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It hurts when I Brex-sit

Hello human people!
That’s right all you un-human people can fuck right off! Yeah! I don’t know where I was going with that.
Anyway what’s up? Oh right the title and the meme, yeah about that.
In case you haven’t heard my little island decided to end its participation the seventeen yearlong experiment known as the ‘European Union’.
Now the meme might give you some sign of what side I was on in said occurrence, but you’d be wrong. Although I was leaning towards leave because of the information I’d received from family and friends and other such sources like the internet of all places, I actually didn’t vote.
I just didn’t feel like I had enough knowledge to vote either way for the future of my country and rather than being a little bitch and voting to remain, I decided to just let the chips fall as they may.
And I gotta say I was pleasantly surprised. Not just to see that my country actually grew a set of balls overnight and voted for their own sovereignty ending their servitude to an un-elected un-democratic political body but to see all the butthurt statuses of my remain friends on facebook. That shit was too funny.
I mean the depths of salt, it was incredible. I saw discussions where people were literally saying that democracy was a problem. That people having the right to govern themselves is the problem. These people would rather suck up to an un-elected political cartel than accept the will of the actual people that live in the country.
The meme pretty much covers the basics of their arguments against the leave people. ‘Leave people are racist because I say so, old people are stupid because they don’t agree with me.’
Ok first point, to boil leaving the EU down to a race debate is so reductive it’s silly to even debate, it’s so selective it can only be used to beat people over the head with when you don’t have an actual argument against leaving. Who exactly are the leave people racist against? Muslims? Islam isn’t a race. Arabs? Arabs are an ethnic sub-category of Caucasian so in fact the same race as the leave voters.
But we’ve been seeing this tactic employed all over the place after Donald Trump, calling someone a ‘racist’ is really meaningless. I had an argument with someone once who claimed calling someone a racist was just a colloquialism as in it didn’t mean what it actually meant and thus the context and effect of that label didn’t matter. Can you imagine if someone publicly called you a paedophile and made that same argument claiming they intended it to mean someone who has a fondness for children?
Anyone can clearly see it’s just a silencing/shaming tactic bait and switch. You call someone a racist dragging along the full weight of that accusation and then when someone challenges you to explain why they just their shoulders and probably call you a racist.
Ok so old people are stupid and shouldn’t be allowed to vote if they disagree with me was something people genuinely said to me because older people made up the biggest block of leave voters. The people who remember what it was like before the eu and can see what it’s like after don’t have the right to vote to take their country back?
The argument being that it’s not their future because they’re going to be dead soon or something equally as moronic. The salt levels, I mean I get if someone isn’t mentally fit, but who decides when someone is too old to vote?

Children can’t vote for obvious reasons; we actually don’t want the guy with the welly on his head to win. But to say old people who worked all their lives for this country don’t have the right to decide its fate is ludicrous. It’s true it’s not their future but they have the wisdom and experience to decide what’s in the best interest of the seventeen year old morons saying old people shouldn’t be allowed to vote because if they had their vote the streets would be paved with fucking gummy bears and the taps would run with redbull or something.
I know the vote was pretty close and people as we speak are trying to institute a second referendum and our government is very pro-eu because they all want to retire to those cushy six figure eu jobs when they leave parliament and their home country bruised and bloody. So it might be overturned purely because they’ll keep bringing it up until people vote in their favour, democracy right.

Because when you lose at bingo you just put a gun to the person spinning that ball thing’s head and tell them to draw again til all your numbers come up and you don’t have to shout bingo as you spray his/her brains over a row of single mothers just looking for an outlet.
Although the petition I saw for a second referendum turned out to be a scam or a 4chan prank because most of the millions of votes came from Vatican city and korea.
The triggering, it’s real, people on my feed are so butthurt, for a person who loves chaos like this, a fan of schadenfreude such as myself, this is glorious. I saw no real reason to stay in the eu other than the racist rhetoric and some sketchy stuff about jobs and maybe some warm and fuzzy ideas about staying ‘fwuends’ with the rest of Europe while they legislate on what kind of toothpaste we can use. Europe are our friends true, but they’re the type of friend that steals from you and puts up post-it’s all over the house telling you how hard you can flush the toilet to save on water.
I have nothing else really to say about it, I just saw this and I thought I would publicly revel in other people’s discontent because that’s just the sort of shitlord I am ha-ha. But I gotta say, for the first time I feel some sort of national pride it’s a strange new sensation.

And for the people on the remain side, in the immortal words of the philosopher known as Papa Franku; “I gotta little bit of that anal cream for your asshole”.

See ya around.

0

Perfect Porridge

Yo, just want to first tell the people who will reverse image search the header to go die in a fire ha-ha. (You’re doing it now aren’t you?)
Ok this is just a little update/buffer before I post a new chapter of GS, I dunno I just hate the look of two chapters together in my blog postings. It just looks lame.
So just gonna give a quick update on my writing. My brother recently came home for a visit, and brought with him an idea I thought I’d written down but seemingly did not.
He had mentioned this great documentary to me maybe a year ago but I never got around to watching but for some reason he felt the need to recant the story at the perfect timing of Green Sunday coming to a close.
Hearing it again just clicked perfectly with the timing. For at least a week I’ve been agonizing on what to do next, rifling through the cavernous files of all my ideas and loose story synopsises. Feeling a little like Goldie locks; ‘This is too short’ ‘Too long’ ‘Too weird’ ‘too stupid’ ‘makes no sense’ ‘oh that’s just an empty word file with a cool title’.
At that point I’d resigned myself to the idea of doing a few short stories or novelette just to pad out of my repertoire while I shill for GS and build on whatever I had planned for nanowrimo which was probably that Dexter fanfic I had rattling around in my tormented little head bowl. And I’m still probably going to do that just to pump up my views on inkitt page and what not, just to keep my head above water, maybe enter them in a few writing contests. I’m just dying to do something completely different and not have to be locked into this possibly yearlong commitment like with GS.
I really enjoyed writing that but towards the end I started to think if it really had an audience, and I sort of came up with all my best ideas for social commentary while writing it but it was too late to put them in so just pushed them off onto a sequel, that might never happen.

