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Darkly Dreaming Demographic.

Where weird shit hits bizarre fans.

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racism

Gaffbusters

I know that title is terrible, spurr of the moment I assure. Toying with “Nope-busters” now. Nah it’s too late the moment has passed. Also stole that image from Milo, I hope he doesn’t sue.
Ok, so that happened. I remember looking back and when I heard about this movie, I was sure it was a joke and I think in any other political climate it would have been laughed away. Some exec would have looked at it and thrown it on top of a potential spacejam remake with Ronda Rousey replacing Michael Jordan.
But no, because this whole girl power narrative is so strained today, some absolute moron thought this was the perfect time to delude themselves into thinking they could be funnier than the original cast. And before you jump on me I’m not trying to say women aren’t funny. I’m saying these particular women aren’t funny and they’re not even close to the original cast, who are funny without even trying. And to be perfectly honest if you have to keep telling people you’re funny like the people surrounding this movie are like to do, you’re probably not funny, evoking that Thatcher quote you may remember on being a lady and just telling yourself you are one. The main criticism of this movies comedy I’ve heard is that it tries too hard.ghostbusters-slimed-640x480.jpg
Oh yeah did I mention I haven’t seen it, so this isn’t technically a review. It’s moreover a review of the reviews and I just wanted to clarify I was wrong about this movie.
Originally when I saw that this was actually a thing. I thought it was devilishly clever. Pissing off the old fans, building up press attention and gaining new viewers and revitalising the fanbase. Sort of like dusting off the cobwebs of the old fans and trying to appeal to a new generation and more importantly making shitloads of money on #datmerch.
But it seems like I was wrong. After it had the most disliked trailer on youtube in history. I mean seriously, even the shittiest movies usually have more likes than dislikes and this ratio was insane. People had to be making new accounts to downvote it. And then the whole bullshit over sony deleting comments and keeping misogynist and racist comments to try and shift the blame to “evil” sexists and racists and block out regular criticism.
The trailer was terrible, the new theme song was pretty bad. I didn’t think it was horrible but you couldn’t find anyone more relevent than fallout boy and and missy elliot. Weren’t they popular like in the 90’s?
The reviews I’ve seen have been really bad but due to youtube algoriths that’s probably because it fits into what I wanted to see. Their ratings on sites like rotten tomatoes are pretty average, a fresh rating of like 65% if I’m remembering correctly.  Imdb has it listed as like a 6.5. Seems like a resound ‘meh’. A lot of people saying it started strong and it wasn’t that bad or it wasn’t bad enough to be good and it was just painfully average. I don’t know, I haven’t seen it. I’m sure I would laugh at some of it and truthfully my childhood has been made unrapeable already after the reeming it got from the Robocop remake so come at me bro.Cm80AMbVIAAN0Ij.jpg
I mean how do you make a movie about a cyborg cop boring? He literally does nothing for the first hour of the movie and the villain is just filed away until he needed to die. In the original, he’s literally shooting people’s dicks off in under fifteen minutes. I’m not even exaggerating (possibly exaggerating) I timed it. And the bad guy was the dad from that seventies show and he was fucking awesome!
Back to ghostbusters and the box office is pretty reflective of the previous reviews, it’s average coming out second behind secret life of pets. Projected at about 46 mil in the first weekend. Which isn’t a flop but without the chinese market because of their laws of depicting realistic ghosts (or something) it can’t be shown there. So there might be a signifficant drop over the coming weeks, with them taking a hit internationally.
But can it make back the 244 mil budgeted and the supposed 100 mil marketing budget and turn a profit. Going by the toy sales it looks unlikely.dn42LDR.png
Reports of empty theatres,  merchandise in clearance isles before the movie even debuted. It’s not looking good, so who you gonna call? It looks like maybe the irs.
As I said, I haven’t seen it so I don’t know if it sucks but it probably sucks, no it definitely sucks, but it looks like nefarious shit is going on behind the scenes. The long arm of sony wasn’t above painting all their detractors as hateful racists and misogynists all the hundreds of millions of them. Who’s to say the string of sycophantic reviews aren’t bought and paid for? Sony really has too much to lose on this franchise, with an already plotted expanded universe stretching into who knows how many abhorrent sequels?
But who gives a shit? Maybe this is the start of a cultural revolution that will finally push back against this cash grab remake culure and demand originality and risk taking, but then what would I bitch about in between chapters of my book haha?

