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GS2 Second Sunday Last Chapter ‘Un chien andelou’

Hello again, back with the exciting, enthralling, exhilarating conclusion to Green Sunday 2 haha.
Yeah right, ok well this is it, I probably won’t be doing another installment any time soon, I’ve sort of been focusing on serious stuff more lately and just sort of pawning off my silliness with 3 ring instead of sinking so much time and energy into nonsense books about zombies. The irony being that there are zombies in 3 ring haha.

Not gonna be too longwinded today because I have way too much to do really. I want to completely go over my Diana pitch stuff ready for agents and gonna get that filler in with some 3 ring proofreads and it struck me that I should probably give TOTCB another looksie actually. I was thinking about how much attention it gets on inkitt and I thought I might give it a once over with new eyes and maybe improve it a little and rehash some of the pitch stuff. Because I actually did get some interest for this when I pitched it but I jumped the gun and the editor I was using at the time wouldn’t let it go and it took too long to actually deliver a full complete manuscript.

Which is why I’m currently pulling my hair out waiting for the edits of Diana to come back and not doing what I want to do which is email every literary agent in new york and london with my pitch right now haha. Because if I did that and they liked the pitch but I didn’t have the manuscript ready I’d have fucked up.

This is why I’m currently losing my shit haha. Spiralling between depression and mania constantly. But there’s really nothing I can do about it just yet. I can’t make my editor edit faster but I can make sure what I have is perfect and ready to go the moment it’s all done. And I do think TOTCB might need another shot, because the story is solid I just fucked it up doing it in 30 days haha. It needed more time and attention and to feel less like a documentary. In a lot of ways I wanted it to be stripped down and real like a pulp noir story but I guess that’s not as appealing to something more grounded.

Anyway fannying about here isn’t helping

See you…

–

A fat hand grabbed for a seafoam green office phone in the back of the shoe store. TJ took the phone out of the cradle and put it to his ear.

“What?”

“Is that any way to greet me? ‘What’. I’m only looking out for your best interests and that’s the tone you take with me.”

“What do you want?”

“Ok well obviously there’s too much sand in your vagina for us to have a productive discussion. I’ll call back later when there aren’t zombie furfags crawling up your ass.”

“Wwwait, ok ok, cut me some slack here.”

“Ok ok, now that’s better, you know I’m really digging how this turned out. You two put on a great show, fat samurai on ice. That was really surprising. Like some real weeb shit. The drama, I laughed, I cried, some of it I’m not gonna lie, got me a little hard. That heartfelt moment you had a little while ago, truly boner-inspiring.”

“Can we move this along?”

“Sorry what?”

TJ grit his teeth and said “Nothing”.

“Ok because I thought you were being crabby again, I mean I did reunite you with the fap of your life here.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Oh come on, anyway, let’s get back on track here. Final goal or quest or whatever, this one’s an easy one.”

“let’s hear it”

“Cool your heels hotshot, I just need you to get up into the control centre of the mall. There’s a radio up there, just turn it on and I should be able to pick your signal, so it’ll be like you’re calling me for a change.”

“And then?”

“And then we’ll get you out of this mess, no problem.”

“Ok”.

–

Evergreen made it to the roof through the service elevator. The chopper was already prepped, ready to take off. An aid came to his side with another jacket and he swapped it out for the torn one. The aid then took the old one away and handed him a cellphone. He took in his other hand as he got on the chopper with Rigby bundling in beside him sliding the door of the chopper shut.

“Out” Evergreen said cupping the phone.

“You what?” Rigby said as he just got comfortable.

“Loose ends” Evergreen said.

Rigby unbuckled his seatbelt in an indignant way and slid the door open muttering to himself. “Bloody zombie game show, absolute shite”. He got out and slid it shut behind him.

“Sir?”

“It seems our towel headed friend made a move”

“You got under his skin it seems.”

“Hahaha, that’s what I do, I had no idea how much until now, caught me by surprise, I didn’t think he’d play his hand so soon.” A thoughtful breath. “After this he’ll have no choice but to act, that Lysander pussy included. No more games in the shadows, no more backroom bullshit or spying. They’ll have to face me in the light on my terms.”

“I hope you’re right” Evergreen said.

The call ended and he banged on the window for the pilot to start and the helicopter ascended and Evergreen dipped into the minibar.

–

It was relatively quiet in the mall now. Only the intermittent sound of it’s super structure crumbling and creaking. A few fires crackling, most of everything was dead or double dead. The mercs had pulled out about the same time as Evergreen had so it was almost as still as when they arrived. But that stillness is what set TJ’s teeth on edge. He tore out of the shoe store to look around.

“Sunday?! Sunday?!” He called.

“Yeah” A little voice said to left.

There she was, just like before. Standing in front of him dressed a little like she was trying to be little red riding hood or going to a toga party commando.

“Oh” He said, sounding a little deflated “What happened to that crazy girl?”

“She had to split- I guess?” She said raising an eyebrow as if she was asking a question to herself. “I guess she split, I can’t really think of anything better than that, it’s not like I get a script, fuck. Can we go now?”

“Er yeah.” TJ stammered.

–

Wings flapping, the sound of snow and grass crunching under foot, brush separating. An ice cold breeze and a strange a-tonal beeping noise.

A haggard figure looked back over the their shoulder down from their incline on the town slowly burning town. Muted gun shots and explosions, winding down into irrelevance.

He looked down at the strange device in his hand beeping and kept going up the hill following the sound of the beeps.

“What is that?” A little girl’s voice asked.

“Our way out” Carpenter croaked. He stumbled up the hill, holding onto the leaking hole in his shoulder. His back was soaked in blood and getting colder and colder by the minute.

“Is that it? It’s so weird” Laura said running into a clearing on the peak of the hill. “It’s like a pod, or an alien space ship.” She squealed touching the odd egg shaped pod with a windowed front, a parachute drapped behind it.

“Must have come down in this, might be a way to get back up, something coming to pick it up.” His breathing was shallow and laboured and visible in the cold. His limbs getting heavier and heavier. He smirked and said “All this trouble for little old me” He coughed and shook and grimaced at the pain in his shoulder.

–

Read the rest of the final chapter of GS2 on inkitt Un chien andelou

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GS2 Second Sunday Chapter 25 ‘Marilyn Monroe’

Hey there,

(Shit so I wrote this blog and forgot to post it so haha so like none of this makes sense, I blame too much weight lifting and creatine powder for turning my brain into mush. And I got new pictures of green haired chicks and everything fuck me right hahahahaha)

Been a pretty interesting week, got unbanned and rebanned on facebook in like the space of a day so that’s another 30 days in Zuccerberg’s gulag for me haha. And it was for such a lame reason. It was for a mildly edgy joke, I mean it was obviously a joke comment on a picture of someone I’m friends with. And it was one of a series of memes and jokes, we were all making harmless slightly edgy jokes just trying to make eachother laugh. None of it serious, no hate speech or anything, not targeting anyone or bullying anyone or threatening anyone, all in good fun, bam banned for thirty days for hate speech.

And this was a post on a fairly edgy friend of mine on facebook and I doubt he would be friends with people who would report on people for mildly offensive jokes. So that means either someone on my friends list is stalking me and has a grudge against me and is just flagging anything I say in an attempt to get me banned or it’s someone who actually works for facebook trying to get me expunged from the platform.

And it could even be both because I’m actually ‘friends’ with this really ‘progressive’ douche who actually works as a mod for facebook. This is someone I use as an ideological punching bag regularly haha. He’s a far left guy but not really smart enough to come up with his own ideas. He’s left wing because he likes letting others think for him, he likes having a script whereas I have my own ideas, I’m not just reciting an ideological framework, which is why it’s hard for me to say I’m one ideology or another because my opinions are evolving constantly. I think about all my positions before I engage in debate. So when I argue with someone like this about politics it’s boring because I already know everything they’re going to say. It’s like playing chess when you know every move the other person is going to make and it’s easy to destroy someone working from an established play book. 

So I could see this guy using this tiny modicum of power he has to come at me in this most balless of ways haha. Not being able to best me physically or ideologically/mentally. This guy is soy personified, I saw an unironic post where he was proud of like doing ten pull ups on like a jungle gym, bruh. So needless to say, he has years of stored up beta orbiter rage haha.