Anyway so I watched this documentary and instantly had before me at least 13 pages of raw notes and ideas of how to further the story and really make it my own. For anyone that hasn’t searched the image like the little Miss Marple’s you are, it’s a true story about a boy that goes missing but is then discovered in a foreign country years later.

The bones of the story are all lined up for a perfect faux murder mystery psychological thriller conspiracy story akin to the changeling. I just need to add the meat, my own characters, sub plot, the life and soul of the story. I’m going to breathe life into it and make it my own the only way I know how. Maybe add a little true detective/twin peaks “magic” ha-ha.
It’s something I’ve longed to write since I started, something dark and gritty and also melancholy and suspenseful with a truly captivating plot full of twists and turns and danger and intrigue of which I will add.
A gripping thrill ride that will have people’s head scratching weeks after and give them pause in their beds before they lay their heads down to sleep.

It’s still in the planning phases as yet, I only have 16 pages of rough synopsis, I’m going to go over it and see if I can double it, adding my own sub-plots and characters as the weeks progress. Alternating between writing the novellas I already have synopsisized (That’s a word) blogging and plotting this potentially award winning airport novel ha-ha.
Honestly I think GS taught me to not be so self-indulgent, I ned to focus on stories that will really make my mark, that will give me a voice and put my name on the map before I can re-visit ridiculousness of that calibre. It’s why I chose to side line the Dexter fanfic, it’s too self-indulgent, I can’t just finish a series I love and just think I can jump into writing the next wave of those books just yet. And even if I did, what am I going to do just ask Jeff Lindsay to endorse it, hope he’ll see that mimicry is the sincerest form of flattery and not sue me ha-ha. It’s something I’d love to do but I think I need to put it off til I get some leverage in the industry as opposed to the zero I have now ha-ha.

Ok so that’s what I’m doing, I don’t really have a title for this next project of which I will be doing for nanowrimo. The working titles I have right now are; “(The)Wanted Son/(The)Wanted boy/boy in the backyard/the boy that came back”.
I didn’t fuck around this time, I googled all those titles to make sure I would be the top search result if it was paired with the word ‘book’. My first title was ‘The stranger’, fucking retard I am. I’m not fucking around this time, I want this to be an original book title, that’s interesting and thought provoking and mysterious without being derivative.

All things aside my life pretty much fell apart a week or two ago, but to be fair I didn’t have much use for one any way, and it was definitely getting in the way of my writing. That’s all I can say on the matter really, I could sit and mope or I could ride the crest of this new wave of energy I feel from these new projects. Onward and upward and all that inspiring shit people say and don’t really believe ha-ha kill me :’).
No seriously, all good, I just need time and maybe prescription medication.
Oh shit, this would have been the perfect opportunity to write something about the Orlando shooting, fuck I’m self-centred, ah never mind, maybe next time.

Peace be upon you…. ALLAH AKBAR!!!!!!!!

0

“Safe spaces”

After what I think is maybe my fourth ban from facebook I think a rant is in order.
Recently I’ve had a lot of life piled on me keeping me away from all this wonderful stuff, not that I’m complaining. Most of it if look at my facebook feed is beautiful adventures with the most important person in my life. A bountiful expression of love for a person who’s filled my days with more rapturous happiness than I thought possible (She reads my blog fyi :P).
But some of it is my day job, dieting, excercise and arguing/trolling people on facebook who can’t seem to seperate their political views from their ever so precious feels and delicate sensisibilities. Mostly Bernie supporters, I have nothing really against Bernie, I just think his followers are a lot of insipid cultists who wallow in self pity and blame all their problems on ‘the man’. And like him don’t really understand economics and how his policies can’t really work in a capitalist system. So they try and downplay the socialism, but there’s really know way his policies could work without a socialist system. Which in america seems unfeasible.

I got for what is known on facebook as “Hate speech” which pretty much equates to any coloquial slur or shortening of a word. I said tranny the first time and I didn’t use it as a slur, just for what it is a shortening. But I get it’s un-pc for anyone but a tranny to say tranny. Then I guess I was on like a hate speech watch list and I don’t know if it was a bot or an especially vindictive facebook sjw. But it seemed like my entire feed was gone over with a fine tooth comb to weedle out the slightest hint of ‘wrongthink’.

I then was found guilty of using the colloquial insult of “faggot” I know what a crime, what a cishet oppressor I am for using a word that offends people. Well then I got banned again and again. I got banned for like one day then when I was reinstated they found something else to ban me for, this time three days. Then the same thing happened again, this time it was a week.
This time I made the mistake of commenting on some propaganda I saw on facebook and I quoted it. It was some anti-Trump propaganda where it accused him of saying racist slurs like “Beaner” and “Wetback” and “Anchor baby”. Well the last one isn’t a slur, it’s actually just a term.
All I said where “When did Trump say beaner?” Banned for thirty days. seriously?

