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pirates

GS2 Chapter 22 Duck Seazon

Ahoyhoy fellow sailors, it is I, that dude on the internet who writes stuff I guess.

Back again with more inane commentary on random books and other such pointless crap haha

I just watched Deadpool 2 and I said I wouldn’t do a review because I didn’t really have strong feelings about it, I just thought it was ok. But then I went ahead and wrote a review which I cut out of this blog haha.
Just started writing it and I got out a lot of things I thought about the movie had potential. Because one thing I hate more than a bad movie is a potentially good movie which squanders that potential and just descends to the ranks of the average. Be good or be bad but never be average.

So I’ll have that up tomorrow, shit now I’m completely out of content for todays blog haha.

Well from the get go, that new Parker novel is shaping up to be a complete return to form, even bringing back a villain I forgot he didn’t kill haha. Which is rare if you read the other Parker novels. If you cross Parker it usually doesn’t matter who you are, you end up with a toe tag sooner or later. But I guess he let him live at the end because he felt sorry for him. Which is actually kind of the whole theme  of the book he appears in.

He’s basically this loser criminal who manipulates everyone around him, either by just lying and being reverential or being so pathetic you can’t help but pity him. And I think that’s why Parker couldn’t kill him, but in the book I seem to remember it was sort of up in the air, it wasn’t explicit that he didn’t kill him it was just left to interpretation. And my interpretation of Parker is that he would have killed him without question. Parker does not fuck around, if someone is in his way he’s getting out of his way in a body bag.

He’s killed women and children in these books, he’s imprisoned mentally retarded people, he’s shot people in the back when they were running away, one of which was a woman. He gives zero fucks, he’s a cold calculated criminal who will do anything to survive and profit.

But I’m guessing what Stark is going for is that Parker is softening, getting weak, which is a good idea because it adds more tension, more uncertainty. So the power fantasy of being this unstoppable badass is slowly eroding. And this is an intentional thing since the addition of his love interest Claire.

We’re supposed to know she’s a danger to him but not care because he loves her. And that’s the ultimate dichotomy. Because if Parker was 100% this practical cold calculating machine he would never keep Claire, he would have treated her like all the other women in his life after his first wife Lynn. Just disposable.
All this time Parker has gotten by watching others like him fall because they tried to live a dual life. Balancing the two being impossible, so Parker just decided to have no life other than his criminal life making him invulnerable but isolated. But now Claire in a way is his ultimate villain, someone that weakens him but he can’t let go of, risking himself and her.

This book seems a lot bigger in scope and so far I’m really enjoying it.

As far as the witcher is concerned, I’m not really paying any attention anymore, I just turn it on when I’m gaming, the audiobook I mean. The only thing I pick out of it is that every character this guy writes is more obnoxious than the last, especially women. He goes out of his way to make all the women make me want to stab a pen in my ear. They’re just these working ‘hurr durr women can be cool too’ stereotypes, gotta respakt da wamans. It’s just so forced and corny and lame. I don’t mind strong female characters, heck I write a bunch of them, there’s one at the bottom of this damn blog post haha. But I try and steer clear of this mary sue bullshit ‘the women are just as tough as the men’ bullshit, this unearned superiority to men. I can’t stand it really. I kind of try and mock that trope with Sunday but she’s not in my mind this total generic bad ass, she has struggles with herself and I tried to make her more believable as a woman. And not just a carbon copy bad ass. I tried to make her strong but also nurturing and aloof too. I can’t be a judge of how well I did but hey haha.

Now if you’d asking me about my own writing I would get quiet. Hasn’t been the smoothest recently, day job and weather really getting in the way, it’s sort of slowed to a crawl. Can’t seem to muster the same passion I had at the start.

I’m considering a break to write something more fun until I’m in the mood again but I fear what that might lead to. My only option really is to keep plugging away and hope I don’t go mad.

Well there was something at least haha.

See you…

“Is this really necessary? I mean I’m not exactly much of a threat. I don’t even do cardio, my blood is ninety percent mountain dew! I get out of breath going to the bathroom, come on!” Murray cried as Carpenter tied him to the mison mast of the giant pirate ship in the whitefish mall.

He was whistling passing ropes back and forth wrapping him snuggly around his whole body. Murray’s soggy floppy hair hanging down with sweat.

“And why upside down? That’s just cruel and unusual, I’m getting dizzy already.” Murray continued to whine.

Carpenter bent down when he was satisfied Murray was tied tight enough. He got right up in Murray’s face with that harsh oniony breath making his eyes water. Murray tried to get away from that acidic breath burning his eyes but there wasn’t much room for his head to move. Carpenter smiled and said “I don’t want you to get in the way” He laughed and flicked his nose “Landlubber”. He stood up tall with his hands on the hips of his new red coat and pirate hat he stole off the captain of the skeleton crew.

He looked out on at the mall. All the stores, down at the fake concrete pool floor painted to look like a sea and licked his lips.

“Yoho a pirates life for me!” The little girl’s voice said.

He looked up at her, she was in the crows nest dressed as a pirate with a spyglass. “Land ho!” She said grabbing a rope and sliding down to the deck like Errol Flyn.

He put his foot up on one of the cannons and took the spyglass from her looking out at the entrance of the mall. Thousands of zombie furries were slowly pouring in. Muffled gunfire as the far off mercs tried to quell them in vain falling back to the second floor.

“First mate Cecilia”

“Cecilli.” He corrected as he came out of the captain cabin wearing a really tight stripey first mate shirt. His belly comically poking out of it. An eyepatch shifted up onto his beanie and a pair of tight leather pants completed the ensemble. “Why do I have to wear this?” He asked pulling the tight shirt away from his manboobs, giving them some air to breath.