But I went and got myself a paid Vpn and I’m using a secure email and a secure browser and I have burner numbers to use for phone verification so I’m trying to russian hack my way back on to the book of faces haha. Because every attempt at making a new sock has been thwarted and I can only assume it’s because they’re tracking my ip. Just gonna try and transition to this new account and if I can’t use my same face and name I’ll just make a sock to manage my like pages when I’m banned, maybe spam new work.

My post schedule was unusual this week because I just had to get out that spiderman review, it was burning me up inside, that game was such trash I actually returned it. Because you pay fifty quid (well I didn’t, my brother bought it, I haven’t bought a game in almost a year due to extreme brokeness, been playing free games like a peasant haha) for a game that’s essentially been gutted and stuffed with cotton wool, then they have the gawl to ask for eighty quid to get the ‘deluxe’ edition which is basically just the full game. It’s just disgusting practices lumped onto an already mediocre experience and it just keeps going on because idiots will pay it.

I finished my latest Parker book and it does not end well. I mean it was good, but damn my boi Parker cannot catch a break haha. I’m getting worried how he can survive. Because in my head he has like a money meter that’s ticking down as time goes by and he has had no winners for a couple of books now, he must be getting desperate and nervous. But that really ratchets up the tension for the next book, this next job has to go right or he’s gonna have to rob a liquor store to eat, he must be broke as all hell by now. This was the third job in the book, all the others botched and abandoned and then this one goes completely tits up in every way imaginable and it was glorious to read haha. Because the actually robbery goes down without a hitch, but the problem was with what they stole, it was paintings and everything basically went wrong when they tried to fence them. So hopefully next time Parker will choose something that’s just straight cash.

I hope the next book is just as strong as this one and he actually makes some money this time. Because these books have a great sense of catharsis, balancing between ‘crime doesn’t pay’ and ‘money money money’ haha. I just love them, I will be heartbroken when I finish them all, thankfully there are a shit ton of them and then spin offs with my favourite side character too. Also I found that collection of graphic novels I have to read. Maybe I can even get my brother into it through the comics because for some reason he refuses to read the books. He just prefers sci-fi.

Ok so that’s most of my day gone, trying to sneak back onto facebook and ranting about it haha. Got a bit of a surprise except not really lined up for tomorrow, some fresh spicey content. Not that my spidey review wasn’t fresh spicey content. So gonna get to work on that make sure it’s ready for tomorrow and bid you far thee well.

See you…

–

Across town the town the donut shop continued to burn. The giant donut on top creaked and moaned as it strained against it’s metal struts. It groaned and heaved against it’s restrained as the bolts loosened with the heat. The sound like a ship about to burst a bulk head. The bolts flying off with the weight of the giant metal donut bearing down upon them.

The thing lumbered forward and broke loose. Popping off almost like the button on a torn blouse and rolling down the hill.

–

Smoke rose from the barrel of the oversized anti-aircraft cannon. The sound of sizzling and heavy breathing.

“Who the hell is this now?” Rigby yelled from across the mall.

The panting gave way to a swallowing sound, dry lips clicking and licking as the newcomer tried to speak.

“I’m-“ panting “Juanita” panting “Horker”.

Silence.

“Who?” He called out again from across the hall.

“Juanita Horker!” she spat.

The fat green haired girl looked a mess. She was sweaty. Her makeup had shifted across her face like a landslide. It made it look like she was wearing a weird mask or she was looking in a funhouse mirror.

Her tights were torn and she was bleeding from her head. Dizzy maybe from that but probably more from the fact she walked all the way here.

Her oddly cut green hair was stuck up in places and now looked more like a bad costume shop wig.

“I’m here to chew bubblegum and Kill Sunday Morgan” She paused to catch her breath and continued “And I’m all out of gum.”

Silence.

“No one gets that reference, that movie is like thirty years old” Rigby called out again.

“Fuck you!” She screeched as she lifted the cannon firing vaguely at where she thought the voice was coming from. “FUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKFUCKYOUFUCKFUCKFUCKYOU!

–

The shell hit the balcony a couple of feet away from Rigby and Evergreen. Evergreen unmoved said “Now it’s time to go.”

“Couldn’t agree more” Rigby said.

They started across the walkway to the service elevator when a voice came from behind them.

“Where do you think you’re going?” They turned to see Sunday standing behind them. This one was wearing a long t-shirt that had a picture of a smiling banana split on it. Her bat slung over her shoulder.

“Leaving so soon?” Another one said climbing over the balcony wearing a torn up furry head.

“Oh jesus” Rigby said. “Where are they all coming from?” He said looking over the balcony. He saw a human pyramid of Sundays in various stages of dress climbing up to the balcony. “Shit” He said taking out his pistol and shooting the one that came over the balcony in it’s furry head. It crumpled to the floor only to be climbed over by two more.

“Bet you regret making me a freak now huh?” The one with the bat said. As she sauntered over to Evergreen.

Evergreen smiled baring a sharp canine and started to roll up the sleeve of his right hand and said “Not at all”.

–

“Fughk you!!!” Juanita screamed as she fired wantonly at everything and nothing. Her heaving bosom and gut lurching up and down as she flailed the huge gun incinerating furries and Sunday clones alike. Cutting huge swaths through the crowds. Holding the gun between her thighs and humping it everytime she fired. Sweat beading on her forehead.

She huffed and puffed and paused for a moment to comment “I’m pretty good at this” Quaking.

“I’m literally shaking.” She took hold of the gun tightly, “All I needed was a big hard, gun” She panted.

–

The donut was still rolling. It picked up some pace coming down the hill. Parting cars and crushing parking meters as it rolled on it’s path of destruction, down the mountain. People watched through their curtains as it rolled past and made a sound like thunder or someone moving a heavy dumpster down a cobbled street.

–

Rigby was covered in naked Sundays. One had him in an headlock with her legs wrapped around his waist giving him a noogie. Two more grabbed his legs and were biting him through his pants.

He angled his gun up and shot the one that had him in a headlock in the head and it fell off. He kicked away from the others annoyed. The large man wading through the slight under dressed girls.

“Sir, I think we should start getting on don’t you” He said dryly.

“The chopper will wait”. He said not taking his eyes off the Sunday in front of me. “Come at me Sunday-girl, if that is the real you.”

The Sunday with the bat scoffed “You think I give a shit?” She said as sauntered over to him swaying her hips and letting the bat fall by her side, dragging it along the floor.

“You think you’re the real you?” He said smiling with those dead button like shark eyes in that flat featureless face. “The girl that was Sunday is probably in a vat of semiotic fluid somewhere in our vault. Or chopped up for parts.” He paused and smiled and waited for a reaction. He watched as her brow scrunched up and the bat scraped the parquet floor. “You’re a by product, a mistake, a copy of a copy. The real Sunday probably never existed, your ‘persona’ if you’d like, is a concoction of a marketing team.” Her face got red, he smiled wider. “You’re an amalgamation of keywords and hashtags. #Greenhair #hairypits #feminism #girlpower #strongfemalecharacter #gamergirl #nerdgirl #femaleempowerment. All just designed to get more clicks. To stir up constroversy” Her face was hot now and he knew he was getting to her. “You’re human clickbait.” He said with a gleeful clicking with his tongue.

“Fuck you!” She cried out with a wobble in her voice like she’d been stood up for the prom and brought the bat up fast and down hard with a dull thudding crack noise.

–

Check out the rest of this chapter and my other stuff on inkitt Marilyn Monroe

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GS2 Chapter 24 ‘Kinda outta luck’

Hey ho fellow humanoids,

This sadly will be the only blog for this week because my day job is about to get especially hectic over the following week and I’ll have absolutely zero time to work on that or anything else for that matter. I just have time today to do a little proofreading, maybe some spamming then hi ho hi ho it’s off to work I go.

What have I been up to, none other than revisiting everyone’s favourite (and only) clown samurai; Pookie Pookerson (not cannon last name).

Yep so I started the next part of three ring like ‘how do I do this again? What’s the backstory?’ haha and weirdly it went pretty well, I mean I’m not churning it out but what I put out was pretty good I thought. I kinda wanted it to be like an anime that skirts a fine line between serious and comedy. So you have this completely ridiculous world full of ridiculous people but the humour comes from them all taking it really seriously until they don’t.