Just quoting a video is hate speech now? I mean who are they protecting here? Do they honestly think they can stop racism/homophobia/etc just by stopping people saying the related words?
And even saying that I think back to the ban bossy campaign and it just sends me reeling when I think about the Orwellian idea of newspeak. If you don’t know ban bossy was a group of feminist morons including Facebook’s own Sheryle Sandberg who blamed women not getting ceo jobs on being called ‘Bossy’ as children. Which goes without saying is beyond asinine.
But, the idea of newspeak is to limit speech for the purposes of limiting thought. How can you speak out against something you disagree with if you don’t have the words to do it? Not that I think insults or racist slurs are good for the effort of changing things to fit the ideologies of a racist. What I don’t like is the idea of controlling speech for the purposes of controlling thought. Forcing some pc orthodoxy on everyone.
You can’t speak freely on facebook because you can’t know what will be listed as “Hate speech” next, so you just have to walk on eggshells and watch what you say on what is supposed to be a free and open social media site.
But even saying that now there are people who will read this and say something as retarded as “You’re only against pc culture cos you wanna be free to be racist”. To which I would respond “Yes, I do want to be free to be as racist as I want, which is not at all”.
I’ve literally seen this response, there was a video of right wingers saying pc culture makes them afraid to speak for fear of being called a racist. To which all the liberals responded by calling them racist proving their points perfectly.
Racism/sexism have no meaning in this generation, none at all they’re just thought ending cliche’s, words used to silence a person you don’t agree with. Like for instance… Trump.
I’d challenge anyone to link me to anything racist he’s said, any slur or generaliazation, you wont be able to find one. The label racist is only thrown at him because he’s against illegal immigration. When they call him racist, they’re trying to shut him up and make people afraid to support him. It’s standard form propaganda. And it’s the same with anyone that disagrees with this rampant pc culture. No disagreement is allowed, you’re either with them or against them.

I don’t really know what I’m trying to say which is standard for a rant I guess, just butthurt and need to bitch. I’m just sort of saddened by facebooks pandering and greed. First they limited free speech by charging people for reach, which is disgusting enough but now these Orwellian speech codes. I hope they tank, I hope a new site comes up and demolishes them because freedom speech is the only the cure for this.
Safe spaces and pc culture will only make us weaker and stupider as a species which only benefits invading aliens or maybe the illuminati or whatever haha.

0

Ghostbusters failer

Snappy title eh? Bet you can’t guess by that and the comic strip show I feel about this trailer.
It’s about the only thing about this rant that will be snappy, I’m chomping at the bit to keep this short and not devolve into gutteral grunting noises and end it by curling up into the fetal position crying and sucking my thumb. I really have to keep this controlled or I’m gonna write a manifesto and be accused of the dreaded MUH-SOGGY-KNEES!

Ok enough preamble, let’s get up in this bitch… err lady… err ladies… err gender nonspecific pronouns.
The first thing about this trailer and I watched it and I sort of let it just roll over my eyes not really letting it go in the first time I watched it. But subsequently I watched reaction video after reaction video and seriously I must have watched at least fifty different reaction videos on youtube. Just trying to make sure this was real and I hadn’t entered an alternate dimension of pure concentrated SUCK.
So I’m gonna be really anal and not talk about the trailer and instead talk about the reactions to the trailer haha. The first funny thing is almost every male reviewer and male’s are obviously the majority of people reviewing this trailer… COS SEXISM! No. But they almost always (I always get fucking side tracked) had to give the a little caveat before addressing the female cast.
*DISCLAIMER* I am not nor have I ever been a member of the communist party… err I mean I’m not a misogynist.

Obviouly not as melodramatic as that but not far off. And I think it speaks volumes about this PATRIARCHY we obviously live in when almost every man on the internet is so shit scared of being called a misogynist they have to prostrate themselves on the alter of feminism and beg forgiveness for the audacity of having a negative opinion about a movie with a holy vagina carier in it.
Ok mini rant ceased!
Just had to get that out of the way and of course there were women reviewers who tore it apart too so no one especially not sony can really claim like they’ve been trying that it’s neckbeard heman woman haters hammering the living fuck out of the dislike button.
Someone even said that even gods of egypt which tanked had a higher like to dislike ratio on it’s trailer, but the new Ghostbusters trailer almost has double the dislikes than likes. So either the world is just full of misogynists and women with ‘internalized misogyny’ or this trailer is a steaming pile of ectoplasm.
What’s wrong with the trailer you ask? What the fuck is right with it? I ask you.
It starts off with this stupid piano version of the old theme ripping off when jurassic world did it. Then it says ‘thirty years ago four scientists saved new york’ and people have rightly latched onto this as bullshit for two reasons.
Reason one; this movie has claimed to be a reboot but is now acknowledging the previous films as if it’s a direct canonical sequel to the other two. And I’ve had it under good sources that the returning cast are appearing as cameos that are completely unrelated to the characters they played in the first, they’re just random guys held at contractual gun point by sony to prance around and bring in more people to watch this mess.
Reason two; there were technically only two scientists, Egon and Ray, Winston was more or less a temp and Venkman was a quack paraspychologist, which is not science any more than crystal skulls are a diet plan.
So the trailer hasn’t even started and it’s poked a hole in it’s own colostomy bag.Then we’re introduced to a recreation of the library scene from the original but instead of this creepy vibe punctuated with sarcastic comedy, we get an instant jump scare gross out visual gag which Feig is known for. The ghost just does an excorcist and pukes all over Kristen Wiig and then a follow up joke is implied when she talks about how the gunk got in all her cracks, haha vaginas and bums, so funny.

But wait that’s only the start of the non jokes. There’s also a joke where Kristen Wiig and the always nauseating Mellissa Mcarthy say ‘let’s go’ at the same time and awkwardly apologise politely and this is a joke, it’s just fucking cringe central.

