Is that a shoe or some kind of hightech weapon? A jetpack maybe haha. Just messing with you. I assume it’s converse shoes. Paragraphs, use them, please god use them. Is English even your first language? I didn’t even know she was in a hospital, all this pointless description just going over my head. We get it, shes worried about her sister. Honestly, I can’t read this, it’s too tedious and sloppy and it just keeps going on and one without any story with these huge blocks of texts. It’s a chore to read and it barely makes sense. I’m just gonna give it a four because it’s not terrible and if English isn’t your first language or you’re using some sort of translation tool then it’s great, it makes some sense, it can be followed. It just not grabbing me. It’s not horrible, it just needs loads of work.
If you want to read it for yourself, to inkitt you must sojourn.