So I think the opening I did for the second part captured that pretty well, had some wry humor but mostly kept it straight and focused on the action and the story… of which there is one haha. I have some idea where I want to go with it but I’m not taking it too seriously, I’m just trying to have fun with it and work on it as a break that’s not a break haha. Because I can’t actually stop writing, I can just take it less seriously haha.

The next few days are gonna suck for multiple reasons but maybe I’ll get some reading done in between unspeakable horror. Might finish that Parker novel which is shaping up to be really good. It kind of has a weird structure because its sort of gone off on a tangent but has such good tension that it doesn’t matter that it’s not directly attached to the job. He’s basically had his cake and eaten it here because you have the autistic planning and setup phase interspersed with this tense action set piece which is also drawn out really well. And all the characters are great and Parker feels like Parker again when he kind of felt like Joe blow in the last couple of books. 

But this book makes me happy because I started to feel after the witcher and these last two Parker books that I was falling out of love with reading as a result of playing too many video games and watching too many films. But it’s not the case I’m as eager as before to really get into this book. Not as much as I was when reading Dexter but that’s Dexter for you haha.

Now that I mention the witcher I heard rumours that ciri is supposed to be black in the netflix show. And I could have maybe seen how Geralt the white wolf could have been black maybe because his origins are sort of a mystery so you can just rewrite and say he came from Kovir. Same could be done with Dandelion because they don’t really have firm backstories in the books or the games. But Ciri has a really firm backstory which is tied directly to the plot.

For Ciri to be black literally all of Cintra of which she’s the princess of has to be wakanda haha. The entire royal line would have to be black, the elves too because she’s the spawn of the elder blood. She has elven blood running through her veins. So the elves have to be black too. I mean maybe she could be mullatto because her father is sort of this cursed outcast who had to basically trick Queen Calanthe into marrying her daughter Princess Pavetta. Which Geralt helped him to do in exchange for the right of surprise on Ciri. So you could just make her father from Kovir I guess but that adds another layer of politics to an already politics heavy story and not to mention Kovir I don’t think is even in the books.

Essentially I think this show is going to be a glorious trainwreck too concerned with diversity quotas and virtue signalling to actually tell a decent compelling story, it’s the type of shit we see everyday. This isn’t new, so it’s probably going to flop, I mean you’ve alienated the majority of the fanbase even saying you’re basing it off the books because the people that play the games have no idea how shit the books are in comparison haha. So they’ll watch the first episode and be like “What is this shit?” and they’ll turn it off haha. Add to that the new wakanda plotline and you’re making a show for like three people two of which are in the writing staff haha.

I just think this is really funny. It just sounds like it’s going to be a colossal disaster and I’m just getting my popcorn ready, while also eagerly awaited CD projeckt red to wow us Cyberpunk which looks amazing. I can’t wait for that, still not going to preorder haha. Unless they make me an offer I can’t refuse haha. Some people are still shitting on it saying it looks like shitty Deus ex and I don’t know what they’re talking about it, I think it looks like the complete fucking opposite. It looks like Deus ex with some balls and real grit and a living huge world not a tiny sandbox to mess about in, but a gta sized world with cars and people.

What I hope is it finds a balance between deus ex with it’s well crafted little sandboxes and gta’s huge open world because there are trade offs to both. With deus ex you get less room to play and explore and no vehicles but every set piece is hand crafted and every room feels kind of lived in and real. Whereas in gta it’s sort of lots of nothing in some cases. It’s bigger and has more vehicles but you can’t actually explore all the buildings or what not, so there are trade offs. 
The bar I’m setting for Cyberpunk is a middle ground between these two. Because I love Deus ex but I always felt like it was holding back, not giving me enough, sort of just giving me bite size chunks of this world to sell me the rest as dlc. Whereas in gta you almost get too much and it deters replay value. And once upon a time we had a perfect blend of both. 
We once had games that were full satisfying experiences that weren’t just dlc/sequel bait but also left you wanting to play them again to experience things you might’ve missed.

It’s the kind of oldschool mentality and feel you only get from these eastern european developers like cd projekt and warhorse because their ethos is stuck in the 90’s but their tech is modern. They have passion and grit and love of their games without trying to squeeze every cent out of them or push some political narrative. They’re at this perfect stage where they’re big enough to make triple a titles that rival the big boys but small enough to not have focus groups or investors breathing down their necks and imposing their will on the games like we’re seeing from EA and Besthesda. Two companies that were once heroes now living long enough to become villains. Due alone to their business practices and their churning out of these lazy subpar games used to push lazy political narratives.
But that’s just the way it is I guess. I mean if multi-billion dollar companies can’t bring out a decent series of star wars movies then what hope does netflix and videogame companies have?

Anyway that’s enough ranting for today, gone on way too long already. Gonna see if I can’t get some proofreading in before I crash, got a big week of constant sorrow ahead of me haha. But that come down is sweet, on sunday I promise to do little more than feed myself and I might not even do that haha. Might be too lazy and just learn to photosynthesize haha.

Legit running out of content now haha. Green Sunday is almost done, Gage is toast, gotta get cranking out those Proofs on Cur and write some more samurai clown goodness haha.

See you..

–

“ADAM WAIT!” A ghostly voice cried out.

A deathly pause, a black echo, the sound of shaking metal and a robotic response; “That name.”

TJ opened his eyes slowly, the metal foot hovering an inch in front of his face about to curb stomp him against the ice. The foot was stopped, frozen with hesitation. The Lancer paused, he shook his head and pretended he didn’t hear it. A mistake, a ghost in the machine and pressed his foot against TJ’s skull pinning it to the ice. Put pressure on it a pound at a time of crushing pressure.

“ADAM STOP!” A shrill voice cried.

The Lancer stopped again and took the pressure off. The hair on the back of his neck raised like he was a kid caught playing with his mothers high heels. He breathed in and out but didn’t turn his head. He shook his head again and put his foot back.

TJ closed his eyes. The cold metal foot was still stopped and all he could hear was the drone of the furry horde. The Lancer’s foot came completely off TJ’s head and he stumbled backwards weighed down by something. White tentacles wrapped around his throat and his legs and his arms and his waist. More and more latching on until he was almost covered in these white appendages.

TJ rolled onto his back and he rubbed his eyes trying to focus on the ghostly arms that had hold of the chrome knight.

‘Arm…s’ plural, the Lancer was locked down by a series of thin naked white arms.

A straight jacket of porcelain flesh constricting around all his joints stopping him like quicksand. His movements grinding to a halt as more and more arms began to wrap around him.

“What the fuck?” TJ whispered.

–

Carpenter looked down at the sea of furry faces. All cheery and colourful and hungry for flesh and probably the juice inside eyeballs. He lost his balance for a second wobbling the plank. He darted his head back and kept his cutlass high locking eyes with the Frenchman who was still and silent.

“Are you ready?” The Frenchman said. His voice ringing with a gleeful tone of completion. Of fate reaches out a warm hand and patting him on the small of his back.

Carpenter said nothing. He smiled broadly and started to rock back and forth and then bounce slightly up and down like he was a on a trampoline. Getting deeper into the bounce each time.

The Frenchman lost some composure as he felt the board shaking. Heard it creaking and groaning, wood fibres splitting and giving way. “What are you doing?” He shrieked as he could feel it giving way.

Carpenter fed on his fear, his smile growing wider. His lips parting showing those sharp teeth and he said; “Whatever it takes.”

–

Read the full chapter on inkitt by following this link kinda outta luck.

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GS2 Chapter 22 Duck Seazon

Ahoyhoy fellow sailors, it is I, that dude on the internet who writes stuff I guess.

Back again with more inane commentary on random books and other such pointless crap haha

I just watched Deadpool 2 and I said I wouldn’t do a review because I didn’t really have strong feelings about it, I just thought it was ok. But then I went ahead and wrote a review which I cut out of this blog haha.
Just started writing it and I got out a lot of things I thought about the movie had potential. Because one thing I hate more than a bad movie is a potentially good movie which squanders that potential and just descends to the ranks of the average. Be good or be bad but never be average.

So I’ll have that up tomorrow, shit now I’m completely out of content for todays blog haha.