We’re introduced to the characters in such a cringe worthy way ‘oh what’s her face you’re the best at quantum whatever, oh Egon clone, you do stuff that’s relevent to the plot’ and more to that effect. Oh and the black chick has a car. And of course she is a total token, loud black character ‘Oh lordy, I’m so black and large and loud’. And for a movie sort of aimed at that social justice crowd, fuck the haters progressive bullshit thinly veiled cashgrab, it seemed like an odd choice to not make her a scientist too. Or atleast choose a black actor that isn’t written like a fucking minstrel. And the car is a herse, the original car was an old ambulance, so either they did that on purpose because they’re fucking retards or the people making this reboot didn’t know the ghostbusters car was an ambulance, either out come is bad, it’s all bad folks. It’s idiots all the way down.
The effects look ok, there’s too much cg, I much prefer phsysical effects, even now that freaks me out, puppets and shit man.
Then there’s a joke where one of them wears a wig and a hat, no seriously that’s a joke, that’s a joke in this film. Go look for yourself.
Then there’s some ghostbusting montage and bit of Chris Hemsworth actually making women want to see this movie as opposed to making them all collectively yawn. Then the last joke of the trailer is Mcarthy getting possessed by the ghost of purest cringe. This scene is almost painful to watch as the black ghostbuster Patti basically slaps the ghost jizz out of Mcarthy ripping off excorcist again with such gems as “The power of Patty compels you!”
I mean seriously, you know that movie is forty years old right? So the new generous your trying to appeal to only tangentially understand that that’s a joke at all, not that it is, it’s not funny. And it doesn’t become funnier when you say ‘That’s gonna leave a mark’ after as if stating facts is now humour. I mean fuck that isn’t even a joke but its so old and so tired.
All in all it’s terrible, between the cast and the writing and the feel and Melissa Mcarthy punching ghosts with proton knuckle dusters, to quote tumblr; I just can’t even.
Honestly it’s not even so much the cast, I have no idea who Leslie Jones is but she’s not funny going by the trailer and in the international trailer it’s even worse and they get upstaged by Hemsworth of all people.
The chick who plays the new Egon I have never heard of but she’s like the token hot one I guess but she didn’t seem to do much.
Melissa Mcarthy plays the same character in every movie, which can be summed up in four syllables; FATTY FALL DOWN!
She’s just a female Chris Farly and it was barely funny when he did it.
I actually like Kristen Wiig, I’ve seen her in some pretty funny stuff and she’s actually the only cast member I approve of. But the tone and the writing seems so silly and so jilted and inorganic I don’t see how it can be funny.
I can’t really say my big bugbear is with the cast, I honestly think this movie would still suck even if you had all the original cast including using hoodoo to bring back Harold Ramis, who is as we speak spinning so hard and fast in his grave he’s achieved total plutonic reversal without crossing the streams.
The tone and the feel and the direction is all wrong and I’ve seen a leaked synopsis of the script and it sounds fucking awful. It doesn’t feel like a ghostbusters movie and far be it for me to try and encapsulate what that is in the summation of this blog. But this movie just feels like a summer comedy, it’s like an snl skit that got out of hand and grew into a film like mould.

It’s just silly, the reason people loved the tone of the original gb is  because it was a film first and a comedy second. If you removed the humour it would still be an interesting film, the comedy is inconsequental, it’s just there, it’s just a result of the tone and natural chemistry between the cast and that’s why it works so well, it’s not forced its organic.
This movie seems to just be a vehicle for terrible jokes, like the story and everything else is just decoration, it’s bridesmaids wearing the skin of ghostbusters without the swearing.

I don’t really begrudge the cast for making it, from what I’ve heard they’ve mostly gone into hiding and the entire cast and crew was forced to sign a second nda to prevent leaks. And there have been no real marketing pushes I’ve seen except a carcher pressure wash ad I just saw with the ghostbusters logo, wow sony, really pushing the boat out.
You know it’s damage control, they know it’s going down like the titanic they’re just trying to save as much money as possibly now by limiting the marketing and telling people to shut up as well as deleting all the negative comments that aren’t also sexist and racist in order to make their detractors all half a million of them look like Donald Trump supporters haha *wink wink nod nod current events*.

Honestly I thought this movie was going to be ok, I mean I knew I was going to hate it because I hate everything, I’m probably the anti-christ or distantly related to Hitler. But I thought it would be ok, like it would be funny, because I hear nothing but benign things about Paul Feig and people seem to suck Mcarthy’s dick but people like Amy Schumer and I want to throw her under a thresher. Fuck can you imagine if they cast her and Sarah Silverman, see looking on the bright side, it could have been worse.

Now excuse me while I raid my cupboards for whiskey soaked coasters to suck.

 

1

Stumped by the Trump (Or why Bernie leaves me floppy as a windows 95 disk)

It’s been a while since I did something off the cuff, so I thought why not do some obvious clickbait haha.

As an Englishman it’s fair to say I couldn’t give a flying faggot who america elects as its chief whipping boy, but I have opinions, you all know this and I have a blog, as you can see. So in the word of my ancestors “Tallyho!”.

Ok first things first I like Trump, ok well like is a strong word, he’s the only presidential candidate that makes me not want to swallow my tongue. He’s a douche canoe, but he’s an entertaining douchcanoe, he’s funny, he doesn’t take himself too seriously and he says whatever he wants. He pisses off feminists and sjw and radical commie lefties and if that’s not reason enough to vote for him, I don’t know what is.
I’d vote for Ghengkis Khan if it meant triggering some politically correct mouthbreather. And if they all move to canada or cuba if they’re more socialist inclined then that sounds ok to me haha.
I’ve had a lot of fun arguing with people complaining about Trump, mainly Bernie supporters because they’re so fun to troll. I haven’t come in contact with any Trump supporters who weren’t in fact trolls haha. People calling him racist/sexist whatever, that’s pretty much what the left does when they’re afraid of a right wing candidate. Just call him names trying to make them stick, it doesn’t have to be true, it just has to stick and it has in their circles but that’s preaching to the choir. Trump himself seems to be teflon coat, he just doesn’t seem to give a shit, he just says words and people seem to like that haha.
So bottomline has Trump said anything racist?
Most of the time when people call him racist it’s in regards to his sentiments about illegal immigrants and muslims. He wants to keep the immigrants and the muslims out, two groups that are not in fact races. Immigrants and muslims both can be any race, Trump himself is from an immigrant background as is the majority of america.
But people casually miss out one word ‘Illegal’ Trumps family and my family too were legal Immigrants. Illegal immigrants are breaking the law, it’s in the name, so they’re criminals. Trump is essentially saying he wants to keep criminals out of america, which as political policies go is fairly unremarkable.

