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Green Sunday Chapter 10 ‘Romeo is bleeding’ (Raw)

Latest chapter of GS proofread, as usual rough as shit, still having it edited, I should have chapter 3 back by next week. So hold your breath for that haha.
As usual you can check out the rest of the chapter on inkitt, which I will link to at the top and bottom. I do that because you can’t copy and paste any of that and it’s easier to read on tablets and stuff and you can read it in order.

Green Sunday Chapter 10

~

“There he is!” Dave said as he pointed over his Sikh billionaire boss’s shoulder. Standing erect with a pair of expensive looking binoculars.

“You littal cant!” Pete said as he cranked the pressure gauge in his custom air arrow launcher. He narrowed his eyes to keep track of a wiley moving target.

The scope flitted around trying to keep track of ragged green form as it darted from cover to cover dipping. “Keep still you little barstard!” Pete spat.

“Think you can outrun me you little facka!”

“He’s over there!” Dave screeched as he leaned on the raised lip of the gunstore roof.

Pete tried to steady his breathing as he tunnelled his vision down the scope of the rifle. He tried to hone his concentration on this vagrant target eluding his gaze. A quick flicker of light and a sharp piercing feeling of murderous intent. Pete was sent reeling off his makeshift perch on the roof.

“What was that” Dave said.

Pete looked over himself patting down for injuries “Something came right at me”. Pete readied himself again at his perch. “There!” Dave screamed. A lithe figure slipped through a gap in a wall of milling living corpses. Completely oblivious to this quick witted sewer rat of a man breezing past them.

“You fuckin what!’” Pete said as he gritted his teeth pulling hard on the trigger of the arrow launcher. A quick bolt and satisfying release of pressure. An arrow was thrust into the crowd as the figure disappeared.

“Did you get ‘im?” Dave said.

“I dunno” Pete said as he lifted the rifle up and rested it against the wall.

“Who the fuck was that?” Dave said standing in an awkward pose. Feeling a little buzzed and drained from the excitement. As if for a fleeting moment the shoe was on the other foot. He glanced back over to the spot the cornered animal was last seen with his binoculars. he had to catch his breath despite not having moved an inch. “Hah does that one kinda look like Burt Reynolds to you?” he said as he looked out over the shambling corpses on the other side of the street.

“Another c’ant like us, I reckon. Didn’t get a good look at ‘im.” Pete said as he leant against the lip of the roof. He took out a hunting pipe and filled it with tobacco. He lit it and took some measured pulls on the horn lip piece with a faraway look on his face. Listening to the sound of his own heartbeat. As he put pressure on the wall, the other side cracked a little and little pieces of mortar and brick crumbled. Following the cracks in the what was now seen as a hastily and shoddily built raised wall around the roof. The owner probably used for his own late night target practice. Lodged a good four or five inches into the mortar was a shiney and very sharp looking butterfly knife

~

A sickly light trickled through the gaps in the shutters of an upmarket house on the more affluent side of town. The house was still and looked vacant in the bluing light of the evening. The night on its way bringing a much needed stillness to the ‘busy’ town. The house was old looking, reminiscent of some older new England town houses. A two storey affair made of retouched white wood and roofed with grey tiles. The windows were partitioned with the same white wood. All with drawn curtains and shutters.

Inside the house a deathly cold gripped the anterooms and the hall. A musty smell the owners must have gotten used to living in such an old house permeated the rooms. And the floorboards creaked like an old haunted house.

The stairs were fairly grand, made of an elegant hardwood. Leaving them cold as century old bone to the touch. The faded blue light gave them a dreamlike quality, still as if out of time entirely. Like the whole house were some sort of display or diorama meant for looking but not touching.

Nevertheless something was living there. Something stirred in the dull blue light that probed the dank house. Little feet slapped the icy staircase as they descended the large steps. Creating the slightest creaking noises on the old steps.

A little girl, maybe five or six in a frilly night gown descended the stairs like a ghost. She held a stuffed iguana close to her little chest. She peered into the inky blue stillness of her home and saw a spark of light. There was a warm glow building in the furthest corner of her house. Followed by whispers and hissing sounds through gritted teeth and a strange smell.

She tiptoed down the stairs trying to make as little noise as possible. As she got closer the angered hissing noises continued. She could hear a few choice words and laboured breathing as she approached the light source.

The light was coming from her living room. A small fire stoked in the old wood burning fireplace. There was a man sat down in front of the fire talking to himself angrily.