Well from the get go, that new Parker novel is shaping up to be a complete return to form, even bringing back a villain I forgot he didn’t kill haha. Which is rare if you read the other Parker novels. If you cross Parker it usually doesn’t matter who you are, you end up with a toe tag sooner or later. But I guess he let him live at the end because he felt sorry for him. Which is actually kind of the whole theme  of the book he appears in.

He’s basically this loser criminal who manipulates everyone around him, either by just lying and being reverential or being so pathetic you can’t help but pity him. And I think that’s why Parker couldn’t kill him, but in the book I seem to remember it was sort of up in the air, it wasn’t explicit that he didn’t kill him it was just left to interpretation. And my interpretation of Parker is that he would have killed him without question. Parker does not fuck around, if someone is in his way he’s getting out of his way in a body bag.

He’s killed women and children in these books, he’s imprisoned mentally retarded people, he’s shot people in the back when they were running away, one of which was a woman. He gives zero fucks, he’s a cold calculated criminal who will do anything to survive and profit.

But I’m guessing what Stark is going for is that Parker is softening, getting weak, which is a good idea because it adds more tension, more uncertainty. So the power fantasy of being this unstoppable badass is slowly eroding. And this is an intentional thing since the addition of his love interest Claire.

We’re supposed to know she’s a danger to him but not care because he loves her. And that’s the ultimate dichotomy. Because if Parker was 100% this practical cold calculating machine he would never keep Claire, he would have treated her like all the other women in his life after his first wife Lynn. Just disposable.
All this time Parker has gotten by watching others like him fall because they tried to live a dual life. Balancing the two being impossible, so Parker just decided to have no life other than his criminal life making him invulnerable but isolated. But now Claire in a way is his ultimate villain, someone that weakens him but he can’t let go of, risking himself and her.

This book seems a lot bigger in scope and so far I’m really enjoying it.

As far as the witcher is concerned, I’m not really paying any attention anymore, I just turn it on when I’m gaming, the audiobook I mean. The only thing I pick out of it is that every character this guy writes is more obnoxious than the last, especially women. He goes out of his way to make all the women make me want to stab a pen in my ear. They’re just these working ‘hurr durr women can be cool too’ stereotypes, gotta respakt da wamans. It’s just so forced and corny and lame. I don’t mind strong female characters, heck I write a bunch of them, there’s one at the bottom of this damn blog post haha. But I try and steer clear of this mary sue bullshit ‘the women are just as tough as the men’ bullshit, this unearned superiority to men. I can’t stand it really. I kind of try and mock that trope with Sunday but she’s not in my mind this total generic bad ass, she has struggles with herself and I tried to make her more believable as a woman. And not just a carbon copy bad ass. I tried to make her strong but also nurturing and aloof too. I can’t be a judge of how well I did but hey haha.

Now if you’d asking me about my own writing I would get quiet. Hasn’t been the smoothest recently, day job and weather really getting in the way, it’s sort of slowed to a crawl. Can’t seem to muster the same passion I had at the start.

I’m considering a break to write something more fun until I’m in the mood again but I fear what that might lead to. My only option really is to keep plugging away and hope I don’t go mad.

Well there was something at least haha.

See you…

–

“Is this really necessary? I mean I’m not exactly much of a threat. I don’t even do cardio, my blood is ninety percent mountain dew! I get out of breath going to the bathroom, come on!” Murray cried as Carpenter tied him to the mison mast of the giant pirate ship in the whitefish mall.

He was whistling passing ropes back and forth wrapping him snuggly around his whole body. Murray’s soggy floppy hair hanging down with sweat.

“And why upside down? That’s just cruel and unusual, I’m getting dizzy already.” Murray continued to whine.

Carpenter bent down when he was satisfied Murray was tied tight enough. He got right up in Murray’s face with that harsh oniony breath making his eyes water. Murray tried to get away from that acidic breath burning his eyes but there wasn’t much room for his head to move. Carpenter smiled and said “I don’t want you to get in the way” He laughed and flicked his nose “Landlubber”. He stood up tall with his hands on the hips of his new red coat and pirate hat he stole off the captain of the skeleton crew.

He looked out on at the mall. All the stores, down at the fake concrete pool floor painted to look like a sea and licked his lips.

“Yoho a pirates life for me!” The little girl’s voice said.

He looked up at her, she was in the crows nest dressed as a pirate with a spyglass. “Land ho!” She said grabbing a rope and sliding down to the deck like Errol Flyn.

He put his foot up on one of the cannons and took the spyglass from her looking out at the entrance of the mall. Thousands of zombie furries were slowly pouring in. Muffled gunfire as the far off mercs tried to quell them in vain falling back to the second floor.

“First mate Cecilia”

“Cecilli.” He corrected as he came out of the captain cabin wearing a really tight stripey first mate shirt. His belly comically poking out of it. An eyepatch shifted up onto his beanie and a pair of tight leather pants completed the ensemble. “Why do I have to wear this?” He asked pulling the tight shirt away from his manboobs, giving them some air to breath.

Carpenter grinned like an evil pirate skeleton and said “Because this is your grave”.

–

“Sir, should we move? The choppers waiting on the roof.” Rigby said to Evergreen’s back. Evergreen watched the furries flood into the mall beneath him, surrounding the ice rink. He breathed and thought about it for a moment. His men on the far side were holding behind their makeshift barricades for the moment. They were quelling the horde with intermittent automatic fire stopping them from reaching the second floor.

“We can hold a little longer.” Evergreen said without looking back.

Rigby made an incredulous face behind his back and said “Yes sir”.

Evergreens hands tightened on the rail of the second floor balcony as he breathed deeply watching. “How will you get out of this one Sunday girl?” He said under his breathe.

–

“We have to keep moving!” She screamed in TJ’s sweaty ear as she yanked his flabby arm trying to keep him on his feet.

The eviscergrator was rolling back and forth and around the giant icerink. It was watching and waiting trying to run over and mulch them like an old fashioned push lawnmower. It made crunching biting noises as it ran over the ice. If they watched it and waited and were quick and nimble they could dodge roll out of it’s path like a dark souls boss.

But TJ was getting tired of that. He was drenched in sweat and it was making him heavy and cold and his legs felt numb and shaky. He could barely stand up on the ice and Sunday knew it. A chill ran up her spine as she stared into his desperate sweaty face, she sniffed as she could feel it coming on. Tears welling up in her eyes, tired defeated tears on their way in buckets.

If she ever had a chance to live.

He had to die.

–

The Frenchman let out a mirthless chuckle and said “So you knew the whole time, I’m impressed”.

Carpenter grinned and walked the deck up and down. He plucked a sword out of the hand of one of the skeleton crew and said “Knew what?”

The Frenchman was incredulous, “That I was here to kill you this whole time, you knew?” He pleaded.

Carpenter scratched his beard with the tip of the sword and said “Nah, not until you just said so.” He dropped the sword away from his face and said “Why would anyone want to kill me?” He said without a hint of irony in his voice.

The Frenchman walked up to now naked skeleton captain and took the rapier from his cold dead hand. “You have no idea what I’m talking about do you?”

Carpenter smiled and shrugged like he didn’t care.

“In the last game you killed a very important man’s only son and he- why am I telling you this?” He said cutting himself off. He stumbling forward into an angry thrust of the rapier as if pulled forward by a magnetic rage. The two sword clanking together. Their faces coming close as they locked blades. Carpenter smiling with his stinking breathe.

–

Read the rest of this chapter on inkitt.

Duck Seazon

0

GS2 Chaper 21 ‘Some girls are bigger than others’

Hey there,

Not much to say today, mostly been working and being boring haha. Not much writing or wackiness happening right and I haven’t really had time to be bored by the witcher. I watched avengers infinity war yesterday and it was ok I guess. I have no strong feelings about it.

Getting to the end of this Parker book, it’s pretty short but I’m taking my time haha. I dunno I’m not rushing to finish it, as I said before it’s just sort of smaller with less in depth characters than the other books so I’m not like dying to read the next chapters like I usually am. 
It’s pathetic, I look forward to bus journeys and waiting for stuff just so I can read but this one is just a little meh. It’s just not as big in scope, it’s all set in one place and although its an interesting place it just sort of kills the pacing. I kinda thought this one would be like home alone but really bloody but it sort of let me down. His traps were kind of short lived and didn’t do much.

