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Constantine Season 1 Review

This is sort of a long time coming and probably one of a million reviews of this since it’s been out for maybe more than a year now. I don’t know, but I’m not the kind of person to see some new thing and just band wagon jump. I sort of just watch and wait and stew and then eventually when no one is looking I’ll skulk in and watch it. Surprisingly I actually overall thought this was ok, it was watchable. It wasn’t as terrible as I surmised it to be. I think it had some potential, so it’s sort of a shame it was cancelled but admittedly it deserved it.

The casting was ok for the most part, the guy they got to play Constanstine was ok, he looked the part but his accent was all over the place. I mean what the fuck was that? I think he was sort of a bad actor too, I mean it’s usually good when you can tell an actor is enjoying the role he’s playing. It usually adds something like with the awesome portrayal of Negan by Jeffrey Dean Morgan, adding another layer to an actually pretty bland character in the comic. In the comic, I actually prefer the governor, Negan is a little silly in my opinion. But here the actor playing Constantine seems to have a boner for Constantine and it just comes off as an annoying smugness, he’s enjoying this too much, he’s having more fun than the audience.

The rest of the casting is lame, making Chaz an american was lazy and as usual the female character is only really there to drive the plot for reasons and has no real personality that isn’t just super daddy issues. The guy from lost playing the angel was genric.

Richie was good but considering he’s in like one comic that’s not an amazing addition. There wasn’t much I recognised from the comics except one episode about a hunger demon which was actually ok. But the rest of the plot is just generic Supernatural rip off freak of the week bullshit. Just some intern googling ‘Supernatural shit’ and trying to spin it into an hour long episode by mashing in storyline from murder she wrote. Just lazy writing 101. Something I forgave supernatural for because I liked the characters and there was overarching plot sprinkled in which is not the case for Constantine.

I mean I love Constantine, the one from the comics, which is not this twat. Don’t get me wrong my problem was Constantine in the show is not nearly cunty enough. This Constantine actually looks for cases to solve and stuff to do and help people, the one from the comic just stumbles into shit on happenstance and solves the problems usually out of his own curiosity or to save his own ass. It just feels like they’re trying to square-peg a round hole, turning an anti-hero into a hero because of ‘plot’.

Oh and did I mention over-arching plot, quick tip to the writers of Constantine; mentioning you have an over-arching plot every episode does not mean you have an over-arching plot. In the same way pointing at yourself and screaming you’re a pelican doesn’t make it so.

To have an overarching plot you actually need to have events that link to eachother and become a story, a mystery slowly unravelling, not just a bunch of unconnected shit you artificially connect with the code phrase ‘Coming darkness’ or ‘Rising darkness’ or whatever the fuck it was. It’s lazy and just bad and you should feel bad.

Essentially the problem here might not be the acting or the writing but the structure of the story telling. They’re trying to fit this huge collection of stories into this cookie cutter format that’s been done to death and a lot better. It’s the same thing in my Lucifer review, it uses a cookie cutter ‘Oh look a random event has occured now lets use my gimmick to solve it’ like how the mentalist is a fake psychic or how Monk has asbergers or whatever, the difference is those shows have likeable characters you give a shit about and an over-arching plot that actually exists and is worth munching obvious filler bullshit to see.

So overall, it needed to be cancelled as I think most comic book tv shows do because it’s just hacky pandering crap most of the time with lashings of useless filler. But it’s sad because it wasn’t all that bad, it was watchable and didn’t butcher the source material (unlike Preacher) and maybe it could have done better given another season. But I guess the character and the comic was a bit too niche for modern audiences drunk on walking dead and super hero bullshit who were already tired of ten plus fucking seasons of supernatural to watch another one without Sam and Dean.

I think it had the spark of something but it failed to make it off the ground, stick to writing COD games Goyer.

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To Dream by Catherine Kopf – Review

If I was into YA fiction and 1984 wasn't one of my favourite books I'd think this was really original but since I'm not and it is, I have to say it's a little cliche'.
I mean the writing style is fine, the story works, the first chapter is nice, it flows well and it has somewhat of a hook, a thread of main plot to drive the story. On paper it's good, it's a little stream of consciousness, like it doesn't seem well rooted, it seems like one minute she's here and then she's there like she blacked out and there isn't a lot of description. The first person narrative is quite restrictive for a story like this but maybe that's what you're going for, so I can't outright say it doesn't work, I'll say it just doesn't work me. 
I'll be the first to say YA fiction makes me cringe to my core and the idea of a YA take on 1984 in line with something like hunger games or something is probably the worst thing I can imagine. I'm obviously not the intended audience but I can see what someone else who maybe hasn't read 1984 would see in it. 