Ah it’s too hot to write blogs to today.

Sianora suckahs!

Star Wars the force awakens the internet’s feckless crybabies.

Ok I said I would tackle this ‘issue’ just for fun, this might not be what some were expecting when I said I’d rant about the monopoly thing but who cares, this is my opinion, don’t like it write an angry comment I can ignore and go on with your day.
When I first saw this article I wasn’t that surprised. Recently it seems like the current generation are just prone waiting for the next minor injustice to be offended by. And then let everyone on twitter know what amazing progressive wunderkin they are for being offended at said non-issue first and receive the most pats on the back from their like minded drooling idiot followers.

So down to the ‘problem’ at hand, with the release of the new Star Wars movie, the force awakens. The force was awakened to a bunch of new star wars related crap parents are forced to buy their squealing offspring to secure their love for another year. One such piece of crap was a set of star wars the force awakens monopoly.

So far so good, monopoly, harmless capitalism in a box with a star wars theme, not the first time and probably wont be the last time a new set of star wars monopoly is released. But the ‘big deal’ about this new star wars and this new set of monopoly is that the new main character of this current incarnation of star wars happens to be a carrier of a holey vagina. And that said character was not featured in the set of monopoly, oh shit I should have put a trigger warning in there, I’m sure by now people are foaming at the mouth and snapping their problem glasses in half.

Obviously the internet is in an uproar, over monopoly, no seriously.
“It’s sexist” “Holy misogyny batman” “But the force awakens in Rey!” Wah wah wah, it’s just fucking monopoly, who cares? These idiots care, idiots who inject feminism and gender and race into every stupid fucking thing and just can’t let anything go.

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Here are the offensive monopoly pieces in question as you can see, not a vagina between them, what a travesty.
So the characters from left to right are; Return of the Jedi Luke Skywalker, Finn, Kylo Ren and Darth Vader.
The theme of the board game was heroes vs villains so you have two heroes vs two villains, now this to me is the first point of contention. Anyone who watched force awakens knows there was only one villain because no one counts Ron Weasley’s older brother, Captain Phasma who has like three lines and Darth Golem. They would never make good pieces to go alongside Kylo, who would want to play as Emperor Snoke? He’s not this hugely fleshed out character and he just spends the entire movie sitting down looking menacing.
The thing I think a lot of the internet’s pearl clutchers overlook is the fact that if Finn was substituted for Rey I think the shitstorm would have been equal if not worse, with Black lives matter taking a shit on Hasbro’s lawn and wiping their asses with Chewbaccas face.
Really you’re between a rock and a hard place in terms of representation, and star wars has always been poked at by race baiters and other idiots for having a white character voiced by a black man because that’s racist… for reasons.
But “hold on” say the shrill masses of the internet, “Why don’t they just have Rey and Finn?” Well yeah that would solve all the problems except the two villains required, you can’t just have Vader next to Kylo when Vader is dead in that movie, so you’d have to replace him with Phasma or Snoke.
Bare in mind this monopoly set would have been mass produced months before the movie was even in cinemas so they have no idea how well the movie will do let alone how well characters like Phasma and Snoke will track. In my opinion this is Hasbro trying to straddle two markets to insure themselves against another possible star wars flop. They decided to include Luke and Vader so as to ensure the set would sell even if the movie didn’t because Vader and Luke will always sell you can always bank on the original trilogy making money.It would have been a total gamble not including those original characters.

The other argument I hear is “Why don’t they just make more pieces?” yeah well why don’t they include a dye cast model of the bar scene in mos eisley or a life size model of the yoda training scene in the dagoba swamps? Because it would cost too much fucking money. Every company has a projection for how much money they want to make and how much they’re willing to spend and obviously four pewter figures was the maximum amount they wanted to mass produce per set because four players is the optimal amount for one game of monopoly.
And again if they included Rey who would be her adversary? There’s still only one villain in the force awakens, you can’t just have two Kylo Rens that’s dumb.
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Another ‘controversy’ from kneejerk morons on the internet was over this Millenium Falcon toy because again it doesn’t have the vagina having wonder aboard.
“SEXISM” MUH-SOGGY-KNEES!!!”