I was hoping the story would actually follow the main villain who I thought Stark had built up quite well and then you’d get to experience the fear of running into Parker’s traps from his perspective a little like the fourth book and how terrified the villain in that book is of Parker *spoilers* so much so he chews a cyanide capsule just seeing his face again.

But they killed off that cool villain character like in the first encounter and then bring in this sort of generic mob boss character who hasn’t been built up at all really and he’s not really doing anything except riding around in a golf cart barking orders at people. I mean yeah it’s realistic that he got killed just by fate but it’s just so anti-climactic because I’d actually grown to like that guy and I wanted to see him and Parker go at in the ring of intelligence and to have him go down at the first hurdle made all that time spent with him seem pointless.

I mean it’s sort of that divide you get between subverted expectations and actually being good. I don’t care if a story is predictable as long as it’s good. I don’t care if my expectations are subverted if I’m disappointed. It’s like last jedi all over again, they spent too much time trying to subvert expectations and do something unexpected than they did actually crafting a decent narrative that made sense and good characters people could identify with.

It’s not a bad book, it’s just not great. Parker, you’re getting soft my old pal, you need to get back in shape, oh yeah also one of my favourite characters gets arrested right at the start so that sucked. Probably never see him again now.

Anyway enough bitching about that, time is getting away from me and it’s too damn hot today, need to attempt some real work today and maybe some spamming since I’m back on facebook, but for how long who knows? I seem to have report snowflakes on my friends list who like to flag me and get me banned for saying only the least edgy things haha.

So we’ll see how that goes.

See you… 

–

TJ froze making a stupid face. Trying to flip through ten seconds of footage of his pathetic life flashing before his eyes. Lots of him just sitting in his underpants watching anime and jacking it to anime porn. His mom’s smile, and a man he thought he recognised but couldn’t place. A skinny guy with short dark hair in a buttoned shirt with a pocket protector. ‘Who is that guy?’ He said to himself as he stood dumbstruck. Staring into the those glowing spider eyes rolling towards him through the threshing blades.

“TJ!” A faraway voice called out to him and he turned in a dreamy haze before getting knocked hard on his ass. The eyes following him in slow motion as the buzzing of blades moved like a cloud of wasps shredding up the top ice as they passed.

Sunday knocked TJ out of the way. She pushed her bat out in front of her. The force of the movement of this thing wrenching it twisting out of her hands and sending it into the air. It landed with a thudding clink. Lodging a heavy circular saw blade into the ice like it was put there by the lady in the lake herself.

The rolled to a stop and started to come together. A picture was forming as the rounded gauging blades slowed, white hot. Cooling and steaming on the ice. The frame of the thing heaving with unnatural laboured breathing. Which moved mechanically like bellows making a harsh wheezing noise.

It was big, atleast seven foot tall but hunched like it was on all fours. Twelve foot long with a whipping barbed metallic tail. No backlegs, just the tail and the front pronged metallic claws like a birds. It’s head was a squat thing with no neck, some kind of helmet covered in sharp barbed spikes. The entire length of it’s body was covered in these holes with gauged rounded blades like a “Fucking cheesegrater cyborg?” TJ said as he peeled himself over his fat gut to get a good look at that thing. “Seriously?!” He spat as he got to his knee.

–

For the rest of the chapter head on over to inkitt.

Some girls are bigger than others

0

GS2 Chapter 20 ‘Execute them’

Hello hello hello,

After what seems like a long absence I have returned from my journey feeling sort of refreshed and a little depressed. It’s really draining knowing that every minute that goes by something is taking your further and further away from the people you love the most and you have no choice but to let it take you.

It’s like being in prison but you’re let out once a year for a week if you’re lucky but here I am now in my own private prison writing weird shit and playing too many video games for someone about to be thirty.

Also I might have aspergers which makes a lot of sense and in a lot of ways is a relief because I always knew there was something not quite right about me. I always felt like I was missing an essential piece of the human puzzle. I thought it just related to never knowing my father, for the longest time I was sure I was some type of just straight up psychopath/sociopath who was just too lazy to be a serial killer haha. But this makes a lot more sense.

So I might be going to the doctor but I don’t really want to as I’ve also been self diagnosed with procrastinitus, a severe case and it’s not like my brain is going anywhere.

So what’s new with me? I watched a really interesting bollywood movie on the plane about toilets and then another on the way back not about toilets and I enjoyed them both. I seem to like bollywood movies for some reason, they’re equal parts shock and awe spectacle meets actual entertainment and story. I like them unironically, even a three hour movie about someone trying to help his wife to not poo in a field. I just found it hilarious haha. I think indians have a great sense of humor about themselves and in general and their stories are fun and their romances aren’t too smoltzy, they’re nice and chased and sweet. It’s not all about sex and drugs and weird shit. A part from the pooing in the fields thing.

Didn’t get much writing done though of late, just been trying to reset my sleep schedule back to the polyphasic, so been really tired and it’s still hot as ever here. But I got some done and I did a few haikus on the plane and bus and train.

Today I think I’m going to actually read my excerpt pitch for Diana in the dark like I’ve been saying I’ll do for weeks now, because it’s getting near the time I actually might be pitching it. I’m in line to get some money together for more editing so I can get that done.

Oh yeah and I hate the witcher haha. They should change the name of the books to the ‘waffler’ because that’s all anyone does. Just waffling on about nonsense then the action breezes past and is gone for more waffling about nonsense. None of the characters are likeable and interesting but everyone is fascinated by Geralt because he’s the least boring character in the book. But honestly I don’t see what others see in him. He’s really rather dull, he’s just a wishy washy character too scared of his own shadow or self righteous to really take a position on anything and I feel like he’s a poor stand in for the writer who has just boring normie political views/takes on everything. I really just can’t pay attention to it, it doesn’t grab me at all.

Anyway must dash, work to be done.

Shit I think I’m running out of pictures of green haired chicks haha.

See you..

–

Scraping scratching sound. Grit and the soles of shoes on concrete sidewalks. Kat rose from her face flat position dazed on the ground picking grit out of the indents they’d made in her face. Spitting it out of her mouth. She stumbled forward tripping over her own feet stepping on something soft.

“Ow” A dull voice under her said.

Kat touched her nose and her hand came up with a little bit of blood and she started to well up.

“You’re standing on my hand” Roch screeched looking up at Kat.

“Bitch fuck you, I think my nose is broken!” Kat snapped back as she went through her purse to find a mirror “Had enough of your shi-“.

She was cut off by Roch pulling her feet out from under her. She crumpled to the ground softening her fall with her hands. Flipping over to kick and flail at Roch as she climbed Kat. Hitting her balled fist at any soft target she could find on the way.

By the time she was all the way on top of her they were in a full scale hissy fit. Biting and dull soft angry punches. Hair pulling and scratching and salty language all over the show. Only then interrupted by a screeching groaning sound of metal twisting and bending. They both turned around to find the source of the noise and the quickly growing shadow. As the turned over truck was turned over again right on top of them. Making a popping squelching peanut butter jelly sandwich getting sat on noise. Squeezing out dark red and black blood, spreading underneath the side of the truck.

A light repetitive tinny tapping sound as the small automatic fired inside the truck. punctuated by shotgun blasts punching the sides. A giant monstrous fist tore through the side of the van reaching deep inside. Wrenching the shotgun out of Carpenter’s greasy mitts and snapping it like kindling. Shaking the truck again like a gorilla in a cage made of tinfoil.

Carpenter pulling his head back to avoid it’s gargantuan grip. Coming in within a hairs breadth of his scraggly beard hair. The freakish thing angered by it’s arm length. It started to peel the metal from the side of the truck trying to make the hole bigger.

Jaclyn’s eyes fluttered in her head as consciousness came back. She was lying on her front, the laptop lying on a heap of debris in front of her on the side of the truck which was now the floor.

The screen was flashing and making alert noises like a popup, she crawled towards it. The screen was flashing the words “Launch signal ‘Yes or no’” flashing in red and orange.

Her body felt like a wrung out washcloth, it wasn’t moving right. She strained to pick her weight up onto her elbows and pull herself towards her laptop. She reached out, her breathing laboured, a pain in her side forcing her to collapse onto her face. She spat and breathed out as the stabbing pain robbed her of a breath. Determined, she started to crawl along like a slug using her chin and one arm to propel her along the floor. Her other hand keeping her ribs from shifting, groaning and hissing as she progressed.