“I’ll get you, you asshole, you just wait, I know where you are! I’ll get you and I’ll-ergh!“ The man muttered to himself as he nursed a wound in his shoulder. A bloody arrow tossed on the hardwood floor by the fireside. He sat on a large green army coat in front of the fire rocking back and forth like caged animal. A blood stained kitchen knife clutched in his hand as he held his arm, pressing it against himself.

“Santa is that you?” The little girl said as she saw his scraggly beard and long hair. “It’s a little early, where are all the presents?”

“Presents?” Carpenter said furrowing his brow in a confused daze. Caught off guard by the little girl in her pyjamas, he gripped the knife tighter. “I don’t have any presents”

“Oh” The girl said, taking it surprisingly well. “Well could you help me?” She said as she tightened her face a little. “My mommy and daddy are sick” Her voice raising slightly at the end catching herself.

“Shhhhh” Carpenter said as he smiled and put his finger up to his mouth. “Take me to them” He smiled broadly exposing his yellowed teeth. “Santa has something for them” He said as he stood up shakily, sliding the knife underneath his belt.

~

If you like what you read so far of this excerpt go check out the full chapter on inkitt completely free.

Green Sunday Chapter 10

Cheers.

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Review of Cinderella’s Revenge By Ben Jones Jr

I did a little review for this twist on a classic fairy tale, like long kiss goodnight meets happily ever after.

“Fairytale with overtones of the count of monte christo. I found this really enjoyable. I’m a big fan of murder mystery and crime thrillers, you caught me in the middle of reading the Dexter series by Jeff Lindsay back to back, I just finished the sixth book. I mention that because I imagine I had the same look on my face reading that as I did reading this.
I often criticise stories for having very uneventful first chapters, lots of people like to play it close to the chest the first chapter. Failing to realise that the first chapter is the first impression and is almost a synopsis of what someone can expect from the entire story. This first chapter did not fail my expectations.
Great start, sticking with the fairy tale elements, gradual subtle foreshadowing, a crawling sense of dread and just uneasiness creeping in as if happily ever after is moment to moment. Tragedy just around the corner turning a comedy into a tragedy. As this was all unfurling and I could tell it was, I could feel a grin creeping up the corners of my mouth. The end of the first chapter is a little clichéd but I almost feel like that works to it’s advantage by incorporating those revenge tropes in a fairytale story and creating the standard cliffhanger ending.
Frankly it’s a deliciously evil story, the writing style is very competent, the plot has all those great elements of intrigue and as a revenge story I find it very interesting and will undoubtedly keep a close eye on it in the future.”

If you like the sound of it head on over to inkitt to read it for yourself. Cinderella’s Revenge.

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Jessica Jones and the death of gamergate?

Provocative title eh? Such clickbait, much attention whoring.

Ok well I was sort of taking the piss, bit of a satire on how this show was heralded as the coming of hipster Jesus by lots of feminist and ‘progressive’ sites just because… baginabaginabagina!

Yeah the main character has a, as noted professional feminist Clementine Ford likes to say “Shame cave”. But luckily this review won’t really dwell on that too long because there’s actually a lot wrong with it that has nothing to do with misogyny and a lot right with it that has nothing to do with feminism. So with that little bullshit footnote out of the way, we can actually talk about Jessica Jones.

I know I’m a little late to the party on this one, but what’s new? And with the news of a second season on the horizon I thought it was better late than never to review the first season.
My girlfriend sort of forced this on me for some reason, not that I don’t love watching stuff with her, but she seemed oddly forceful with this and being the contrarian cunt I am. I always make things difficult and when someone wants me to do something, I first try and get out of it, I don’t why, I’m just an asshole.
So this started a little fight and of course I gave in and we watched it, I like a petulant child trying to pick apart everything from the ‘edgy’ intro where Jessica is all ‘kewl’ doing a monologue from the weird porn music this show has for a title sequence. Which of course turned into another mini spat and after much apologizing from me, we tried to watch it again and shock horror I actually started to enjoy it. It was a painful experience.
I didn’t like the character of Jessica, I just think the person who played her (can’t be arsed to google her name) was too waify (No waify, not waifu, it means like thin or slender) and elflike and too much of a ‘pretty girl’ to be believable as this bad ass detective semi-superhero who answers the phone on the toilet and drinks all the booze, such edge, much noir.
So instantly I was put off because it just seemed to be trying too hard to push the noir buttons and it felt a little forced and none of the characters really seemed to resonate with me. I found Jessica bitchy and annoying, Trish I found insanely consistently annoying, her neighbours are a scale of annoying all on their own. I was surprised Simpson even stayed as a character because he was hollow as a character in my opinion and annoying. Her boss is also bitchy and annoying but probably also one of the most interesting characters. Luke Cage is kind of boring and it’s annoying he doesn’t get more screen time.

