in every anime ever haha.

Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t hate it, it was enjoyable to read and it really made me want to play a decent Armoured Core game, pity there hasn’t been one of those in a while haha.

If you wanna read his story you can reserve a copy here.
Archangel

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