The muslim issue is murkier but I like to use the feminist argument about men, wherein say you have a bag full of M&Ms and you know around 10% or even just 1% are poisonous and will kill you, how many handfuls do you take? The answer is none. That’s the problem with islamic migration, it’s not a race, it’s an ideology, not of peace but of conquest. They don’t want to become part of western society, they want to dominate it and erode it and replace it with a 14th century folklore.

Is he sexist? Well who isn’t these days, a man farts in an elevator and he’s sexist now, so who the hell can make a judgement on that?

The amount of propaganda flying around my facebook page is just astonishing. The most insipid I have to say is for Bernie, coming from someone who is impartial, I have no dog in the fight. The only reason I want Trump to win is for the hilarity of it and the butthurt of Bernie and Hillary supporters alike.

I just think Bernie supporters are one coolaid away from tattooing Bernie onto their… wait what? They already got Bernie tattooed on their asses? But he hasn’t even won the primaries yet, wow that is culty.

2_Bernie-Sanders-Tattoos.jpg
From the outside Bernie supporters do look like a cult, Hillary supporters, I don’t hear much from, the only one I know of is Gloria Steinem who is voting for her because they both have vaginas (Although Bernie did just say Gloria Steinem made him an honorary woman but now she says women who support Bernie only do it for attention) and Lena Dunham who also likes people who share the experience of having a vagina.

Despite that most people, the most cynical people think she’s going to win because Washington is corrupt and people are dumb and want to score social justice bingo points for having the first woman president regardless of what a lying sack of shit she is.
Bernie seems like an ok dude, a harmless old codger but do I think he can deliver on his promises? Do I think he can even remember the promises he’s made before the onset of alztheimers?
His promises are just too bold and they’re just that, promises. Newsflash politicians lie and this guy is a career politician. He seems like a sweet old man and he may be but that doesn’t mean he’s not just gonna say whatever shit gets him elected, it’s what they all do. He’s banking on the student and young people vote but we all know that doesn’t end well.
But his following is rabid, I saw a post the other day where he stopped a speech to check on some person in his entourage that fell over for some reason. All he did was go over to the guy and see if he was ok the caption on the I think it was either occupy democrats or usuncut one of those hyper liberal propaganda bullhorns. The caption on the video was one word ‘Hero’ for just going over and having a look, I mean I burst out in tears laughing. It’s just hilarious the amount of people who are sucking this guys dick and how hard they try to reach his balls going down on it. His following has to be the most annoying in living memory. And that’s not to say anything on his policies. They sound ok if a little naive. but that pretty much sums up his entire movement, people who think this old fart is going to rain skittles from the sky if he wins, replace all the drinking fountains with doctor pepper.

Ok back to Trump, why do I think he’s so popular?
He’s an ex reality tv star, need I say more? This is the age where reality and entertainment meshed almost indistinguishably. Is it any wonder America wants a living meme as a president? I mean what does a president even really do? Why does a democratic country need one leader when everything is decided by a committee defeating the purpose of one leader? They’re just a figure head, they’re a symbol, like batman, (Well maybe not in russia but that’s a different story) they do nothing more than represent America and who honestly, really represents America? Some old codger, Shillary of wallstreet or An ex reality star who just says the first insane thing that rolls out of his wacky head? A crazy billionaire twin of Boris Johnson looney toon who pisses everyone off and doesn’t give a fuck? I think of America and Trump is the first thing I think of haha.

Either way this election is going to be hilarious, if Bernie wins all his supporters are happy for about a year before they turn on him like they did Obama when he didn’t close gitmo. If Hillary wins that should be pretty funny, she’ll probably change the washing monument to a lifesize model of her 50ft cunt. Anf If Trump wins that could be the funniest thing to happen to the earth haha.

 

0

Star Wars the force awakens the internet’s feckless crybabies.

Ok I said I would tackle this ‘issue’ just for fun, this might not be what some were expecting when I said I’d rant about the monopoly thing but who cares, this is my opinion, don’t like it write an angry comment I can ignore and go on with your day.
When I first saw this article I wasn’t that surprised. Recently it seems like the current generation are just prone waiting for the next minor injustice to be offended by. And then let everyone on twitter know what amazing progressive wunderkin they are for being offended at said non-issue first and receive the most pats on the back from their like minded drooling idiot followers.

So down to the ‘problem’ at hand, with the release of the new Star Wars movie, the force awakens. The force was awakened to a bunch of new star wars related crap parents are forced to buy their squealing offspring to secure their love for another year. One such piece of crap was a set of star wars the force awakens monopoly.

So far so good, monopoly, harmless capitalism in a box with a star wars theme, not the first time and probably wont be the last time a new set of star wars monopoly is released. But the ‘big deal’ about this new star wars and this new set of monopoly is that the new main character of this current incarnation of star wars happens to be a carrier of a holey vagina. And that said character was not featured in the set of monopoly, oh shit I should have put a trigger warning in there, I’m sure by now people are foaming at the mouth and snapping their problem glasses in half.