But…
Throughout, as I find myself desperately trying to give a shit about any of these characters, a purple spectre looms over them and it’s almost too delicious to ignore.
The show starts off a little lame, Jessica just drinking herself to death for reasons… that become clearer later on. She is trying to get over some traumatic event kept hidden from the audience and trying to assuage a guilty conscience by using her super powers to help people in need and make enough money to buy cheap booze I guess and fix her fucking door!
Seriously, her door is broken at the start and there’s this running gag that drives me nuts where she keeps trying to get it fixed and she either fucks it up while it’s being fixed or breaks it again. And to my girlfriends delight, I found this niggling and incredibly ANNOYING just to have it fixed off screen and the running gag dropped like it never happened. Way to stick it in and break it off Jessica Jones, from me and every other person with tinges of OCD; fuck you!

Ok now that I got that out of the way, I thought the cases and the premise were a little thin, because rather than following the sort of ‘freak of the week’ style made popular by Buffy and supernatural, where something new happens or a new character is introduced every episode. It’s instead almost like an episodic film with the story told more like the wire or a TV show of that nature, which I’m definitely glad they went with because the actual villain had the strength to carry the whole show.

Now finally, getting to the best part, been twisting my legs in fangirlish expectation trying not to squirt all over my laptop. Let’s just say the main villain is boss, like I haven’t loved a villain this much since Sylar from the once great but now utterly shit heroes.
I sneer at your Loki, I laugh at your Ultron and I will without a doubt piss myself when I finally see Ivan Ooze the remake haha.
Purpleman, or Kilgrave in the show because he’s not actually purple in the show because… well that would silly and I doubt David Tennant would want to be painted purple just to stay true to a fucking comic, this isn’t Buffy, no one cares, it would have been dumb. If David Tennant had come out covered in purple paint the whole dark brooding ‘take me serious daddy’ noir elements they were gently coaxing up to that point would have been smashed into a million pieces.
So no he’s not purple and I haven’t read the comics, but I actually might just for Kilgrave, he’s that awesome. If just for Tennant’s performance, you can really tell he’s enjoying every minute of this roll and it adds so much to that playful devilish smile he has.

Kilgrave has the power to control people’s minds, any order he gives, you have to carry out, it’s a little like professor x but he can’t read minds. Which adds this odd dichotomy where he can control people but he never really knows whether they want to do what they’re doing or not. And to add an extra level of fuckery, the people he controls are completely aware when he’s controlling them. So it has this added trauma of feeling completely powerless, having no control over your actions but being completely aware of how powerless you are at the same time. Like a night terror or sleep apnoea. Oh fuck this is already too long.maxresdefault

Needless to say Tennant made the show for me, his boyish charm mixed with the amoral sadism of Kilgrave just appealed to my inner shitlord. All the other characters I could have taken or left and even my girlfriend who is much more easy going than me, was incredibly annoyed by the irrelevance of some of the side characters. Literally almost shaking her fist at some of the scenes like; ‘why is this happening? Why is this important?’. It’s a great show but it has a lot of fluff and Kilgrave is a great villain but he could have been used a little sparingly. And *SPOILERS START* He could have been killed off in a much more interesting way or not at all if they had intended to make a second series from the get go, which I’m not sure was the case. I felt that the writing was kind of poor, not so much the dialogue but just, how some of the characters were dumb for reasons at some points like Kilgrave at his death, when up til that point he’d proved himself very competent at not dying. I just don’t see much of a case for a season two now the main character is killed in such a non-ambiguous way. It’s like these people have never read a fucking comic book, if you’re gonna kill your best main villain and possibly make a second season you might want to make his death a little more ambiguous, maybe blow him up or have him fall off a waterfall, not break his fucking neck with your bare hands, come on. *SPOILERS CEASE*.

Ok now to the gamergate stuff;

IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH GAMERGATE!