So in summation, it's good but it's not my cup of my tea by a long stretch.

If you wanna check out the actual story head on over to inkitt to read it for free.

To Dream

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Lucifer Season 1 Review

I watched this a couple of weeks ago, my ex was really into this and I saw it because it was on amazon prime and I wanted to watch some dumbshit while I made smoothies and cooked pancakes.

But I actually really liked it. The casting is good, so you have this kind of effiminate but badass satan just fucking things up for no reason but he’s on holiday.

Honestly the premise is a little silly, I didn’t read the comic but I imagine it’s not a set up for a generic buddy cop/whodunnit tv show. It’s basically set up like your standard crime show, like the mentalist or monk or any number of those shows. Basically someone done a bad murder and then the devil has to solve it with his pet police woman for reasons.

Evidently I think the set up and the style is kind of lame and has been used as a device from time immemorial but it’s an easy trap to fall into when you want to make a fun show that’s more about the characters than the actual plot. So the story is essentially filler and an excuse for the devil to do cool devil stuff. In any other context I would find this boring and annoying but the characters and the acting are actually really good so I can’t fault it for falling back on it’s strongest component. I really enjoyed watching the ‘will they wont of course they will’ back and forth between him and the sexy police woman ex-titty film star. I even enjoyed his interractions with his milfy psychologist who he pays in sex and on top of that his sexy barmade/demon/ninja. It’s just a fun sort of no brainer show like charmed or buffy. It’s not like Mr Robot or the man in the high castle (which I should also review haha), where you need to think about stuff haha. There’s no straining your little brain over this. it’s just mindless fun and it works really well as that.

I mean this is one of the main gripes I had with Preacher because both in this show and Preacher, there’s no real story, nothing really happens outside of the confines of the individual episode. An overall story isn’t progressed in any way until maybe closer to the end. But the difference is Lucifer is fun and Preacher was completely the opposite of that, it was lame edginess for the sake of lame edginess and Lucifer was just cool fun.

Basically Lucifer was everything it said it was going to be and more and I found myself enjoying and empathising with the characters and their stories. I quite literally had sympathy for the devil haha.

Kind of a short review, I really can’t think of anything more to say about it because I enjoyed it haha. I only really do big long rants when I hate something then I have lots to bemoan haha. But this was cool and if you have a free minute while you beat an egg you should go put that on in the background.

 

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Preacher Season 1 review

Long story short; It fucking sucked.

I’m a big fan of the comic, in fact I think it’s one of the first Garth Ennis comics I’ve ever read and it inspired me to read The Boys and his Punisher Max run as well as his Hellblazer run which was great. As well as of course influencing my own writing greatly. The man is a comic legend, he goes a little too far sometimes or not far enough and he’s copied by wankers the world over but no one can do it quite like him.

That being said Preacher is probably his magnum opus, a perfect distillation of his wit and particular brand of filth and blasphemy, creating a story that is so ridiculous but well-formed and coherent it begs belief that it isn’t being burned at this minute by some left-wing feminist with pink hair. Purely because she hasn’t read it because she can’t read anything that isn’t written in period blood or is specifically about vaginas.

Preacher is probably one of my favourite comics of all time, I won’t say it’s my favourite because it’s kind of pretentious but it’s up there. The story is great, it constantly keeps you guessing, it’s funny and action packed and the characters are fantastic each with their own well developed back stories and personalities. It’s hard to express how great this comic is, I mean some of the plotlines are fucking daffy but it feels so well put together and well told that it really felt real, the characters were silly but their struggles felt real and that’s what good story telling is supposed to do. Make you forget despite the ridiculousness of the situation that you’re in a story.

amc-preacher--182679-640x320.png.jpg

But the tv show is a fucking mess. My first gripe is with the casting, Dominic whatever his face is a pathetic baby faced Jessie Custer, I don’t buy him for a second as a badass chain smoking preacher, not for a second, his head is the size of an Oreo and is just too squishy and round looking. Tulip, who cares about Tulip, she’s got to be the most throwaway character in that comic, I don’t care that they made her black but they somehow managed to make her more annoying in the show than the comic, but needless to say she’s the worst character in the series. She just never had any depth for me other than being his girlfriend, she never really has any struggle that isn’t shared, any story or character of her own. Just a generic badass female cardboard cut-out that does nothing but whine about everything and was never believable even in the comic and is now even more cartoony in the show.

