(If you know why I used this header image, you’re a terrible person haha)
What did I just read?
I don’t think I’ve ever cringed so hard in my life.
You couldn’t get a worse audience for this than me, I am not the demographic this is intended for at all, not even close. So please forgive me for this review because in all honesty a teenage girl or some edgy kid off Tumblr would probably love this. Someone who likes twilight but wanted it to be more like fifty shades of grey. But is fifty shades of grey or twilight well written, are they styles that should be emulated? I would say no but there are thousands upon thousands of people who would vehemently disagree with me. But I’m not going to rate this on a scale of other people’s opinions, I’m going to try and look at this as objectively as possible.
First things first the writing style is ok, it’s easy to read, which is great for the intended audience. The main characters is a good base, she’s you, she’s the reader, it comes through very well. She’s a costume for the reader to slip into.
The main problem with this story is it isn’t one, it’s a porno. It’s fifty shades of grey with magical wolves. Thus, it feels like the characters and the story are just filler for the sex basically. The characters are stereotypes, cookie cutter and that’s perfect for a younger audience. I mean that’s why we have archetypes and stereotypes so they’re easily digestible, that works perfectly for younger readers. But it doesn’t seem like they serve the story other than just to be the frame for the sex.
It’s not a bad porno though, me saying it’s a porno doesn’t invalidate it or instantly write it off. A porno can still have a decent story which for your intended audience is exactly what will help them get into the eroticism in the book.
The writing style is a little barebones for me, a little teenage, it doesn’t really have a lot of description, it’s not paced well. It just jumps from scene to scene. I mean one minute she’s having an argument, the next she’s fighting a vampire, the next she wants to get double teamed by two wolves she just met. There’s no real progression, no atmosphere or build up or scene setting. You’re too eager, you need to take your time, you need to build the world a little, let us get to know the characters a little more, do more showing and less telling. We need to know more about the place they live and about them as people, not just tell us they like books or partying and they like black. You need to show us.
Other than that, it’s not poorly written, the dialogue is not great, it’s very stiff and some of it just cringe city and what do you have against speech marks? Also, vampires why? Isn’t this enough like twilight?
Overall, it’s not so bad I would outright bin it, but it’s not something I would read, I’m just not the intended audience. It just needs a lot of work if you want to sell this, but if this is just a hobby for you, this will probably be a lot of fun put in the right hands (i.e. not mine).