It’s just amazing that they let people make such spurious bullshit claims and call it journalism. Just injecting your own bullshit narrative into your favourite show and calling it an article and not a sad attempt at propaganda is…sad. I refuse to link people to anything written by a social justice wanker, no more clicks for them, they’re on a low click diet. But whether you agree with gamergate or not (Which I do, so fuck you if you don’t) trying to project your own narrative into something that literally makes no assertions one way or the other is ridiculous. I mean are these people so immune to fun that they have to make everything about their agenda? They can’t just watch a fucking tv show without wanting to push their bullshit into it?
To say Jessica Jones someone who is essentially fighting a war against her rapist who can also control minds is anything to do with a consumer movement about ethics in games journalism (of which the  article I’m talking about is written by one of the journalists brought into question) is ludicrous.

But people love simple explanations to complex issues, they always have and they always will; “Gamergate is just an evil white cis het misogynist man child that wears purple and just wants to get it’s way and rape all d wimmens hurhurhur horkhorkhork!” – Fuck off.Kilgrave_Promotional

 

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Green Sunday review by Waywardknight3

Got a nice review from a really nice guy on Inkitt I did a review or, a little nepotism never hurt anyone haha. I mean it’s not great getting these back scratching reviews but it’s better than nothing.
So check it out and if you want to read Green Sunday you know where to go. http://www.inkitt.com/stories/25507

I don't want to put too many spoilers in this but here it goes.
I love the story so far. You have done an excellent job at building tension and mystery pertaining to what is going on in the story. True its a zombie story but its light years beyond an average one. Its obvious that something dark and sinister is taking place behind the scenes that seems far worse than your average toxic chemical spill or passing meteor. Its so nice to get a refreshing taste of the zombie genre. The relationship between Tj and Sunday is perfectly written so far. Him with that bumbling never touched a woman quality, and her with a brooding level of confidence that would shake the most steady of men. You have been able to convey the tough girl in a believe none heartless @#&% sort of way. I also like how you where able to capture the essence of the pseudo-zombie apocalypse experts in Zed and his gang. I loved that to my very core. I have to agree with you that we do write very similar to one another. I admire it when someone does what I do and throws their passions into their writing despite who might find it offensive, But I also have a feeling that we could have quite a long rant together about things that piss us off in the world. Now I guess I will tell you what you already know, as you are working on getting your chapters professionally edited, the later chapters are simply longer than the should be by an editors standards. Let me be clear I still love them... They are great... But often times editors often strip things down quite a bit. Good writing and please keep it up I can't wait to read the rest.
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Green Sunday Chapter 8 Motorpsycho Nitemare (Raw)

Proofread the latest chapter of GS, as usual it’s just an excerpt for copyright reasons so if you want to read the rest of the chapter and previous chapters in a better format head on over to inkitt. 

GS Chapter 8
The stillness of the early morning was deafening. cold and brittle like the morning before, shattered by hurried footsteps and the sound of frantic panting. A red haired man in sweats jogged with a limping gate, taking cold and wet heaves of terrified breathes. He choked as much of the damp morning air down as he could to keep his limbs moving. Lactic acid got into every joint and muscle as he tried frantically to make his body work how it was supposed to.

A bright light pierced the mist of the ambivalent early morning. Accompanied by an obnoxiously loud and slightly tinny harley continental engine tearing into life. a black gloved hand revved it for the pleasure of the vibration in his gut. He grabbed his leather clad crouch with his gloved hand to rearrange the furniture. The sound and smell of creaking leather bringing a smile to his greasy stubbly face.

“Let’s go fuck shit up”

He pulled his denim waistcoat tighter across his skinny frame. The name “Lamchop” embossed above the left breast pocket. The biker dragged a chain across his lap. The end of which had a barbed hook that he hung over the side. He nudged the kickstand with his leather boot and screeched off down the suburban street.

The town was so still, dead and dying. The red headed jogger could’ve heard the engine on the other side of town. but he was sure it was closer, his eyes widened and his pupils shrank as he looed into the mist. He doubled his pace, his muscles crying out with pain with every terrified step.

The biker let out some slack into the chain, one hand on the handles of his bike, he let it swing idly at his side as he drove. Noticing a shape form in the mist he took control of it’s swinging motion. With the strength of his wrist alone he began to spin the chain at his side. Building up speed, keeping full control of the bike as he did so.