Obviously the internet is in an uproar, over monopoly, no seriously.
“It’s sexist” “Holy misogyny batman” “But the force awakens in Rey!” Wah wah wah, it’s just fucking monopoly, who cares? These idiots care, idiots who inject feminism and gender and race into every stupid fucking thing and just can’t let anything go.

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Here are the offensive monopoly pieces in question as you can see, not a vagina between them, what a travesty.
So the characters from left to right are; Return of the Jedi Luke Skywalker, Finn, Kylo Ren and Darth Vader.
The theme of the board game was heroes vs villains so you have two heroes vs two villains, now this to me is the first point of contention. Anyone who watched force awakens knows there was only one villain because no one counts Ron Weasley’s older brother, Captain Phasma who has like three lines and Darth Golem. They would never make good pieces to go alongside Kylo, who would want to play as Emperor Snoke? He’s not this hugely fleshed out character and he just spends the entire movie sitting down looking menacing.
The thing I think a lot of the internet’s pearl clutchers overlook is the fact that if Finn was substituted for Rey I think the shitstorm would have been equal if not worse, with Black lives matter taking a shit on Hasbro’s lawn and wiping their asses with Chewbaccas face.
Really you’re between a rock and a hard place in terms of representation, and star wars has always been poked at by race baiters and other idiots for having a white character voiced by a black man because that’s racist… for reasons.
But “hold on” say the shrill masses of the internet, “Why don’t they just have Rey and Finn?” Well yeah that would solve all the problems except the two villains required, you can’t just have Vader next to Kylo when Vader is dead in that movie, so you’d have to replace him with Phasma or Snoke.
Bare in mind this monopoly set would have been mass produced months before the movie was even in cinemas so they have no idea how well the movie will do let alone how well characters like Phasma and Snoke will track. In my opinion this is Hasbro trying to straddle two markets to insure themselves against another possible star wars flop. They decided to include Luke and Vader so as to ensure the set would sell even if the movie didn’t because Vader and Luke will always sell you can always bank on the original trilogy making money.It would have been a total gamble not including those original characters.

The other argument I hear is “Why don’t they just make more pieces?” yeah well why don’t they include a dye cast model of the bar scene in mos eisley or a life size model of the yoda training scene in the dagoba swamps? Because it would cost too much fucking money. Every company has a projection for how much money they want to make and how much they’re willing to spend and obviously four pewter figures was the maximum amount they wanted to mass produce per set because four players is the optimal amount for one game of monopoly.
And again if they included Rey who would be her adversary? There’s still only one villain in the force awakens, you can’t just have two Kylo Rens that’s dumb.
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Another ‘controversy’ from kneejerk morons on the internet was over this Millenium Falcon toy because again it doesn’t have the vagina having wonder aboard.
“SEXISM” MUH-SOGGY-KNEES!!!”

Is it though? Notice anything else missing from this piece, ahem, Han fucking Solo perhaps??
Yeah Rey and Han aren’t included because this was made long before the movies came out and probably released before or at the same time as the film and those character’s aren’t included to prevent spoilers for the movie itself. So it’s not that Finn is more important because he’s male because the fucking robot is included but Han is nowhere to be found.
But the bottom line is toys like this are aimed at boys, no matter how ‘progressive’ you are you have to realise not all toys are aimed at every type of child.
Toy companies make money by appealing to a particular demographic and they do this by product testing and market projections. And despite this wave of progressive feminist thought, little boys still like playing with action figures and space ships more than little girls and probably wouldn’t play with a female action figure.
I mean there’s probably the odd one or two male childrem that will play with a female doll and a girl that might like a space ship over a barbie but toy companies don’t make toys for the minority of kids, they make them for lowest common denominator because that’s how you make money.
In conclusion this is just another example of idiots on the internet with dumb agendas trying to push them by ignoring the all the facts and twisting every non-issue into a way that somehow oppresses them for some contrived reason, nothing to see here people, move along.

Thanks as always go to Florian for doing the art on the strip, if you want to see more strips and more of Florian’s messed up art, head to the Jeffrey Dahmer and Greg comic page for more fucked up un-pc humour.

Cheers!

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Je suis Jeffrey

I did this strip which the lovely Florian brought to life after The Charlie Hebdo attacks, obviously because of the play on the famous slogan ‘Je suis Charlie’. I thought it was as good a time as any talk to talk about freedom of speech and the clash of the secular and religious worlds. A controversial subject but I’ll try really hard to put a dick joke in there somewhere.

I’m basically an atheist, I say basically because I distance myself from the mainstream movement of atheism+ and all this political correct feminazi new age atheism that has nothing at all to do with scepticism and is in fact a lot worse than most religious doctrines have at least had hundreds if not thousands of years to hammer out basic principles whereas atheism+ is a clusterfuck of entitled knowitall morons who want to preach their navel-gazing to the world.

So as an atheist a couple of years back I was really anti-religious and I joined all these lame little facebook groups to argue with religious folk for fun and just to sharpen my claws. I don’t really do that anymore because sjws and feminists are much more fun to troll and you don’t really get anywhere with religious people. There will always be religion, there will always be people who believe and there’s no changing that and arguing with them just sends them further down the rabbit hole I find. But feminism and sjwism is a different story, you can’t save the most diehard of the zealots but the people on the outside looking in can be saved, there are undecided people in the soup of the left and the middle and those souls can be directed away from the train wreck of social justice.

In as much as the radical right are laughed at because we on the left dominate popular culture, the radical left are handled with kid gloves. Essentially the moderates on the left by remaining silent, tacitly supporting, or even attacking the right just for being right or the Christian right just for being Christian, gives these ideologues the consent they need to wage their ideological war. Radicals as always hide behind the moderates and the principles they stand for so the extremists on the left will preach the same things as any other liberal, for gay rights and equality and between the sexes and freedom of speech then when your back is turned they’re propping an ideology that runs completely counter to those liberal principles because they’re afraid of being called racist if they don’t.