With a noticeable effort she pressed enter. The signal launched with a cheesy nineties matrix loading screen.

A video started to play, a fat girl with green hair doing ridiculous dances in front of a webcam. “What the hell is this? This isn’t what we recorded.” It was Juanita twerking and falling over and pulling a dresser onto herself. She stood gasping, then smiled as if she meant to do that.

A bad jump cut later and she was looking into the camera, her face made up like Marilyn Monroe. “I’m Juanita Horker, the new feminist face of Zombie Surivor. I raised a half a million dollars from some beta orbiters on twitter to come here and kill Sunday. And become the new star you deserve, a more inclusive, gender queer plus size zombie killer”.

“Fucking bitc-!“ Her voice became a harsh rasping empty thing. She was interrupted by a tight bursting metal noise. She looked back to see what looked like a silver weathervain sticking out of her back.

A wrenching metal sigh and a slick unplugging as the lance came out of her back. It disappeared through the hole it made in the side of the truck.

The freakish hand of Garylynn retracted suddenly. Carpenter looked over at the Frenchman clicking the now empty mach ten at the wall of the truck panting. Carpenter smiled and signalled with his head.

“Out” The mechanical voice said.

They left the truck feeling like they’d been in there for days. Covering their eyes from the sun, coming out the bus like kids caught playing hookie.

The monstrous thing in front of the truck was just stood there breathing. Seething quietly looking up at the top of the truck.

The Lancer stood above them watching with those smiling eyes. He watched as the Frenchman and Carpenter got out.

“The other one too”

Carpenter let out a breathy laugh and went back into the truck. The silence punctuated by the sound of fumbling and reluctant muffled shouting. Carpenter strained as he lifted the chair Murray was tied to over the stairs. Making a clacking noise as the wheels hit the metal and concrete.

“Can you just untie me?” Murray shouted moving the gag out of his mouth.

“Nah” Carpenter said as he wheeled him out.

“You!” The Lancer pointed at the Frenchman, Carpenter and Murray. They all stopped dead and pointed at their chests like ‘Who me?’

The lancer turned to look away from them and at the opponent he’d picked in their stead. “You can go”.

–

Check out the rest of the chapter here.

Execute them!

0

GS2 Chapter 19 ‘You can be the boss’

Hey there,

Not much to talk about, mostly been dayjobbing it and sinking deeper and deeper into general misery and misfortune, which is standard recently. I just can’t seem to catch a fucking break recently.

Although I watched like two thirds of deep blue sea 2 before me and my brother turned it off and decided an hour was enough time we were never getting back from what is essentially a really bad low budget copy of the first film. Part me almost wants there to be a documentary about this movie just to learn how it came about.
Did they win the rights to the name in a poker game, how did this pile of shit get made and why? I really just want to know how this went down and what drugs they were on when they thought this was a good idea.

I’m not saying the first movie was a masterpiece but it was competent with a good cast and decent writing and visuals and budget, this was like a daytime tv remake. So much so it doesn’t need a review because I wasn’t really paying it any attention after the first ten minutes. The acting was ridiculous porno tier, the story was basically the same as the first movie but dumber, the characters were cookie cutter, the sets looked like they were re purposed from a sci-fi movie. It looked like it was made for the scy-fy channel.

The plot is basically they’re experimenting on the sharks and then the sharks overhear them saying they’re gonna kill them all when the research is done and the go berserk, I know it’s fucking stupid. But what’s even stupider is how this is put across is by the shark like looking through a window like “hmm that’s what they think mwahaha”. So dumb. 
It just amazed me how bad it was and reminded me a lot of those movies like sharknado and sharktopus versus gatoroid or whatever and it was actually worse. Because those movies are fully self aware of how awful they are and they just have as much fun as they can with it.
They’re trash but they’re enjoyable trash, deep blue sea 2 is not self aware or funny at all, it’s just trash and I don’t know why it exists or why I even attempted just reviewing it. I’m just so curious as to how it exists. Mind boggling.

Anywhoo back on schedule with regular chapter posts and I’m amazed how long GS2 is, like why? Why is a zombie book so long? That’s just sad. I put so much effort into a book about zombie furfags haha. What is my life?

Ok well enough of that, gotta do some actual work, kinda shitty here because my boiler dyed so I’m just wallowing in my filth and trading in warframe which is more addictive than the actual game. Love life in the crapper as usual even worse than usual actually and I broke my toe because I was so angry that I couldn’t have a shower that I kicked the banister, genius.

But it’s not the first time I’ve had a broken toe, after years of martial arts my toes look like fucking twiglets they’ve been broken so many times haha.

Eh whatever just gonna spam and maybe do some proof reading, now that I think of it I should probably go over the pitch excerpt for Diana after Dark. I went over the other parts last week and really cleaned it up, I found so many mistakes I thought I might legitimately have undiagnosed down syndrome haha. 

It’s really a good thing nobody follows this blog otherwise I would get a tonne of hate mail haha.

See you…

–

“Turn around, slow”

“Who th-“ Murray was cut off by a shotgun barrel poked hard into the side of his head. “Ow!”

“We ask the questions, you do what you’re fucking told.” Roch said through her teeth. She was feeling it, her adrenaline pumping, blood boiling, she wanted to hurt someone.

“That’s right, girls rule, straight white men, die!” Juanita came around the side of the truck. Trying to not look out of breathe as she lugged the giant anti-tank rifle around. Trying to look comfortable resting it on her shoulder.

“Freeze cracker!” Kat screamed trying to sound like a cop pointing her mach ten at him with both hands clasped tightly around it.

Jaclyn had her laptop in her arm, pointing her gun forward but not really aiming at anything. Concentrating on making her face look as mean and serious as possible.

Roch pulled Murray down the steps of the Van and span him around hard against the side of the truck. “Ow” He said “What’s all this about?”

She hit in him in the back of the knee and got close to his face and whispered “We’re asking the questions asshole”.

He straightened up grimacing and said “So ask away”.

“Jacy do we need this piece of shit?” She shouted. Clammily fingering the short shotgun pressed tightly to the back of Murray’s sweaty neck.

“I just need to access his network so we can broadcast our signal piggybacking off theirs so..”

Roch smiled, her blood rushing in her ears. Murray closed his eyes and swallowed hard and said “Fuck me”.

“But we might need him for verification.” She perked up. “We have no idea how many security protocols they have, they could even have iris or voice recognition.”

Roch poked her head out of her bloodlust stupor, Murray squinted.

“I’m just saying. It’d be better if had him and didn’t need him than blew his brains out. Only to discover he’s the only one that can access the network.”

“Err yeah, that’s exactly right” Murray said.

“Shut up” Roch said giving him another little love tap with the shotgun.

“Just bring him inside and sit him down.” Jac said.

“Who died and made you the boss”.

“Just do it Roch” Jac sighed as she climbed the small set of stairs into the mobile hq. She took a deep inhale of breath as she entered. It was everything she hoped it would be although it smelled more like ass and doritos than she imagined. She sat down at Murray’s console moving his mountain dew bottles to make way for her laptop. She opened it up connecting it to the terminal and started to type in command prompts.

Roch lead Murray. A nasty look on her face as she pushed him up the steps. She sat him at another one of the screens in the van on a chair connected to the floor. The van evidently was intended for an entire team of people watching the cameras, budget cuts.

Juanita felt like a million dollars. She was starting to see herself as some kind comic book hero. Fighting some righteous daydream as she dragged her oversized gun into the truck. Parking herself in a seat next to Murray with the gun by her side. Panting and sweating profusely she said “Who’s this guy?”

“He’s their tech guy, monitors all the cameras” Jac said with her back turned typing at her laptop.

“How didn’t he see us coming?” She wheezed.

“He’s just one guy.” She shrugged looking over at the sad sack that was Murray. “There’s no way he could have known we had the kind of tech to ping his signal or the man power to take down his guard team.” She scrunched her face like she almost felt sorry for him. “Plus I’ve been patching into their drone traffic. There’s activity happening all over town, there’s not enough eyes on the ground to keep track of it all.”

“So what now?” Juanita huffed.