My favourite character Herr Starr, the strap-on loving bald German weirdo isn’t even in it, I guess they’re saving him for I dunno maybe season four when the actual story starts.

Ok so the Cassidy casting is ok, he’s a good actor, he’s been in some stuff before, he’s fun and funny and likeable but he shows up and what is he doing? Fuck all. The entire first season is filler, unabashed, unashamed filler. Nothing happens, nothing from the main plot of the comic happens in the first season. And yes, I’m not counting the story of the Saint of killers that they took ten episodes to tell, because that was a one shot spin off about his backstory, it wasn’t part of the whole series.

So, the only part of the first season that actually happens in the comics is from a one shot that isn’t in the actual comic.

You have this massive sixty issue comic to borrow any of the number of plotlines but decide to just finger your asshole for ten episodes while Jessie tries to save some shithole Texas town for what purpose? It’s just the plot and the rationale for each character is just so fucking thin. Why is Cassidy there? What he just shows up and they become mates instantly, boom he’s there in the church for good.

Tulip shows up because she found someone from her past that fucked them both over and wants him to come help her get him and then later decides just to go get him without him anyway so it was pointless.

The whole first season is just wasting time, like one big trailer, nothing happens, the whole first season is a bunch of idiots flailing around pretending they’re following a plot when really nothing is happening.

Did the writers even read the comics or did they make up the whole story looking at covers and reading the blurbs on the back?

“Err angels, god powers, vampires, got it.”

prea
(Just found this online, fuck he would have been perfect to play Jessie, if he wasn’t, you know, starring in a show that didn’t suck haha).

Also AMC is probably the worst network for it to be on, what you can have a vampire dismantle a person with a chainsaw but he can’t so ‘fuck’ or actually fuck anyone or see any tits… in Preacher, in a Garth Ennis comic. GARTH FUCKING EXPLODING DILDO ENNIS!
It’s a joke, this is probably the rudest and crudest comic ever created, there were actually characters called ‘sexual investigators’ who’s whole job was just buggering random people, I’m not even kidding. The main villain is obsessed with getting hookers to peg him with his head in the toilet. How can this ever work on AMC?

It’s a fucking insult to the fans in my opinion and I’m amazed this pile of mediocre shit is doing so well when shows like Constantine, which were flawed sure but still had a lot of the comics in it while creating an original plot line (Maybe it was from a plotline further on, I haven’t read the more recent Hellblazer comics) got the axe. I mean Constantine was a little cheesy but the casting was on point and I think given a second season it could have done better or bombed itself into extinction, but it deserved a second chance, this pile of shit is wagging it’s dick in your face and laughing and people who aren’t fans of the show have no idea they’re being fucked.

I really have nothing much to say about it, ten episodes and nothing really happens, nothing progresses the plot, it’s just a bunch of stuff happening with interlaced snippets of the saint of killers one shot storyline, which was the only good parts. The rest is just adlibbed nonsense non-story plucked out of some Hollywood execs ass.

I mean he must use his god powers like once an episode if that and he never really does anything cool with them like telling Arseface’s dad to go fuck himself quite literally. I mean I’m sitting here with this whole comic in my laps and this show doesn’t have the balls to even have him leave his crappy church until the end of the season. So, in the timeline of the comic the first season is basically the first issue of the comic with the saint of killers one shot stretched over ten hours. That’s what a fucking joke this show is. I mean this is worse than the walking dead making a whole season about the farm they spend like ten minutes at in the comic. I mean that was boring but it was consistent and there was some action/romance/struggle/bullshit.

Preacher as a tv show in my opinion has literally nothing going for it, it’s a lot of style over substance and compared to the comic it’s an unfunny joke.

