Lupus by Jessica

Another great opening.

Again you had me second guessing myself right at the start, I’m like a paragraph in like ‘Is this some lame sadgasm story about a girl in a car accident’ nope it’s some kind of zombie/monster apocalypse story with cars and swords- ok, I had literally no idea what was going on at the start but I liked it haha. It pulled me in right away.
Don’t get me wrong though it still needs some work, just some of the description and some of the metaphors didn’t connect. Some of the lore around the world and creatures could have been delivered better. Like you could have had the kid disgusted by the guy killing the little girl monster rather than having him just thinking about people’s reaction to it. Little things like that have a big effect, keeping showing instead of telling. Some of the dialogue needs a little work, it’s a little too edgy for it’s own good. It doesn’t feel very natural.
But overall it’s fun, it has a cool concept, the action is good, like a modern Witcher, very entertaining.