“Roch would you mind tying him up and then just guarding the door with Kat? We need someone to keep an eye out.” Jac said with an air of aloof superiority.

“Sure thing” Roch sneered and flounced out slamming the door behind her.

“What the hell your cracker as-“ Kat was cut off by a neat balled up fist tapping her on the nose and knocking her onto her ass. The french man picking and palming the mach ten out of her hand as she fell.

“I’m very sorry.” He said as he looked at her on the floor dazed.

As soon as Roch came out of the truck she was too pissed off to notice the smell of the crazy homeless guy. Which waiting for her at the side of the steps with his back flat against the truck wall.

“Hi” He said cherrily as he snaked a hand onto the barrel of the shotgun. Wrestling control of it away from her and tapping her on the nose with the top of the barrel. She folded like a cheap pic nick table at a heap at the bottom of the stairs.

The Frenchman gripped the mac ten in his hand looking over at Carpenter. Gauging distance and spread.

Carpenter clocked him looking and gave him a cheeky little wink as he cocked the shotgun. Liking his chances.

The Frenchman seethed and slackened his grip on the gun.

“After you, my friend” The Frenchman said.

“I don’t mind if I do.” He smirked.

–

Read the rest of the chapter here.

0

GS2 Chapter 18 ‘Pretty girls make graves’

Good day fine people what is up it’s your boi NAME REDACTED.

Ok so a break up to the usual form just from pure saltiness really. I got super excited by having a chapter of Cur done and somewhat dusted and I can’t wait to get some feedback and people love the first chapter then some middle aged woman is giving me three stars because I spelled Coat of arms wrong haha.
So I was ‘ok bitch well your story better be fucking shakespeare’ and of course its some fucking trashy sci-fi mommy porn with the cringiest dialogue ever. It’s almost unbearable to read, and she seems to think just saying HARD COCK over and over classifies it for the romance section. That aint no romance, fucking some blasian dude over a vr sim hardly puts it next to romeo and juliet haha.

So I rip into this cringefest because it’s so fucking obvious what the plot is and its so badly put together and I always love it when they complain about my reviews. Because I only ever review the first chapter of stories on inkitt because that’s really the time you have to grab someone’s attention. If the first chapter is shitty the rest of the book has no hope, if that’s what you put out first the rest of the book doesn’t stand a chance. And I’m not prepared to waste all my time reading them through if they’re not enjoyable right off the bat.
But these people always whine ‘you can’t say the book is bad if you haven’t read the whole thing’ which is like saying ‘you don’t know the sandwich is full of dogshit until you eat it all’. Yeah no, I knew the witcher blood and elves was shitty under a quarter of the way through but I stuck it out because people said it was good, people were wrong, very wrong.

And I was talking to this person on inkitt and they were saying the second chapter is where it really gets going and I was like ‘Ok so why don’t you make that the first chapter haha?’ And I’m seeing this stuff with apologists for blood and elves too. I literally saw a comment on a negative review saying something like ‘dumbass the story only gets going in book 2’ and I’m like ‘well why didn’t he fucking start with book 2 then?’

It’s maddening, if your story starts at chapter 7 make chapter 7 your first chapter and work backwards because no one is going to make it to chapter 7 especially if your chapters are like 6k a piece. And I’m not going to read chapter 2 if chapter 1 both bored and disgusted me haha.

Ok so if I read your whole book then can I shit on it haha? That’s what I did for blood of elves haha. That’s time I’ll never get back haha.
I’m reading sword of destiny now because I skipped it somehow but it’s just a short story collection like last wish so it’s not so bad. I literally said ‘if Geralt isn’t balls deep in a griffin in the first chapter I’m not reading another page’ and low and behold you don’t actually see him fighting it but when he first appears he’s carrying a dead basilisk under his arm and then a random guy appears and one of his sexy bodyguards decapitates a spotty faced kid for no reason. So it has my attention for now, again I don’t feel the usual pull to read like I usually get because there’s no drive of story, it’s just a rambling short story, it has no real pull of a main plot so I’m not dying to know what happens next like I am when I read Parker or Dexter novels (I really want to read another parker novel haha) actually fuck it I’m going back to the Parker novels, now that I think about it, Parker is probably a better basis for Cur than Geralt, Geralt is sort of  cuck compared to Parker haha.
It’s totally due to the times they’re written in, the witcher is in written in the ‘muh waman respacter’ times of the 90’s post women’s lib and all that shit so the writing is really cucky and the story really focuses on the women in an asinine and also slightly pervy way (Ciri and Yenniffer love to take baths).

Whereas Parker is written in the sixties the women back handing generation haha. It’s much more satisfying haha, yup gonna read Deadly Edge next, fuck the witcher haha.

Ok so updates, not much to go over on the writing front, been dayjobbing it for a while so hopefully next week I can get back to it but almost forgot I got the next part of Diana After Dark back and that’s what I’ll be doing most of the day, just going over that and writing more reviews probably but significantly less savage ones haha.

See you…

–

Birds chirped happily, dogs barked. The sun was growing fat in the sky, smiling down on the snowy mountain town just now rolling out of bed.

A door opened on a suburban house, just missing one white picket fence. A round man in a shirt and tie came out of the door with a big winter coat in one hand and a steaming travel mug in the other. His hair a sheened brown quafe, the sides shaved down. A piece of toast sticking out of his mouth as he rounded the door jam.

He got to about halfway down the end of the drive to his waiting Volkswagen before a sweet voice called out to him.

“Honey, you forgot your briefcase.” A curvy redhaired woman called out to him smiling with high impact cheek dimples.

“Thangs honeybear” He said filtered through his piece of toast. He didn’t have any hands free so he looked around and put his travel mugs on the hood of his car. He cut back across the lawn to get his briefcase. Only to be football tackled by a two hundred pound five foot eight red squirrel.

And then a fox piled on top, and then a green honeybadger and a few others started a frenzied attack. All subtlety had died with master and they’d reverted back to mindless beasts with only one purpose. They’d changed from mind controlled zombie puppets to plain flesh hungry monsters. Ripping and tearing and feeding fresh meat into their furry mouths. Unaware that they could take the masks off. Their real hands underneath their costumes digging deep into their victims chest cavity. Pulling out organs like tickets from an arcade machine. The pain of which could only be maddening, like being gutted by a spoon covered in soft foam.

His wife, frenzied. Spinning into a temporary spell of insanity. Still she had the foresight to slam the door behind herself and lock it to keep the furry menace out. Bracing her wide frame against the door as the two locks probably weren’t enough.

A strange sound like fireworks on a bobsled hitting a dirth of snow hard in her backyard. Confused she went to investigate. Parting the curtains in her kitchen overlooking her lawn.

A strange metallic container had deposited itself in what could have been a rose garden. If it wasn’t so fucking cold here. It was like an alien seed right out of little shop of horrors.

“What the hell is that?”

Seemingly forgetting about what just happened to her husband. Unbeknownst to her, her town was being ravaged by zombie animal costume fetishists. She opened her backdoor and stepped out onto her back lawn to get a better look at this cosmic buttplug.

It was cold but she didn’t much care, the thing was hot and steaming, melting away the top layer of snow. It started to crack not unlike an egg, smoke and steam and a putrid smell leaking out.

“Oh my god”

An odd amniotic substance started leaking out of it. A little brown shape plopped out of the pod and melted the snow down to the frigid grass underneath.

“Is that a, baby?” The woman said getting closer to the still thing on the grass, that did look a little like a newborn fetus.

She got closer and started to brush off some of the fluid with the hem of her blouse. Then she picked it up not sure what to do with it but something nurturing was on her mind.

The ‘Baby’ opened it’s eyes and started to cry. She tried to calm it but it’s entire body shook. Then it melted through her arms into a viscous puddle at her feet growing wider and thick.

She was too stunned to speak, this felt more and more like a dream by the minute, Salvadore Dali on a good day. She stepped back wordlessly from the growing puddle of matter. It started growing larger and more violent. A tempest of matter growing long thick tongues, choosing it’s form, choosing a destructor.

She backed away to the door, the latch frozen shut again. She jiggled it and then the entire door was pulled off at the hinges as she clung to it. A long squamous tentacle dragged her across her lawn into the stationary puddle. More leathery tentacles taking shape enveloping her and well you’ve seen anime, you know where this is going.