I’m pissed, I wasted ten hours waiting for this to get good and it wasn’t even so bad it was good, it was just lame. On a brighter note, I watched Lucifer season one and I really enjoyed it so I might do a review on that. Or maybe not since I appear to prefer bitching than talking about stuff I like ha-ha.
Long story short, this isn’t Preacher, I don’t know what it is, but stop it.

pre

Well anyway, rant over.

Peace out.

Have a good Christmas!

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The Butcher of Barclay’s Hollow by Nick R B Tingley – A review

Well written but underwhelming.

I first chapter just didn’t really grab me. I moan about this constantly on inkitt. People just plonk a first chapter down and then move on to the next one, but the first chapter is really the most important. It’s like a summary of everything to follow. It has to be linked to the overall plot somehow and it’s the first step into this greater world, so stuff, a significant amount of stuff needs to happen or if it’s even very little it has to be pretty powerful. I mean what really happens in the first chapter? A butcher saves a little girl from being maimed and then gets criticized by passers-by. And although I expect their distaste for him to be a theme I doubt it ties to the main plot at all. So really this incident is irrelevant as a starting point.
I get you probably want to ease into it and I usually like pieces like this and reading this encouraged me to get out my copy of Hound of the Baskervilles. And even in that, a flowery period piece published over a hundred years ago the first chapter gets to the point. They’re not talking about the Hound but they’re talking around it, building up to it. but it’s clear that its building to something and then the next chapter is called ‘The curse of the Baskervilles’. We have none of that here, it’s just one scene with no foreshadowing or hints of an overarching plot at all.
I think this entire chapter could have served better as just a flashback or a story relayed by the girl at a later date and you could have started further on in the story to start at a more relevant point. Giving the main character a little more mystery. You hinted vaguely at a tragedy backstory, so I expect he had a wife and child that died and thus builds a connection with the little girl over the course of the book. As it stands now it’s sort of throw away.
It’s well written, I like the period style although there are some typos and errors. It needs a good proof read because these obviously slipped through spellcheck. I have to say I cringed at some of it because it just seems like it’s trying too hard to be period even in the non-diegetic stuff and it’s kind of unnecessary when it could be done better. When I read a modern period piece I expect to be hit in the face with the research involved rather than just flowery language and period accents. I want to be shown more than I’m told. It was easier for Conan-Doyle because he was obviously immersed in it. But it’s not really an excuse, what in this story really justifies a period setting? You could take that entire chapter and just change the carriage to a car and it would be no different.
Overall, it’s very serviceable if a little cliché, I save my harshest criticism for the work I think has potential. I like the title, I like the premise, the style is good but frankly your first chapter is boring. The skill is there but the hook is not.
I hoped this helped, I wish you the best of luck with it.

The Butcher of Barclay’s Hollow

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Ok fuck it, The one who came back, Chapter One ‘A little Rain’.

Ok so still the holiday season is kicking my ass workwise and I got a new phone so I was locked out my microsoft account and the lock out was supposed to end today so I could get to more edited GS Chapters but it’s a no go.
So I thought fuck it, why not just give up the first chapter of my NaNo novel. I may be releasing this on inkitt, I’m in talks with a publisher, so I’m not sure if I want to go through them directly but a glimpse at the first chapter couldn’t hurt.
As soon as christmas is over, I’m moving on to getting my novella edited and giving it away as a promotional gift to people who sign up to my  mailing list.

Also banned on Facebook again because some piece of shit sjw from the nano group (That group is full of cancer) flagged my cover photo which happened to have the word ‘faggot’ in it completely not being used in the context of a hatecrime or being directed at gay people at all. So banned for thirty days and today I was supposed to be getting to grips with Minds and launching there but I got caught up in some twitter drama instead, so fucking productive.

But for what it’s worth my Minds page.
https://www.minds.com/CallMeRyk

But here it is, the first chapter of The one who came back, the mystery novel set to take airport lounges by storm haha.

As per usual, this isn’t the whole first chapter but I’m too lazy to put it up on inkitt right now, actually fuck it, I’ll do it now.

A little rain

There you go you ungrateful pricks haha. That took longer than I thought haha.

I was kind of manic as fuck when I wrote it, I hope it shows, enjoy.

–

“Police, go ahead”

“My wife and me are here as tourists-“

“-We’ve found a kid”

“He’s about fourteen or fifteen years old-“

“- No id, no documents on him”

“He’s very scared”

It was raining.