Carpenter grinned like an evil pirate skeleton and said “Because this is your grave”.

“Sir, should we move? The choppers waiting on the roof.” Rigby said to Evergreen’s back. Evergreen watched the furries flood into the mall beneath him, surrounding the ice rink. He breathed and thought about it for a moment. His men on the far side were holding behind their makeshift barricades for the moment. They were quelling the horde with intermittent automatic fire stopping them from reaching the second floor.

“We can hold a little longer.” Evergreen said without looking back.

Rigby made an incredulous face behind his back and said “Yes sir”.

Evergreens hands tightened on the rail of the second floor balcony as he breathed deeply watching. “How will you get out of this one Sunday girl?” He said under his breathe.

“We have to keep moving!” She screamed in TJ’s sweaty ear as she yanked his flabby arm trying to keep him on his feet.

The eviscergrator was rolling back and forth and around the giant icerink. It was watching and waiting trying to run over and mulch them like an old fashioned push lawnmower. It made crunching biting noises as it ran over the ice. If they watched it and waited and were quick and nimble they could dodge roll out of it’s path like a dark souls boss.

But TJ was getting tired of that. He was drenched in sweat and it was making him heavy and cold and his legs felt numb and shaky. He could barely stand up on the ice and Sunday knew it. A chill ran up her spine as she stared into his desperate sweaty face, she sniffed as she could feel it coming on. Tears welling up in her eyes, tired defeated tears on their way in buckets.

If she ever had a chance to live.

He had to die.

The Frenchman let out a mirthless chuckle and said “So you knew the whole time, I’m impressed”.

Carpenter grinned and walked the deck up and down. He plucked a sword out of the hand of one of the skeleton crew and said “Knew what?”

The Frenchman was incredulous, “That I was here to kill you this whole time, you knew?” He pleaded.

Carpenter scratched his beard with the tip of the sword and said “Nah, not until you just said so.” He dropped the sword away from his face and said “Why would anyone want to kill me?” He said without a hint of irony in his voice.

The Frenchman walked up to now naked skeleton captain and took the rapier from his cold dead hand. “You have no idea what I’m talking about do you?”

Carpenter smiled and shrugged like he didn’t care.

“In the last game you killed a very important man’s only son and he- why am I telling you this?” He said cutting himself off. He stumbling forward into an angry thrust of the rapier as if pulled forward by a magnetic rage. The two sword clanking together. Their faces coming close as they locked blades. Carpenter smiling with his stinking breathe.

Read the rest of this chapter on inkitt.

Duck Seazon

Review of Black Gold by R A Sewell

Just got a lovely if a bit cunty haha review for Green Sunday so I thought, what with being a nepotistic shitlord I’d fire back and write a lovely review for the talented author and fellow traveller R A Sewell.

So thar she blows (that has literally nothing to do with the plot nor the quality of the work, I don’t know why I wrote that, probably because it’s a sort of nautical story but I can’t remove it now because I’ve written out this explanation, fuck it here’s the review).

I’m so sorry, I guess this rates my overall maturity level, as soon as I saw the captains name was James Woods, I instantly cast him as the actor James Woods and couldn’t stop thinking about videodrome (hence the odd title of my review).

Just had to get that out the way ha.

Now to the review.

I just read the first chapter so far and I thought the story was pretty good, I don’t usually like when stories get right into the action but this really actually catches you off guard. You almost feel exactly as I imagine the crew of the boat feel, caught completely with their trousers down.
It’s very pulp, with the femme fatal and the visceral violence, I really enjoyed the description of the gun fire and the use of sensory information. You could literally smell the bullets as they were fired and it added a whole new level to the description and put me right in the room.
Instantly it reminded me of a classic action movie from the mid-nineties like Die Hard three or something and that I really enjoyed, I loved that period of gritty, yet slightly campy/pulpy action movies.
The plot I found a little trouble with, not a lot is given to why this happening, I know right, der money but there are hints there that it’s something more with the mysterious tattoo. But I had to mark this a little lower just because I thought the plot was a little contrived, I liked what was happening but how could these terrorists/thieves/nebulous bad guys sneak up on this giant super tanker and take it over in a matter of moments?
Surely they have armed guards on a super tanker or radar or something they could use to detect pirates, it’s not like you really sneak up on someone in the indian ocean, least of all a giant super tanker named the ‘Goliath’, probably crewed by hundred of people, all not watching the horizon or any device that might tell them a ship full of heavily armed dudes is coming to rob them.
I do have faith though that this is probably elucidated on later in the plot but I was a little annoyed that it wasn’t made clear that it was night time at the start of the chapter or listed on the date stamp. I’m sitting here imagining this is all happening mid-morning while they still have croissant crumbs on their shirts you know. Just a time stamp or just a little description of the night would go a long way to setting the scene and adding more plausibility to them being boarded like that without them having a clue.
I loved all the technical language in regard to the boat ‘stuff’, I didn’t understand any of it, but I’m sure somebody who knew anything about boats would, and that’s the point, it’s add something.
Frankly I don’t have much to say about the writing style and the grammar and punctuation, it’s very professional and very competent and it shows what I’m guessing is a lot of experience, so I can’t fault it in the slightest.
The only thing I feel like sticking to you for is fact you didn’t delete the ‘start writing here…’ bit. Schoolboy error mate haha.
I was reading the end thinking ‘Start writing here? they just got on a lifeboat, why are they writing, what?’ then I realised.
It’s not big deal, takes two seconds to fix, I just thought my being confounded at it for a few minutes was slightly amusing.

Overall I really liked it and I would read on and recommend it.

If you wanna read it you can check it out on inkitt by following this glowing title Black Gold.

Cheers.

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