Reaching terminal velocity on the chain. The shape was within striking distance. He released it as if launching a dog at an unsuspecting rabbit from the barrel of a gun. All the force from his wrist snapping it at the shape coming at him from the mist.

The chain struck with snake-like snapping precision. It tangled around the feet of it’s victim locking it in place at the ankle. The savage biting barbs rending flesh from the bone and sticking stalwart in the calf of the bait.

No noise was heard over the thunderous engine, no screams, no pleas for help, just cold early morning dimness. The chain stopped for a brief moment slack as it was. Then it took on life once again as the bike pulled away. The chain snaked up with a vicious snapping sound. Yanking it’s victim off it’s feet and dragging them across the the neatly tarmacked suburban roadway.

The meatsack hit the ground with a sad wet trumping sound, bones in a bag of wet flower colliding awkwardly. Wrenched out the mist with a hiss and a slick grinding sound. The biker stopped, clearer as the surroundings were now and lifting his goggles he looked back at the zombie he’d caught on the hook. A proud fisherman, the biker smiled and pulled his goggled back down. The creature writhed with a mouth full of ground down teeth falling from it’s mouth like popcorn. Its face hot and slick from its date with the smooth tarmac, most of it’s features ground down. It reached its arm up and to him seemed reminiscent of the canteen scene from Oliver twist “More? Ok well why didn’t you say?” He laughed to himself and revved his engine once more.

The red haired man in sweats reached his front door. His breath burning his lungs, every recycling of air felt like sandpaper going in and coming out. His sweats drenched and cold tugging at him as he propped himself up against the door. He quietly tapped at the door “Sheila it’s me, let me in, they’re coming, for gods sake lemme’ in”. He whispered in a low raspy voice as he tapped the glass viewing window of the door.

He looked back into the mist as he heard the engines noises carried by the empty streets. “Sheila open the fucking door, or god help me I wil-“ an abrupt unlatching noise cut him off. He shapeshifted through the small crack in the door his wife opened like osmosis.

“Will- are you ok?- Did you find any?” A slight woman with mousey brown hair stood in front of him bunching up a plaid dress in her two skinny fists.

“I couldn’t, they were on me, these guys, they were staking out the pharmacy. They knew people would come for supplies, it was a trap, I barely got away!” His voice was hoarse and he rasped taking in large gulping breaths as he spoke. Feelings of shame and guilt and terror fighting for space in his brain. All thoughts barged out of the way for the singular desire for all the stale oxygen in the landing.

“I can’t last much longer without my insulin” She said almost whispering into her dress. A maudlin expression projecting onto her pale face “if you were a real man you’d get it”.

“Yeah and if you weren’t a total retard you’d have stocked up before the zombie apocalypse. But we can’t all be perfect!”

“It’s not the apocalypse, the army’ll come, they will. We just have to last a little longer, I don’t know how much longer I can-“

“It’ll be ok I promise” He said softly as he collapsed on the stairs “We’ll find a way”.

Just as he got a little comfortable and the air started forming an orderly queue to his lungs, a sharp tapping taxman knock set the couples teeth on edge.

“Who… who is it?” Sheila said.

If you want to read the rest of the chapter check it out on inkitt.
GS Chapter 8

Cheers.

 

 

 

 

 

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Review of Chapter one of Slayers by Waywardknight3 on inkitt

Slayers: To kill an undead is a fairly light hearted monster killer story, I would put it in the same vein in tone alone just from the first chapter as something like Hellboy. Not doom and gloomb but fun and a little funny, a very fun read. Something very similar to something I would write, just not taking yourself too seriously and just having fun writing something you want to write.

I really enjoyed this first chapter, the start is really good, I loved the restrained style. I enjoy slow starts, I enjoy when people promise intense action from the title and the description but then take their time building up to it so I thought that was great.
But there is very little going on in the story so far and some of it is a little cliché’ despite that I realise that that obviously was the intended goal.