The rain beat down, getting in all the cracks on the sidewalk. It dashed cars and made those little muted tapping sounds as it hit people’s coats as they walked by.

Neon lights of a sign, car headlights, streaked in the rain like they were melting.

The soothing sound of the rain falling, muted the sounds of thunder.

A boy tried to make himself as small as possible in the bottom of a phonebooth. The rain beat down, tapping on the glass, trying to get in.

He wore a hooded coat with a cap and a pair of running bottoms with white stripes up the sides. He sat curled up at the bottom with his head in his knees breathing steady, the receiver hanging by his head.

The phonebooth stood alone in the centre of a cobbled townsquare lined with caged trees reaching straight up. European style lampposts dotted throughout the square cast sickly yellow pools of light. There was a square roofed totem plastered with aging posters advertising bands in Spanish. Stark bushes behind it, all their leaves long gone, left with only boney finger twigs stretching out in all directions.

Long distant sirens going somewhere else.

The boy in the booth peeled back the sleeve of his jacket and looked at a digital watch, the time was ‘9:58pm’.

The bottom of the phonebooth was made of some cheap plastic like a black shower matt curling at the corners. It was wet with people’s feet, the rain getting in through the cracks. Dirty cigarette butts mashed into it, little pink pieces of paper, fliers with girls on them soaking up muddy water and a boy.

A police car pulled up in front of the totem with its lights off, the headlights filled up the phonebooth. They stopped the car and put the lights on, red and blue flashing. They got out of the car and left the lights on.

Two cops with their hoods down, on the passenger side, the bald cop approached the phonebooth speaking Spanish. Reaching out his hand like he was trying to feed a small animal.

The boy lifted his head to look at the light through the crack in the phonebooth door. He shivered as the cold damp started to get to him. The man approached slow and low, the boy made himself even smaller. He shrank into his big rain coat and tried to get away from himself. But he was in a corner.

The police man opened the door of the phonebooth and asked him if he was alright. The cop was average build, in his forties with a greying beard. The concern lines on his forehead painted a vivid picture of a man with his own problems, he didn’t need to be out here.

The rain poured down on him as he spoke, trying to be heard over the constant beating of water around his head. The boy lifted his head an inch, hiding his eyes behind the lip of a cap pulled down low on his head. He cowered with his hands in front of his face.

The cop getting rained on, lost his patience for a moment and reached out for the boy at the bottom of the booth. The boy pulled back pushing his hands up. He was shaking.

“Tranquilo, tranquilo” The cop said slow as he put his hands up and backed off just a little. He eased back and signalled for the boy to come “Vamos”.

The boy was ashen, his hands in front of his face, shaking nervously. He looked lost and frightened.

The cop took his arm and gingerly helped him to his feet.

He led the boy hunched like a refugee towards the brightly lit police car.

The boys legs seemed weak, his knees buckled and the second cop swam through the rain to prop him up on his otherside. They carried him arm in arm to the waiting police car, the sound of the windshield wipers screeching.

They put him in the back seat and shut the door. He ducked his head and listened to the rain.

–

“What is your name?” A woman said in a robotic tone.

“Tell us your name” She asked again.

They watched the boy’s face even as he tried to hide, on the monitors. His cap was pulled way down and he had a scarf almost covering the other half of his face.

“Where do you live?” She kept asking.

The pixelated camera zoomed out as he said nothing. Hung his head like a frightened animal.

“Do you live with your parents?”

The boy sat in a windowed interview room with the door open looking at nothing.

He sat still against a blank cream wall in the warm room, speaking rarely and in whispers.

“Did your parents hurt you?”

It looked more like a glassed office than an interview room. It was wood panelled with opaque glass all the way around. He looked out the door and saw people at desks lit by old fashioned lamps sifting through papers. Phones ringing, people talking, clattering of chairs and hushed breath.

His hands were deep down in the pockets of his coat. He got comfortable in the chair sinking further and further down into it.

It smelled like cigarettes and heady perfume in the office. Sweet and bitter smells.

He sat at a straight wooden table. As he looked around there were loose pieces of paper in Spanish tacked onto the wall around his head, notices, pictures of people.