–

Pretty girls make graves

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GS2 Chapter 17 ‘Heavy Hitter’

Well here we are again,

Not much has transpired between now and since my last blog, oh I got banned on facebook again for having wrong opinions but that happens so often it doesn’t even bare mentioning anymore. Also I watched thor ragnarok, stupid jokes aside, I rather liked it so don’t feel the need to write a cathartic review about it. I really don’t enjoy gushing over something I like unless it really highlights something pivotal I think the human experience or something artsy fartsy like that.

I only really want to write negative reviews because it feels like I’m exorcising those bad films out of my system by dissecting them. I’m trying to understand what made them so bad and how I can avoid those pitfalls in my own work. And although I could do the opposite with good movies, it’s less fun and funny and I’d prefer to keep the good stuff secret. So you the audience at home will never know why I liked Thor Ragnarok, I know right, it’s a crying shame, everyone is just clambering to know my opinion of a movie that’s already yesterdays news haha.

Besides that I finished to some degree a basic outline for what are set to be five books so far in the Cur series, could be six, it’s still very rough. Also been playing Gwent again, that cursed addiction and I’m thinking of stopping reading blood and elves or just skipping it. It’s probably the most tedious book I’ve ever read.

I was memeing before when I said I was halfway through and the only thing that’s happened is Ciri got her period. Now I actually am at the 150th page and literally all that’s happened is Dandelion got kidnapped for a bit and saved by Yennefer, then Triss goes to Kaer Morhen has some weird visions then they go to take Ciri to a monastery type thing but Triss gets a tummy ache on the way. 

That is literally what has happened in a 150 pages of the second witcher book. He hasn’t met a monster, Geralt, actually no one has drawn a sword in the entire book. I’m not even counting the kidnapping as a fight. And I think what’s more is the writer who’s name I wont even attempt to spell knew this book was boring that’s why he put Ciri escaping Cintra at the start and the Dandelion kidnapping in. So people wouldn’t think that a sequel to a book about a monster slayer was actually a book about a babysitter or a nurse maid, because that’s all Geralt has done so far. 

But what’s worse is those parts at the beginning aren’t even good, the cintra bit was generic fluff I basically skimmed and the Dandelion bit seems kind of superfluous now that I’m halfway through the book and it hasn’t come back at all. 
I really genuinely just feel no drive at all to read this book and I just force myself for ten minutes at a time to read it, which is why it’s taking so damn long to finish, this is without a doubt the longest it’s taken me to read a book ever.

I’m not someone that reads books especially fast, I like to take my time, I sometime reread parts just to fully experience them but I’m pretty consistently devouring books and I get through a far few. And what with putting them on my phone it’s become even easier just to use every free moment to do so, but I don’t find myself wanting to with this crap. I’m just forcing myself to read this filler.

Nevertheless, I’ll continue to slog it out in the hope the next book can redeem it.

I have rambled enough, time to do some actual work, been dying to do the scene structuring for the first Cur book and fingers crossed I might even start writer the fucker some time this year haha.

See you…

_

Zomnision watched the police station station burn. The fires reflecting in his now glassy expressionless eyes. His face was blown out and distended and looked something a kin to a Spanish omelette.

But he was pleased with himself, he wasn’t a fake anymore, he was a real psychic, a god, a zombie god. Accustomed to such, he’d given up walking. Opting instead to lounge his aching exposed joints to a throne of soft furries. Their bodies interlocked by his will. The base of which took their weight. They crawled along at the speed of a caterpillar in the midst of the thousand strong throng of his cult like followers. A sea of colourful characters wreaking havoc across the small town. Striking in unison as if they were a sword in his own hand, organised and merciless and kind of cute.

“Soon” He whispered “First this town, and then the world shall know my power is real”.

A strange disruption, a silver flash, furries flying in the air like an explosion in a build a bear store. Fluff raining down as this slim flash of sliver cut a path straight forward.

“What is that?” Zomnision said.

The Lancer was fast and precise, moving like a sliver of silver caught in an updraft. A living scalpel to cut out the cancer.

“You dare strike at me?”

The furries moved in a wave, surrounding the Lancer. Thousands of them piling all over him, moving as if connected, forming shapes even. Moving like the waves of an ocean battering against the Lancer. Pulling him down.

Zomnision’s face flaps jiggled as he laughed a cheesy comic book villain laugh.

The light forming in the cracks of the furry horde launched them upwards. A splash of them flying through the air like water particles. Fluff and blood and gore levitating for brief flashes. Silver sparks flashing inbetween brief pops of activity. The Lancer climbed the furries. He hopping them as they floated like stepping stones in some vertical zen garden. Cutting a swath closer and closer, an unstoppable immovable object colliding with mortality. A train with no tracks to rend bones to dust.

Zomnision was overwhelmed. His powers burgeoning on godhood but caught with his trousers down. His full potential a glimmer in his eye. The throne he was sitting on started to subsume him. The furries lifted and covered him. Interlocking like some horrible mix between power rangers and barnie the dinosaur. Forming on him like living armour fluffy armor. But it was too late, the Lancer had no time. No monologue would hold him back to witness some final transformation. This was a hurdle, a hiccup to correct before moving on.

He straddled the furry well, bubbling with activity like a rainbow anthill. He reached his metallic long claw deep into the pile. A crunching snapping noise like he was pulling a tooth and it came out spiked on his three pronged claw.

The head of the fake psychic.

The Lancer looked at it and smiled with his eyes. The pile of furry started to crumble and disperse. He walked down it as it collapsed like a poorly made sandcastle. He took the misshapen mushy excuse for a head. Placing it in some kind of sack made of an metallic alloy and affixed to his hip and continued on.

The furries seemed disinterested in the tall silver man. Their demeanors hadn’t changed. No magical spell was caste slaying the head vampire so easily, the effects were the same. They were still dead, sort of, and they were still furries. But now they were regular zombies, hungry and directionless. That was until an ear cracking explosion caught their attention over the horizon.

Suddenly filled with purpose. The now stringless zombie furries shambled in the general direction of the noise.

The Lancer watched them go and let out a robotic tinny laugh.

–

The donut shop was shredded by a large explosion. The giant metal donut on top was still connected on top just a little singed but still standing. The supports of the heavy donut groaning and shrieking under it’s weight.

The cooling barrel of a clip fed grenade rifle smoked in Juanitas hands. She held it in front of her crotch like a giant metal strapon.

“Nita why’d you blow up the donut shop?” Jaclyn screeched.

Juanita was shaking with her eyes closed. Satisfied sweat dripping down her pasty face as she held the giant rifle between her legs. She shook her head and opened her eyes coming out of it and said “Huh o-what?” She got snotty instantly, reaching back for that nasally vocal fry. “That and places like that victimize people of size like myself. Using their biology against them to make them fat”. She was panting a little and she dropped the guns stock to the ground. Holding herself up with it like a crutch and then said “Oh and I call dibs on this”.

Kat was loading up a mach ten looking down the sights of the compact sub machine gun. She cocked her head to the side and said “You can keep it honey, I don’t want anything to do with that thing.”

“Yeah too phallic, and too- black” Roch said as she cocked a pistol grip shotgun.

Kat looked back at her giving her the side eye but Roch didn’t look up as she loaded the compact shotgun.

Jaclyn looked at the large rifle Junita was leaning on. It looked like a huge sniper rifle, almost the length of the girl leaning on it. She differed to the users manual “Copperhead anti-tank rifle” She recited.

Juanita snatched the users manual off her and threw it into the gutter. “No one looks at these, just take this.” She said as she shoved a small pistol into Jaclyn’s hand.

“Wwwwait, I’ve never!”

“Oh stow it, if straight white men can do it then so can you girlfriend.” Juanita said clicking her fingers still leaning one hand on the large rifle.

“I guess.” She said looking down at it. She lifted her head and said “We need to get moving, they’re watching us for sure now. If we want to complete our mission we need to move fast.”

“Ok, but let me fire off another round first.” Juanita said as she lifted the huge gun with both hands burying the stock into her warm sweaty crotch. Gripping it with her huge thighs. “Ooh” She shivered as she stroked up the long black shaft fingering the trigger.

–

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Heavy Hitter

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