Yeah you weren’t sure when I was getting to Islam, well there you go, threw you a motherfucking curveball didn’t I? Pow right in the kissa!

That’s right, the problem with the left right now is that they’re too tolerant, to a point where they tolerate intolerance, they will happily attack a Christian bakery for not wanting to make a lesbian wedding cake but they will prop up and even try to justify the religious ideology that is leaving bodies all over Europe.

The cake thing is a great illustration of the differences between an Islamic country and a Christian country, biggest problem gay people face in a Christian country; Have to travel down the road to a different bakery. Biggest problem facing gay people in Islamic countries; trying to avoid being thrown off buildings.

I’m by no means defending Christianity, I’m just stating a fact, if I was gay I would much rather live in America or the up and than anywhere in the middle east.

I’m just so fucking sick of having these atheist apologists attacking Christianity to defend Islam. I see this everywhere, we talk about the violent terror attacks of Islam and they’ll throw stats at you showing that only 5% of terrorists attacks are from Islam or they’ll talk about the Christian crusades. And if you ask why aren’t these non-Islamic terror attacks talked about mainstream media they’ll put on their tinfoil hat and say the media refuses to report on them and instead just focuses on Islam to stoke up tensions. Which could be true but it’s a conspiracy theory, it can’t be proved either way so speculating on it is fruitless.
The fact of the matter is these attacks happen and unlike the crusades they’re happening right now, the difference between Christianity and Islam is that Christianity left the dark ages in the dark ages. Islam is bringing it back every other day.
These arguments don’t hold up, should Christianity be held to account for the crusades in the present and have that example used to justify Islamic violence in the presence. It’s like Jew beating a German to death because of the holocaust and siding with the Jew because at some point his relatives who are long dead were oppressed by the long dead relatives of that German so it’s ok. Or in the past the ancestors of that German were Vikings that burnt down a Saxon village so the English can now burn down Berlin for fun.

We live in the here and now, the use of these arguments are the manipulation of solipsistic sophists who only care about being perceived as on the right side of history but have no idea where right is because of their cultural and moral relativism and complete narcissism.

Political correctness is a shield that ideologies that cannot be defended with logic and reason hide behind political correctness is the enemy of freedom of expression. They use terms like ‘Islamophobia’ to characterise their dissenters not as rational actors reaction to a violent bigoted and hateful ideology but as mentally ill bigots themselves who should be more tolerant of other cultures and stop hating on brown people.
So again for the Ben Afflecks of the world, Islam is not a race, they’re an ideology and like all ideologies they should be put under scrutiny. Muslims are not an oppressed minority; they’re one of the fastest growing religions in the world.
Not that I’m saying in any way that that justifies the oppression of individual Muslims, they’re not all terrorists either, there are extremists in all religions. But I won’t go so far as to be a cultural relativist and ignore something which should be apparent to everyone, there are no jainist terrorists so there must be a problem inherent in Islam and a reformation is sorely needed to bring them into the 21st century kicking and screaming if necessary because as it stands their ideology is not compatible with western values and at the end of the day it’s the moderates who will suffer all round.

Ok rant over. Sort of an incoherent brain fart but it was good to get it out, my head feels lighter.

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Ham on Rye

First I must apologise for my absence to my readers (all three of you), I’ve been deathly ill with some unknown pathogen and haven’t been capable of doing much more than playing payday 2 endlessly and coughing up chunks of lung.

With my return I decided to share one of my older Dahmer and Greg sketches, this was a guest piece by the guy who does the art for 3 Ring, the one and only Mike (Now Ike, there was already a Mike Golden in comics) Golden. And use it to address a current trend I’ve noticed or maybe it’s just me.

It’s become quite ‘trendy’ so as to say mainstream or socially acceptable to mock Christianity and creationism and Catholicism and all that jazz. This is not to say I have anything against them being mocked, quite the opposite as you can see from the strip, I did it myself.
I feel any and all beliefs should be rife for scrutiny and parody at all time without exception.
I personally consider myself an atheistic Satanist but that’s a long story in regards to why I don’t call myself an atheist anymore, which is tangentially linked with this but a bit too much of a digression, don’t want to hurt that flow.

I think its fine and necessary to mock all beliefs and anything that isn’t nailed down including and especially atheism, which is why Trey Parker and Matt Stone of South Park will always be heroes of mine for leaving no stone unturned for parody and having the balls to carry it through.

I think I may have touched on this before when I talked about the Isis cake thing, but I do think there’s a reticence in the left or at least the social justice left to criticise Islam when they’ll happily mock Christianity and get a million retweets on twitter.

But if you criticise Islam you’re instantly a bigot and a racist and you deserved to be hounded off twitter. If you criticise feminism you’re a misogynist, if you criticise blacklivesmatter you’re a racist again. All these labels are just there to squash discussions and to not have to debate their points logically.

But that’s not really what I’m trying to get at, the overall point I’m trying to make is that mocking Christianity has as a result of it becoming socially acceptable it’s become boring and meaningless, oversaturated. It would be like making a pedo priest joke, everyone’s heard them all. There’s not bite anymore, I guess with this new wave of social justice warriors I’ve garnered a new found respect for Christians. I don’t in any way believe in objective morality but after seeing the depravity and solipsism of moral relativism, I can appreciate the goal of seeking moral objectivity despite it obviously being impossible.

I think to myself if I had kids who would I prefer them to be brainwashed by a feminist or a Christian? I come up with Christian every time. I mean there’s not a lot of difference really, both will tell them they’re broken pieces of shit that need this overbearing force in their lives to get right with. Both will tell them only through them can they be saved and both will say anyone that disagrees with them is an idiot or a bigot. But the Christian will at least instil them with some sense of morality even if it’s for a completely ridiculous reason when the feminist will just ask mindless obedience to whatever scattered ideal they have at the moment.
Maybe if you gave social justice and feminism a couple thousand years more it would be a better or a more solid religion than it is but right now it’s all over the place.