The woman across the desk was pretty, in her mid to early thirties but with a strain of concern on her face like it had always been there. Her sandy hair was tied back in a tight plait littered with split ends. She was in a blue uniform adorned with shiney gold buttons. She continued to talk and he watched her lips move.

He looked behind her, on the wall were more posters. A laminated one behind her head had large pictures of people and said “MUY PELIGROSOS” in bold letters above them. There was a book shelf with hastily tidied files. Binders and large books that looked like phone books piled on top of eachother in no particular order.

In the outer office people were smoking and tapping away at old computers. The bald police man who picked him up was on the phone looking at him through the crack in the door. He nodded putting out his cigarette and hanging up the phone.

–

 

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Ghost Garbage fire go!

Ok so I actually got off my ass and pirated me a copy of this trash and watched it with my mum. Tbf she actually liked it but there’s no accounting for taste and she has none haha.
To be honest I didn’t think it was that bad at the start, it seemed fairly entertaining, it looks good, the effects are ok, it’s not shot badly. I actually liked some of the ghosts which I found surprising, some of them looked pretty good.

The problems start early though, all the jokes are fart or poop or ass or front ass related, it’s so cringey it’s almost unbearable and it’s not funny beyond like a single pity guffaw.

I heard people talking about this pringle ad during the first ghost encounter scene and I was like ‘so she’s eating pringles, who cares?’. But whatever you heard it’s much worse, I mean it’s not like a one second shot, those pringles are in shot almost through that scene and she draws attention to them a few times and I was like ‘Seriously?’ it was shameless and it completely took me out of what should have been the first pivotal moment of the film which just turned into a silly gross out gag.

Seriously this movie is not funny, the funniest jokes in this movie were made by the editor when he was putting this together, every joke in this movie does not land, period. I saw a lot of reviews where people were saying Kevin, Chris Hemsworth’s character, the dopey secretary, was the saving grace in the movie. And I think they’re dead. His jokes were just as terrible if not more terrible, some of the jokes I was told were funny had no context, he just said them randomly with no setup. He was just saying dumb things, if any movie needed a laugh track it was. What’s so funny about his character exactly? He’s dumb, like monumentally ‘how has he stayed alive this long, seriously how does he feed himself dumb’ that’s it, that’s not a joke. What’s more its ‘offensive’ Janean (no fucking idea how to spell her name) wasn’t dumb, she wasn’t a scientist but she wasn’t a mouth breathing idiot, so why they thought about including a dopey male secretary as a gag I have no idea because there is no romantic sub-plot at all. They don’t even attempt one.
I think the worst part of this movie is that none of the characters seem like real people, they all seem like cartoon characters, every character apart from Charles Danse is just a walking talking silly gag. It’s just tiring and it makes you very aware you’re not watching a movie that has any intention of taking itself seriously so can have no drama or tension or engaging plot at all.

Ok on to the controversy bullshit, I honestly think having women ghostbusters made no difference, there isn’t a cast on earth that could have made this movie work, you could have re-united the old cast bring Harold Ramis back from the dead and they couldn’t have made this movie watchable. So really it has nothing to do with them being women and everything to do with the writing and direction being lacklustre.

On the whole the cast was probably the only thing about it that was any good, I’m not a big McCarthy fan but her character was probably the most interesting I guess. Kristin Wiig is great but she was pretty much the boring straight man. The other girl who was supposed to be Egon was terrible, beyond ridiculous. Lesly Jones was probably the most real character in the movie despite the stupid forced loud black woman jokes that made the world cringe. She was probably the most consistent character throughout.

But the problem really was that there was no chemistry, it was just a bunch of zany characters shoved together whereas the original film felt like a group of friends doing a dirty job for not much pay. It worked, they meshed, these new ghostbusters did not. They didn’t feel like real characters so I couldn’t care about their relationship.

The story didn’t make a whole lot of sense and it didn’t have a pleasing flow, it felt empty. It wasn’t a very satisfying film to watch because there wasn’t really a big arc or any characters you thought were central. It didn’t feel like a cohesive movie, it felt like an overly long and unfunny SNL skit, I know everyone is saying that, but they’re goddamn right.

Overall it wasn’t so bad it was good, but it wasn’t horrible, it was lame, a wet fart of a movie and a pitiful start to a franchise that seems like it’s already dead.