Is it though? Notice anything else missing from this piece, ahem, Han fucking Solo perhaps??
Yeah Rey and Han aren’t included because this was made long before the movies came out and probably released before or at the same time as the film and those character’s aren’t included to prevent spoilers for the movie itself. So it’s not that Finn is more important because he’s male because the fucking robot is included but Han is nowhere to be found.
But the bottom line is toys like this are aimed at boys, no matter how ‘progressive’ you are you have to realise not all toys are aimed at every type of child.
Toy companies make money by appealing to a particular demographic and they do this by product testing and market projections. And despite this wave of progressive feminist thought, little boys still like playing with action figures and space ships more than little girls and probably wouldn’t play with a female action figure.
I mean there’s probably the odd one or two male childrem that will play with a female doll and a girl that might like a space ship over a barbie but toy companies don’t make toys for the minority of kids, they make them for lowest common denominator because that’s how you make money.
In conclusion this is just another example of idiots on the internet with dumb agendas trying to push them by ignoring the all the facts and twisting every non-issue into a way that somehow oppresses them for some contrived reason, nothing to see here people, move along.

Thanks as always go to Florian for doing the art on the strip, if you want to see more strips and more of Florian’s messed up art, head to the Jeffrey Dahmer and Greg comic page for more fucked up un-pc humour.

Cheers!

Shameless Flaggotry

I know I’m a little late to the party with this and I sort of already touched on it, well a lot late but I’m running out of comic strips while Florian is taking his extended holiday and I need to blog about some controversial shit. I’m trying to come at it from a different angle at the very least.

I don’t really believe that someone had an Isis cake made when the confederate flag was banned from that shop, I mean I could believe it, America is that dumb. I mean I could see some person making a cake and not knowing what the Isis flag is or what it means and just making a cake thinking it’s for a bar mitzvah or something. The Isis flag doesn’t say Isis on it and it doesn’t have pictures of decapitated heads on it, its just words no one can understand.

So I’d forgive someone for mistakenly turning it into a cake.

What really annoyed me about this issue and what really annoys me to this day is the way Islam is coddled by the left. I don’t really identify with any political movement but I’m definitely left leaning and I’m not religious. To me the way the left treats Islam it’s almost like an abusive spouse making excuses for their abuser. An Islamic attack occurs and they’re the first to shout, ‘he/she didn’t mean it, I was asking for it/I know he/she loves me really’. But as soon as it’s a white guy all white guys are guilty, suffering from a case ‘toxic masculinity’. It’s become socially acceptable to hate someone as long as they’re either white or male. Not just socially acceptable, almost lorded.

I have no idea what point I’m trying to make, just seem to be rambling but I just can’t logical inconsistencies and this constant barrage of ideologies trying to claim an event and use it to propel their own sense of moral authority.

This whole thing with the flag is silly, the people on the left want to take it down because it offends them and they believe it’s a symbol of racism etc and the right want to keep it up because why the fuck not, it’s history. To be perfectly honest I have to agree with them, I personally wouldn’t march down my road in an ss uniform but I’d like to live in a world where someone was free to that without some asshole chiming in saying they were offended. I don’t want to wear an ss uniform I just think it’d be nice to have the option ha-ha.

The idea of banning the flag is ridiculous to me; it’s like going into a museum and asking them to take down the ancient Egyptian exhibit because the Egyptians enslaved Jews. It’s just history and regardless of whether you think the flag is racist or not, you don’t care about what the flag means to other people, the people that like it so why should they care what you think it means?

So a guy who shot people liked the flag, so what, people who like the American/UK/Israeli flag shoot people daily. It doesn’t mean we should ban the flag. It’s no different to me than when Jack Thompson tried to blame the columbine shooting on doom. People just use shootings to propel their own pet project. They just find a shooting and then just savage it for titbits to take out of context or twist to push their particular brand of moralist fascism.