Plot I have to give props to just for the pay off of the chapter, this slowly building frame work for what they’re talking about. Dealing with this stereotypical condescending new age douchey guru passive aggressive psychiatrist trying to use your brain as a chew toy. I liked the line about the government, that sort of classic almost bitchy innuendo that if anyone says anything bad about the government you infer that they’re the next Oklahoma bomber haha. That annoying way of talking to someone who picks up on unintentional things in what you’re saying and uses them against you to get you riled up.
I thought the main character hammed it up with the tough guy/petulant child routine, maybe you could tone it down, maybe not, it was a little cliché’ but the whole scene for me centres around that comedy pay-off at the end so it still works.
The dialogue is very good, flows well, makes you want to punch the psychiatrist in the face too and it keeps it’s card very close to it’s chest and I really respect that in a first chapter.
I utterly loathe when a first chapter just sort of ham fists you right into the action with no thought or pause, I think you handled it delicately and in fact the exact same way I probably would have done.
I actually think we have a similar writing style, very pithy and sarcastic, I thought some of your description was great, overall I found it very easy and enjoyable to read despite nothing really happening.
The pay off at the end makes you want to read more and get more information, the subtlety surrounding them talking about his job and you having no idea what they’re talking about because you’re just this fly on the wall and you want to know more and then the pay off I thought was pretty funny, it worked well.
It sucks that grammar and technical writing comes last because I have to give it to you, there was a spelling mistake in the first paragraph, that’s not a great start haha. It’s ‘were’ not ‘where’, so quick go change that before someone reads it haha.
Also you commit my own personal pet peeve of grammar errors, this fucking drives me nuts, it’s ‘then’ not ‘than’, makes my skin crawl haha.
Other than that, I thought it was a lot of fun, it was well written, very interesting and I would recommend it.

If this sounds up your alley, give it a read on inkitt Slayers: To Kill an Undead.

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Review of E W Hemmings ‘Talking To Gravestones’

I read over the first chapter because really I feel like first impressions are the most reliable when it comes to inkitt. The first chapter is where you decide to read on or not.
I like the start, it’s nice and steady with a great deal of emotion and it really pushed that feeling of lose and melancholy onto me. That feeling of wishing that nothing was real and I really enjoyed that.
Other than that, not a lot happens in the first chapter, it’s quite short so I didn’t expect any great developments and the first person narrative is notorious for focusing on emotions and subjective interpretations over actual substantive events.
The writing style is very emotive, I liked it a great deal, very easy to read and not a cringe so far. A lot of the time stories like this get lost in the angst and become very cringe worthy but this kept a level timbre of it’s cringe.
The reason I called it a morbid fairytale is because of the description of the body bag swallowing her boyfriend up, I really liked that imagery. Put me in her mind for a minute, made it all feel dreamlike, as if he wasn’t really dead and this was just the start of a really messed up fairytale. Kind of makes you think whether anything she’s experiencing from then on is really real or if her mind is so shattered from the loss that she’s creating a world where she can see her boyfriend again in a fantasy.
There were a few errors and sentences that sort of tripped me up but overall I thought it was very competent and I would recommend it.

You can check this story out on inkitt by following this link Talking to gravestones.

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Star Wars the force awakens the internet’s feckless crybabies.

Ok I said I would tackle this ‘issue’ just for fun, this might not be what some were expecting when I said I’d rant about the monopoly thing but who cares, this is my opinion, don’t like it write an angry comment I can ignore and go on with your day.
When I first saw this article I wasn’t that surprised. Recently it seems like the current generation are just prone waiting for the next minor injustice to be offended by. And then let everyone on twitter know what amazing progressive wunderkin they are for being offended at said non-issue first and receive the most pats on the back from their like minded drooling idiot followers.

So down to the ‘problem’ at hand, with the release of the new Star Wars movie, the force awakens. The force was awakened to a bunch of new star wars related crap parents are forced to buy their squealing offspring to secure their love for another year. One such piece of crap was a set of star wars the force awakens monopoly.

So far so good, monopoly, harmless capitalism in a box with a star wars theme, not the first time and probably wont be the last time a new set of star wars monopoly is released. But the ‘big deal’ about this new star wars and this new set of monopoly is that the new main character of this current incarnation of star wars happens to be a carrier of a holey vagina. And that said character was not featured in the set of monopoly, oh shit I should have put a trigger warning in there, I’m sure by now people are foaming at the mouth and snapping their problem glasses in half.

Obviously the internet is in an uproar, over monopoly, no seriously.
“It’s sexist” “Holy misogyny batman” “But the force awakens in Rey!” Wah wah wah, it’s just fucking monopoly, who cares? These idiots care, idiots who inject feminism and gender and race into every stupid fucking thing and just can’t let anything go.