I mean we knew it would suck, it was marketed by idiots who remade a classic movie and intentionally alienated the original fans of the franchise failing completely to secure a new audience, so of course it flopped. This is what you get when you push ideology over actually creating things people will like, which is your job as a content creator. That being said there wasn’t any really overt political or feminist messages in the movie, so I can’t fault it for that.

But still I give it two raspberries out of five.

 

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LCYE Chapter 9 ‘White Noiz’

It’s sort of finished now I guess, I stopped tapping the keyboard at least ha-ha. I like it, I think it’s the start of something new and good. I’m reading more of those Richard Stark Parker novels, they’re fucking infectious. Effortlessly cool, I just love them and the more I read them the more inspired I get to write like that. His style is bleeding into mine and I can’t get enough of it. It’s the perfect filler to stuff in that Dexter shaped hole in my life. I really want to read all the Dexter books again. Not just because I loved them and they spoke to me but also because when I read them I was deeply in love with someone and some music and I need to feel that again.
When I was reading those books it was the happiest and brightest my life had ever been and to see them end it brought in the end of that relationship too. And it’s fitting since those books are about someone trying to be human and failing at every turn. Trying to have love but lacking the vital component to make it work and keep it alive. Some people just aren’t meant to love, if not then what are they meant to do? Who knows.
Enough of that feeling sorry for myself bullshit onto the chapter and updates. I’m still in talks for the cover and the editing is coming along for Green Sunday. I think it’s going on amazon soonish. Still bricking it over nano, I just feel so fucking competitive, I want to win but I don’t think I can and give the story the attention and time it needs, I need to slow down, this is serious business. Oh, I also watched the new ghostbusters movie and yeah it was trash ha-ha, so I might do a review of that.

Ok this chapter is a bit of a departure, slipped in a little more action, bit of breaking bad crept in somehow, but I hope you like it. And yeah I spelled noise wrong on purpose haha. Its the title of a silent hill song.

As usual you can check it out for free on inkitt.

White Noiz

~

Con reached the bathroom down the narrow hall. The house was like a maze, it felt like there were too many rooms, too many doors squeezed into such a tight building. He passed two bedrooms on his way into what looked like a parlour with a set of carpeted stairs leading to an upstairs bedroom in the attic space. One of the bedrooms was completely empty, carpeted and painted in the same way as the rest of the house, the other was locked.

The parlour had a few black couch chairs and a pool table with what looked like a minibar in the corner. It had another set of glass doors which lead out into the yard and overlooked the pool. A big black ceiling fan span above his head as he stood, hands in pockets looking out at the pool.

He crossed the room past the pool table almost tripping over a black leather foot stool. He leant on the railing of the stairs looking up at the attic door. It looked locked too but it was worth a shot.

Just as he mounted the first step his ears pricked up to a muted cracking sound and brief fumbling from where he’d come.

He pulled his Glock 19 with a nervous jerk from the moulded holster on his hip and soft stepped around the pool table with the gun at his side. He shouldered up to the corner and took the safety off, he held his breath and rounded the corner with his gun high. The tight corridor was empty the door to one bed room still closed the door to the empty bedroom was open still. The closed door was closer on his left so he tersely slid along the wall keeping his eye on the edge of the hall where the sitting room was located. He got to the locked door and tried it again, it was still locked.

He popped out around the door of the empty bedroom and it was still empty. He continued at a quickening pace down the hall. He kept his breathing steady but his heart beat was fast and light.

He swung around the corner of the sitting room, it was empty. He did a further sweep to make sure there was no one in the kitchen or entryway. All the doors were closed and he opened them quietly one by one, revealing storage closets full of cleaning products and chemicals. The other was a study full of unopened boxes, a desk with a monitor on it, behind the last door was a tiny bathroom with just a sink and a toilet.

Making his way back into the sitting room he loosened his chest a little. The TV on the wall was cracked and there was a half-heeled shoe on the carpet without a foot. A couch cushion lay on the floor open.

He stalked into the kitchen and saw her lying on the floor, one shoe off. He swept to her side on one knee, his gun still in his hand as he felt for her pulse. It was weak but it was there. Her knight in shining armour breathing heavy over her, feeling nothing but burning in his chest.