I think that’s way with all culture to be honest, once it becomes mainstream and socially acceptable is the point it stops being edgy and it stops making the point it made before. Christian beliefs if you truly believe them literally are silly, let’s face it but allegorically they’re not that bad, a lot of the book is pretty inconsistent and is relative of the time for most of the bullshit about justifying slavery, I’m by no means being an apologist for Christianity but moreover the most radical of Christians are just fucking annoying, they don’t blow (usually) blow your shit up or cut your head off on camera or try and get you fired from your job and destroy your life for disagreeing with them on the internet.

So to me hating them seems like a waste of energy, I don’t agree with them, I don’t support them; I just think it’s better than tumblr. The bible is better than tumblr there I said it ha-ha (I’m full of shit, I’ve never read either). I just can’t summon the energy to hate them when there are forces amassing in power that are far more insidious than some 2000 year old Jew zombie cult. It just leaves a bad taste in my mouth, like someone smacking an old donkey. It’s like how it’s sort of socially acceptable to be racist and sexist towards white guys, even among white guys, these people, these sjws think they’re counter culture. They think they’re not mainstream, they’re edgy and hip, they couldn’t be more wrong, they couldn’t be more mainstream, they are the establishment and the sooner people realise that the sooner they’ll fall apart.

Forgive this dazed sickness induced rant, just been rambling incessantly from one abstract point to the other incoherently and I must put it to a stop right now and get back to trying not to die.
Peace out!

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Shameless Flaggotry

I know I’m a little late to the party with this and I sort of already touched on it, well a lot late but I’m running out of comic strips while Florian is taking his extended holiday and I need to blog about some controversial shit. I’m trying to come at it from a different angle at the very least.

I don’t really believe that someone had an Isis cake made when the confederate flag was banned from that shop, I mean I could believe it, America is that dumb. I mean I could see some person making a cake and not knowing what the Isis flag is or what it means and just making a cake thinking it’s for a bar mitzvah or something. The Isis flag doesn’t say Isis on it and it doesn’t have pictures of decapitated heads on it, its just words no one can understand.

So I’d forgive someone for mistakenly turning it into a cake.

What really annoyed me about this issue and what really annoys me to this day is the way Islam is coddled by the left. I don’t really identify with any political movement but I’m definitely left leaning and I’m not religious. To me the way the left treats Islam it’s almost like an abusive spouse making excuses for their abuser. An Islamic attack occurs and they’re the first to shout, ‘he/she didn’t mean it, I was asking for it/I know he/she loves me really’. But as soon as it’s a white guy all white guys are guilty, suffering from a case ‘toxic masculinity’. It’s become socially acceptable to hate someone as long as they’re either white or male. Not just socially acceptable, almost lorded.

I have no idea what point I’m trying to make, just seem to be rambling but I just can’t logical inconsistencies and this constant barrage of ideologies trying to claim an event and use it to propel their own sense of moral authority.

This whole thing with the flag is silly, the people on the left want to take it down because it offends them and they believe it’s a symbol of racism etc and the right want to keep it up because why the fuck not, it’s history. To be perfectly honest I have to agree with them, I personally wouldn’t march down my road in an ss uniform but I’d like to live in a world where someone was free to that without some asshole chiming in saying they were offended. I don’t want to wear an ss uniform I just think it’d be nice to have the option ha-ha.

The idea of banning the flag is ridiculous to me; it’s like going into a museum and asking them to take down the ancient Egyptian exhibit because the Egyptians enslaved Jews. It’s just history and regardless of whether you think the flag is racist or not, you don’t care about what the flag means to other people, the people that like it so why should they care what you think it means?

So a guy who shot people liked the flag, so what, people who like the American/UK/Israeli flag shoot people daily. It doesn’t mean we should ban the flag. It’s no different to me than when Jack Thompson tried to blame the columbine shooting on doom. People just use shootings to propel their own pet project. They just find a shooting and then just savage it for titbits to take out of context or twist to push their particular brand of moralist fascism.

This week it’s a flag, banning a flag, will that stop racism? No, so why do it? I’ll tell you why, because this is just a tug of war, politics has become a petty point scoring, mud sling off, where each side just tries to one up the other, maybe it was always like that and I only just noticed. This flag is just a slam dunk; it’s just a way to piss off the right while the left can remain morally self-righteous and snooty about it, which pisses off the right two fold.

It’s not about racism, a racist person can own the confederate flag but the majority of people that own them I imagine are not racist. There’s a difference between a neo-Nazi and a person that collects ww2 memorabilia. You don’t need to hate Jews to read Mein Kampf, but we live in a culture of witch hunters these last couple of years and guilt by association is their favourite game. If you’ve ever brushed past an anti-semite on the train you’re Adolph Hitler’s cousin, if you’ve ever not liked a post on Lizzy the lezzy you’re a transphobic misogynist racist.

Merely owning a confederate flag makes you suspect, you’re guilty until proven innocent in the court of public opinion.

To quote the wise words of Ben Affleck ‘Eww that’s racist’. Islam is not a race you numpty, nor is it oppressed; it’s the most rapidly growing religion in recent history.

It’s ok for feminists and sjws to hate white men but to criticise Isis would be problematic, and this is the state of moral relativism we live in. We can’t shame terrorists because that’s not trending.
So what should be done in regards to the Isis flag, should we ban that, or would that be racist? If you even have to ask there’s no hope for you, how about we just leave all the flags alone and call it quits?

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