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Here are the offensive monopoly pieces in question as you can see, not a vagina between them, what a travesty.
So the characters from left to right are; Return of the Jedi Luke Skywalker, Finn, Kylo Ren and Darth Vader.
The theme of the board game was heroes vs villains so you have two heroes vs two villains, now this to me is the first point of contention. Anyone who watched force awakens knows there was only one villain because no one counts Ron Weasley’s older brother, Captain Phasma who has like three lines and Darth Golem. They would never make good pieces to go alongside Kylo, who would want to play as Emperor Snoke? He’s not this hugely fleshed out character and he just spends the entire movie sitting down looking menacing.
The thing I think a lot of the internet’s pearl clutchers overlook is the fact that if Finn was substituted for Rey I think the shitstorm would have been equal if not worse, with Black lives matter taking a shit on Hasbro’s lawn and wiping their asses with Chewbaccas face.
Really you’re between a rock and a hard place in terms of representation, and star wars has always been poked at by race baiters and other idiots for having a white character voiced by a black man because that’s racist… for reasons.
But “hold on” say the shrill masses of the internet, “Why don’t they just have Rey and Finn?” Well yeah that would solve all the problems except the two villains required, you can’t just have Vader next to Kylo when Vader is dead in that movie, so you’d have to replace him with Phasma or Snoke.
Bare in mind this monopoly set would have been mass produced months before the movie was even in cinemas so they have no idea how well the movie will do let alone how well characters like Phasma and Snoke will track. In my opinion this is Hasbro trying to straddle two markets to insure themselves against another possible star wars flop. They decided to include Luke and Vader so as to ensure the set would sell even if the movie didn’t because Vader and Luke will always sell you can always bank on the original trilogy making money.It would have been a total gamble not including those original characters.

The other argument I hear is “Why don’t they just make more pieces?” yeah well why don’t they include a dye cast model of the bar scene in mos eisley or a life size model of the yoda training scene in the dagoba swamps? Because it would cost too much fucking money. Every company has a projection for how much money they want to make and how much they’re willing to spend and obviously four pewter figures was the maximum amount they wanted to mass produce per set because four players is the optimal amount for one game of monopoly.
And again if they included Rey who would be her adversary? There’s still only one villain in the force awakens, you can’t just have two Kylo Rens that’s dumb.
98269851.jpg
Another ‘controversy’ from kneejerk morons on the internet was over this Millenium Falcon toy because again it doesn’t have the vagina having wonder aboard.
“SEXISM” MUH-SOGGY-KNEES!!!”

Is it though? Notice anything else missing from this piece, ahem, Han fucking Solo perhaps??
Yeah Rey and Han aren’t included because this was made long before the movies came out and probably released before or at the same time as the film and those character’s aren’t included to prevent spoilers for the movie itself. So it’s not that Finn is more important because he’s male because the fucking robot is included but Han is nowhere to be found.
But the bottom line is toys like this are aimed at boys, no matter how ‘progressive’ you are you have to realise not all toys are aimed at every type of child.
Toy companies make money by appealing to a particular demographic and they do this by product testing and market projections. And despite this wave of progressive feminist thought, little boys still like playing with action figures and space ships more than little girls and probably wouldn’t play with a female action figure.
I mean there’s probably the odd one or two male childrem that will play with a female doll and a girl that might like a space ship over a barbie but toy companies don’t make toys for the minority of kids, they make them for lowest common denominator because that’s how you make money.
In conclusion this is just another example of idiots on the internet with dumb agendas trying to push them by ignoring the all the facts and twisting every non-issue into a way that somehow oppresses them for some contrived reason, nothing to see here people, move along.

Thanks as always go to Florian for doing the art on the strip, if you want to see more strips and more of Florian’s messed up art, head to the Jeffrey Dahmer and Greg comic page for more fucked up un-pc humour.

Cheers!

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Green Sunday Chapter 7 ‘Take up space’ (Raw)

Latest unedited chapter of Green Sunday for your reading pleasure, well an excerpt of the first proofread anyway. Things been been going pretty well since I launched my author page, lots of like, few new reviews on inkitt, can’t complain.
As always if you want to read the rest of this chapter you’ll have to go on inkitt which I’m sure is compatible with tablets and all that stuff, completely free, I just do this dirty trick to get more clicks, aint I nefarious?

Green Sunday Chapter 7

~

The sun rolled down the hill faster than usual. Candlelight lit Tj’s mom’s little dining room. The sounds of knives and forks scratching plates, filled the silence of the dimly lit room.