His head got a little numb and he started to feel dizzy as he stood up. His tongue clacked dry, He pounded the side of his head with his balled palm around the butt of his gun. He opened and closed his eyes deliberately, as if his lids were glued together and he had to pull them apart.

He took a sharp snort of air and was straight again. His shoulders knotted up tight lifting the gun like his arms were on marionette strings. Wobbling slightly but long and straight and rigid. He took up his firing stance and paced through the kitchen trying to make as little noise as possible on the tiled floor.

There was a small alcove behind the breakfast bar adjacent to a set of two white wooden slated doors that probably lead into a small pantry. Con rounded the breakfast bar tightly, using his hand to toss himself around the sharp corner. He passed through alcove into a small carpeted anti-room. This room didn’t seem to have a purpose since it was too open and close to the kitchen to be a bedroom and too small to be another living room or sitting area. Despite that it had the same carpeting and the same type of ceiling fan with the daffodil shaped light fixtures. There was another alcove on his far left that fed back into the entry hallway, a door on the wall on his right which lead outside into the pool area. Another door in front adjacent to the pool was open at an angle.

He braced the ajar door and pushed it open with his empty hand, probing the stale air with the Glock. As the door opened he was in a small strangely angled smoking room with a large sixties style red stone fireplace. Against the back wall there was a beat up leather couch and a wood end table in front of the fireplace facing out. It looked out of place with the new coat of paint and the modern light fixtures running along the ceiling. There was a closed door on the right adjacent wall to the fireplace that probably lead out of the house functioning as a side entrance. The main focus was a strange door that jutted out into the centre of the room. The walls seemed to angle to meet it forming a trapezoidal shape taking up almost a quarter of the floor space. The door was so imposing it took all the focus off the bespoke fireplace and the entire room seemed to centre around it like it was a big flat screen TV.

Con glided over to the door, he gripped the knob and began to turn it, it was unlocked. He flung the door open and pressed against the doorjamb angling his gun through the opening.

It was black as pitch, a set of stairs faintly lit by the sunlight coming in from the window on the other side of the room. The stairs went down into a basement of some kind. Con craned his free hand around fumbling for a light switch. He got a nasty shock on an exposed wire and yanked his hand away like it was a rattlesnake bite. He fumbled around in his pocket for a moment before pulling out his cell phone. There was no signal, they must have been too close to the mountains, he didn’t remember seeing a single landline throughout the whole house. With the gun lodged tight to his chest he held the cell phone out in front of him as his only source of light and started down the stairs.

~

 

 

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Don’t Look Close by LoweFantasy or T.S. Lowe – A review

I didn’t look too close.

Hard to follow some of those really in depth reviews. I like to give my first impressions, I come from a comic background so the first ‘issue’ the first chapter is god, there’s nothing beyond the first chapter. It’s like an essay where you try and sum up everything you want to do with the rest of the work in the introduction.
In the first issue of a comic you have to deal with a serious attention deficit crowd, so the first part really needs to hook some noses in your direction, it needs to say everything you want to say right then and there but still leave people wanting more.
You don’t dump it all in their lap, you just give them enough to grab their interest then reel it back so they chase it throughout the story.
I think the first chapter is well written, it’s very easy to read but I don’t feel invested enough really in the characters to want to read more. That’s not an indictment on you as a writer as much as it is on me as an incredibly fickle reader who isn’t into romance unless there’s zombies somewhere hinted in it haha.
I just think it feels a little bit like you’re thrown into this person’s life and instantly expected to give a shit and I just don’t, obviously it’s probably a slow burner and I’m one of those people with the attention span of a nat. I’m fully aware I’m not the intended audience and the other people that reviewed this are.
It’s interesting but it’s not a story that hasn’t been done before, it’s probably all character based but if this were I comic it would have a very niche following and it would get snowed in under an avalanche of shehulk’s haha.
I think it’s because our styles of writing differ so much, I like to think I’m really ostentatious and what you’ve done here is very subtle and heartfelt and genuine and I’m just butthurt haha.
Overall I think it was well presented well, there were a few mistakes but I wont labour the point because without spellcheck I’m legally retarded and when you come to look at some of my work you’ll shred me asunder deservedly so haha.
In summary I’m not the intended audience by a long stretch but it’s competently executed and I could someone really enjoying the characters interplay alone.

If you want to read for yourself, check it out on inkitt for free.

Don’t Look Close

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