But I felt I had to.

I don’t know, I don’t know why I bother, I don’t know why I bothered with any of it. Just rambling.

I think something like a grand total of three days I was happy and I knew it couldn’t last because it never does.

We’re immune to happiness, untouched by comfort, invulnerable to stability and we sabotage every chance we get and keep going around in circles getting nowhere.

It’s the definition of insanity.

Because we’re afraid, terrified. Of love and life and normality and being fulfilled and happy, it chills us to the bone.

Is there a place for people like us? People for us? Probably not. We’ll have to live or die with that.

The truth is there was no fate, or hand of god or luck, just a big cosmic joke, a joke at our expense, to fall so deeply in love with someone so incompatible in every sense of the word.

I honestly think she’ll be better raised by one parent, better one parent than two parents that hate each other, or just love to fight each other or love to hate each other.

Either way, it ends for good.

 

Caralee,

I’ll miss that smile now,

Maybe I’ll see it someday

When I close my eyes.

 

I will wait for you,

A cool breeze and a warm sun,

I’ll be there waiting.

 

When you need me most,

I will never leave your side,

I’ll be there always.

 

All my love,

Daddy.