“So how did you and TJ meet” Tj’s mom asked. Cutting through the awkward silence of this intimate little meal. The table consisting of her and her son and a strange green haired girl he’d brought in off the streets. Smelling faintly of dried blood.

“We met at the mall actually” The girl said turning a wry smile up at TJ. Who was sweating into his food as he kept his gaze locked on his plate.

“I’m sorry, did you tell me your name? I get a little ditzy sometimes.” His mother said feeling that something wasn’t quite right. Like she’d walked out of one dream and into another unannounced.

“Sunday” She said.

“Well that’s a pretty name, TJ, don’t you think that’s a pretty name?” His mother said turning the heat up on TJ.

“Err yeah.” TJ said looking up from his plate of macaroni and cheese to glance across the table and back to his plate again.

“Do you live around here? I don’t think I’ve seen you before, I mean I think I’d- I mean-“

“Ah no, I just got here, err my… Dad travels a lot for work” Sunday said, choosing her words surgically.

“Well I think the candles were a nice touch. We don’t get to use the dining room much these days, it’s just been the two of us for a while now”

“Yeah well it was Tj’s idea, he said it would give the room some atmosphere, right?” Sunday said, sticking her oar in enjoying watching TJ squirm.

“TJ and I aren’t used to entertaining. After his father left, we mostly kept to ourselves.” Tj’s mom said, stirring her pasta with a fork in a maudlin fashion.

“Mom” TJ whined

“That’s right TJ hates me telling everyone our life story.” His mom smiled with a melancholy intake of breath “Oh you’re finished?”

Sunday looked down at her plate and then back at TJ’s mom, “Yes, thank you, it was lovely”

“What a polite girl” Tj’s mom said as she collected the plate in front of Sunday, a warm smile on her face. “You’re welcome to stay in the guest bedroom across from me if you’re too tired to make it home”. His mother said as she fluttered out of the room with the dirty plates.

“No that’s ok I think I’m just gonna bunk with TJ and fuck his brains out all night”

TJ’s perfectly timed sip of milk sprayed all down his shirt as what she said worked it’s way through the gears of his head.

“That’s nice” Tj’s mom said from the kitchen clearly not hearing anything she said.

Sunday handed TJ a napkin and smiled trollishly. He snatched it from between her two fingers and began to dab his shirt with the tiny napkin.

“Do you think we should tell her?” He whispered.

“Why worry her? Nothing should happen tonight as long as we don’t light the house up like a Christmas tree. Or make too much noise, I thought the candlelight thing would be cute.” She said reclining in her dining chair.

“But she has to know”

“She’ll find out.” She said as she closed her eyes for a moment, putting her hands behind her head in a relaxed position.

“You know something, tell me-“TJ said a hint of anger in his hushed voice.

TJ’s mom barrelled into the room with some sort of lopsided cake and plonked it down in between the two. Completely oblivious to the mounting tension she just crudely carved in half.

“Desert”.

~
The door to TJ’s bathroom opened like a sealed vault door. Or an alien craft bellowing steam from the door that had been sealed for a good hour and a half. Sunday walked out barefoot wearing an old xxxl walking dead t-shirt that went down to her knees. Rubbing her whole head with a towel like she was trying to polish a lamp.

Her legs clean, were surprisingly dainty looking, little cuts and plasters but her skin looked soft and smooth. TJ stopped dead on his made up futon on the floor of his room. She opened one eye underneath the towel and saw he was looking at her. She dropped the towel on the floor and crossed the room to the window.

“Thanks for the shirt”

“Err no problem”

“Let me guess, you wanna know if the curtains match the drapes?” She smiled as she turned back towards TJ.

“Err, wut no! I wasn’t!” TJ’s face turned a purply red colour and his tongue swelled up in his head.

She perched on the windowsill and looked out at the cool quiet trees swaying in the dark. There were fires burning in the distance, muffled screams carried by the shiftless night. The smell of the smoke was almost sweet and homely to her. She sighed after taking in a lungful through the small crack in the window.

She cocked one of her legs up on the sill and TJ almost burst a blood vessel.

“Err I made up the bed, I’m fine here” He said motioning to his crude futon.

“Ok” She said dreamily staring out the window.

“What’s happening?” He bit his bottom lip as he said it, almost not wanting to know.

He could see her blank expression reflected in the black window.“It’s a game.”

~

If you like what you read so far, read the conclusion of this chapter on inkitt;
Green Sunday Chapter 7

Cheers!

 

 

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