This week it’s a flag, banning a flag, will that stop racism? No, so why do it? I’ll tell you why, because this is just a tug of war, politics has become a petty point scoring, mud sling off, where each side just tries to one up the other, maybe it was always like that and I only just noticed. This flag is just a slam dunk; it’s just a way to piss off the right while the left can remain morally self-righteous and snooty about it, which pisses off the right two fold.

It’s not about racism, a racist person can own the confederate flag but the majority of people that own them I imagine are not racist. There’s a difference between a neo-Nazi and a person that collects ww2 memorabilia. You don’t need to hate Jews to read Mein Kampf, but we live in a culture of witch hunters these last couple of years and guilt by association is their favourite game. If you’ve ever brushed past an anti-semite on the train you’re Adolph Hitler’s cousin, if you’ve ever not liked a post on Lizzy the lezzy you’re a transphobic misogynist racist.

Merely owning a confederate flag makes you suspect, you’re guilty until proven innocent in the court of public opinion.

To quote the wise words of Ben Affleck ‘Eww that’s racist’. Islam is not a race you numpty, nor is it oppressed; it’s the most rapidly growing religion in recent history.

It’s ok for feminists and sjws to hate white men but to criticise Isis would be problematic, and this is the state of moral relativism we live in. We can’t shame terrorists because that’s not trending.
So what should be done in regards to the Isis flag, should we ban that, or would that be racist? If you even have to ask there’s no hope for you, how about we just leave all the flags alone and call it quits?

Cluster Fuckers

Not to be Debbie-downer over here, it’s not the best subject for a comic strip, but after the Charlestown/ton (I could google the right spelling but I don’t give enough of a shit) shooting, the scrambling all over my facebook page was just too delicious not to comment on.

As a not well known giver of fucks, I was happy to write off this shooter as the Gilbert Grape (Yeah I can’t remember if he was DiCaprio’s character or Depp’s and I don’t give a shit, you know what I mean, the retarded one, google it, fuck!), inbred looking motherfucker he was and just say; the kid was a few coconuts short of a spongecake and be done with it. Shuffle the deck, say something reassuring to the people and then go on our merry way pretending this would never happen again.
Of course it’ll happen again, crazy gonna cray’, it’s like trying to stop the tide coming in. We’re little insects shoving each other into these little roach motels, trying to pretend that every human being on earth has their own individual worth. To paraphrase fight club really badly; we all think we’re going to be rock stars and movie stars and we’re gonna fuck super models and drive flashy cars, but its bullshit.

And when people realise how insignificant they really are they want to prove themselves wrong and do fucked up shit like this, to feel powerful, to let everyone know and even themselves that they were indeed alive.

I’m not gonna sit here and say it’s ‘society’s’ fault and I’m sure as shit not gonna blame masculinity or racism (not to completely discount them) and then slap on some voodoo hoodoo snake oil instant fix, a la ‘get rid of guns’ or something else that wouldn’t work.

I just felt like I needed to point out how fucking carnivorous our culture is today that when some lunatic, some idiot, shoots innocent people, the first thing people try to do is blame it on something that propels their pet project.

‘Oh I really don’t like the confederate flag, I think it represents *insert negative connotations here*, oh this crazy guy had it in a photo and he shot people, I can use this to ban it’.

‘What about all the people that have photos taken with it, that don’t shoot people, which are definitely the majority? Look I found a picture of him with a my little pony poster in the background’

‘Wut are you some kind of white supremacist capitalist shitlord??’

(I wait with baited breathe for the day a bronie goes on a killing spree)

I’m not saying the confederate flag doesn’t represent racism, I’m not American and I don’t give a shit, it could be Michael Barrymore’s bath towel for all I care. As far as the interactions I’ve had with it, it seemed like a fairly quaint and idealized symbol of southern American heritage and I associated it with country singers and impractical cars and caravans and terrible hairstyles that defied time periods.

I took it for what it was; just another outdated signpost that didn’t really mean anything until someone wanted to push some agenda.

I have nothing against taking the flag down because I don’t care, what I really have a problem with is this culture of hashtagtivism that just does… stuff. It’s just this opinionated blob of entitled placenta propelling themselves with their own brainfarts to push some bullshit agenda and make their balls/clits swell feeling some modicum of power by combining their butthurt and getting something/anything banned for the ‘THE GREATER GOOD’. As if these nuanceless fucks would know ‘good’ if it slapped its balls against their foreheads.

It’s why I didn’t support the gay marriage thing, I’m not against it, I just don’t give a shit, these movements become less about ‘equality’ and ‘justice’ and more about getting your own way and telling everyone how ‘progressive’ you are while you do it. This whole culture has become a fucking toddler who looks for every opportunity to stomp it’s feet and hold it’s breathe until it’s provided with cake and ice cream. (Yeah I get that’s what I’m basically doing, no fuck you, I saw it first)

And this to me was another example of that.

My facebook feed was just a constant stream of white knights prostrating themselves as if this retard represented all of us and we’d all been complicit and needed to apologise and get ‘I’m not racist, really’ tattooed on the side of our heads. Another gripe I had with the gay marriage thing was the prostration of people on facebook with that fucking rainbow profile pic thing, just  a massive sign on your facebook page ‘I don’t hate faggots’, no one said you did asshole.

Side stepping that, the point I was trying to make was, that this shooting was caused by racism, if you completely lack any sense of nuance at all. If you take out context and any sort of nuance you can look in his room and find a NIN album and blame it on that, maybe he played candy crush and the black candies enraged him. The Christians were saying it was an atheist attack on the church, the gun haters were blaming guns, the race baiters were blaming racists, the feminists were blaming all men, it was a clusterfuck of stupid assholes all chomping at the bit to claim a killer to push their own nuanceless agenda. And it solves nothing but to give these opportunist assholes more power and more money.

Because when you’re trying to push an agenda, you need to focus on that one thing, it can’t be race and mental health, it can’t be toxic masculinity and gun control, it has to be one thing so you can push a solid narrative and get people on board because people en masse don’t like nuance. Having to deal with more than one issue is just too complicated, he couldn’t have been racist and crazy because that stigmatises people who lie about being mentally ill because they claim to be ‘random’ or ‘quirky’.

But hey ho when a gay black guy shoots two white people it’s suddenly, ‘He was mentally unstable’ yeah we know, he shot two people, not many sane people do that. We don’t turn around and say it was because he hated white people or straight people, it could have been the case but I think any sane person would agree it was because he was fucking crazy. He’s not a ‘misogynist’ because he shot a woman; he’s not a ‘racist’ because he shot someone of a different race. He’s a fucking nut job because he shot two innocent people for no fucking reason. And yeah maybe if it was harder for him to get a gun, he’d be a slightly more frustrated crazy person that killed them with a spork and that would be much messier.

What’s the moral of the story? I know I hate this because without actually raising a solution I’m just whining and that makes me no better than social justice whiners hashtagtivist slacktavists but there is no solution, there is no problem. Any student of history can see people are not these docile cow like beings that just chew cud and mill about, we’re vicious little cunts and we’re just settling in to being somewhat socialized, the most benign of domesticated dogs can sometimes bite, a church going mother of six can drown them all in a bathtub.

This is a fucked up world and it’s the people that try to convince you otherwise that think anything can be done. Nothing can be done, because there’s nothing wrong, people have been killing people since they discovered rocks were heavy and brains were squishy. Despite that the murder rate has been the lowest it’s ever been and it’s decreasing, will it ever be zero? No. Would less mass shootings be nice? Yes, would an ice-cream covered unicorn at my birthday party be awesome? That’s just impractical.

There’s nothing that can be done, look at it logically, what solution have people posed? Remove a flag. What will that do exactly? Will it decrease racism or piss off real racists and people who just like the flag? Will it stop shootings or will it profile people who use the flag?

I know this makes people ‘feel’ good, like they’re making a difference, making the world a better place, gives them a raging boner and a little surge of power like they aren’t just sacks of meat on sticks on a ball of dirt, their actions are recorded on twitter for a whole hour. But for the realists like me, the world is and has always been a steaming pile of shit and we are the lucky insects squirming through that mound of warm universal dung savouring all the sights and sounds and smells rushing towards infinity and with that sophistic bullshit I am done.

Also I imdb’d What’s eating Gilbert Grape and DiCaprio’s character was called ‘Arnie’, I dare anyone to say this blog isn’t informative, fucking haters. Peace!

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