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Bill Murray

The Dead Don’t Die – Review

I’m really biased because I love all Jim Jarmusch movies he sits in this perfect spot between David Lynch absurdity and almost gritty boring realism of I don’t wanna say Tarantino because I already said this about S. Craig Zahler. But I don’t know how to describe his movies, they’re weird but never so weird that they’re unbelievable or downright farcical… until now haha.

He sort of makes weird semi-pretentious movies about nothing but they’re all really watchable and have great dialogue that just keeps you hooked even when nothings happening. Like watch a movie like Down By Law and tell me Jim Jarmusch is a wizard or something, it’s literally just a movie about three people talking in three different sets, that’s it but it’s so watchable and good and I can’t even tell you why. I’m sure if I went back to my film studies class I could tell you why haha.

His movies always really stand out and he doesn’t really have one genre he basically does them all and none at the same time. I mean what would you call Ghost Dog? Is it a samurai movie? A gangster movie? An action movie? It’s all these things and none of them.

I liked the Dead don’t die for a lot of reasons, mainly because it felt like a classic zombie movie or a fifties b-movie. The town that it was shot in was sort of the star of the show for me really, it’s just a really picturesque slice of middle america you only really see in old movies.

The movie feels really real in it’s setting which plays off how ridiculous the movie is and how dead pan the jokes are delivered. Because there are a few jokes but none are really played for laughs, there’s a lot of fourth wall breaking and poking fun at other movies. Like it has this really on the nose political environmental message intended to make fun of how unsubtle the messages are in Romero movies. Basically I guess fracking causes zombies, it’s never delivered seriously, it’s just a gag and for a minute I thought there was a joke about Trump supporters but there’s never any teeth to it where you feel like it’s barbed. It just feels like a prodding, its funny and light and the Trump supporter is played by Steve Buscemi.

So there’s pretty much no other director on earth that could assemble a cast more eclectic and fantastic as this. Tilda Swinton plays basically a parody cross between the bride from Kill bill to an elf from lord of the rings. She’s a scottish samurai mortician, I mean I’m just imagining her getting the script and just saying ‘Yes’ instantly.

Bill Murray, Adam Driver, Selena Gomez of all people, Danny Glover, Tom Waits, Iggy Pop, RZA.

It’s just a great cast for a movie that was really good, like there’s a lot of effort that goes into this movie, it starts off like an old good zombie movie with a long build up of all these different groups of people as the zombies start to roam. It does a really good job of setting up the town it just sort of falters at the end in my opinion, it’s already like an hour forty which is a good length but I think it could’ve done with being the full two hours.

Some of the subplots didn’t really end in a satisfying way and I think a little more time would have fleshed out the ending a little more. I just think the ending came too soon because I was really enjoying the world it’s created and I could’ve stayed in it a little longer. It kinda makes me wish Jim Jarmusch would make his own Twin Peaks and just create this world we could get lost in.

Just checking rotten tomatoes and yes everyone hates it but I liked it and I get that Jim Jarmusch doesn’t really make movies to be good, he just makes movies period. He must’ve just been driving through this town once and liked how it looked and wanted to film a movie there and was just like “What kind of movie haven’t I done?”

I dunno how to feel about it honestly because it’s probably the only thing close to a good zombie movie we’ll ever get and he wasn’t even taking it seriously. He made it just to take the piss out of it as a concept and I love it because it’s literally the type of thing I would do and have done haha.

But it’s just such a well executed movie by incredibly talented people it’s almost sad that it feels wasted but I also think that’s kind of the point. He wanted to get these amazingly talented people together just to make some silly fun schlock and it’s great.

Even if you’re not a fan of Jim Jarmusch, you’ve never seen one of his movies before just watch this, you’ll have some fun at least watching Tilda Swinton decapitating the living dead in a little smart car before she goes back to her home planet, *spoilers* as if it matters haha. The movie has no story but it doesn’t really need one the characters and the town are just so likeable you just want to get lost in them. Well I did haha. I said I was biased, I love Jim Jarmusch movies and shitty zombie movies and this is both.

This review kinda sucks, can’t really get to the core of the issue. I just like this movie and I think it’s necessary, it like sits in this nice little gap between Zombieland and Shaun of the Dead and old school zombie movies like Zombi and Night of the living dead and totally sort of wrecks Planet Terror or grindhouse or whatever that crap was called.

I dunno, I get why people would hate it but just go see it for yourself, there’s nothing quite like it.  Say what you want about Jim Jarmusch movies, you will be entertained whether you like it or not.

Gaffbusters

I know that title is terrible, spurr of the moment I assure. Toying with “Nope-busters” now. Nah it’s too late the moment has passed. Also stole that image from Milo, I hope he doesn’t sue.
Ok, so that happened. I remember looking back and when I heard about this movie, I was sure it was a joke and I think in any other political climate it would have been laughed away. Some exec would have looked at it and thrown it on top of a potential spacejam remake with Ronda Rousey replacing Michael Jordan.
But no, because this whole girl power narrative is so strained today, some absolute moron thought this was the perfect time to delude themselves into thinking they could be funnier than the original cast. And before you jump on me I’m not trying to say women aren’t funny. I’m saying these particular women aren’t funny and they’re not even close to the original cast, who are funny without even trying. And to be perfectly honest if you have to keep telling people you’re funny like the people surrounding this movie are like to do, you’re probably not funny, evoking that Thatcher quote you may remember on being a lady and just telling yourself you are one. The main criticism of this movies comedy I’ve heard is that it tries too hard.ghostbusters-slimed-640x480.jpg
Oh yeah did I mention I haven’t seen it, so this isn’t technically a review. It’s moreover a review of the reviews and I just wanted to clarify I was wrong about this movie.
Originally when I saw that this was actually a thing. I thought it was devilishly clever. Pissing off the old fans, building up press attention and gaining new viewers and revitalising the fanbase. Sort of like dusting off the cobwebs of the old fans and trying to appeal to a new generation and more importantly making shitloads of money on #datmerch.
But it seems like I was wrong. After it had the most disliked trailer on youtube in history. I mean seriously, even the shittiest movies usually have more likes than dislikes and this ratio was insane. People had to be making new accounts to downvote it. And then the whole bullshit over sony deleting comments and keeping misogynist and racist comments to try and shift the blame to “evil” sexists and racists and block out regular criticism.
The trailer was terrible, the new theme song was pretty bad. I didn’t think it was horrible but you couldn’t find anyone more relevent than fallout boy and and missy elliot. Weren’t they popular like in the 90’s?
The reviews I’ve seen have been really bad but due to youtube algoriths that’s probably because it fits into what I wanted to see. Their ratings on sites like rotten tomatoes are pretty average, a fresh rating of like 65% if I’m remembering correctly.  Imdb has it listed as like a 6.5. Seems like a resound ‘meh’. A lot of people saying it started strong and it wasn’t that bad or it wasn’t bad enough to be good and it was just painfully average. I don’t know, I haven’t seen it. I’m sure I would laugh at some of it and truthfully my childhood has been made unrapeable already after the reeming it got from the Robocop remake so come at me bro.Cm80AMbVIAAN0Ij.jpg
I mean how do you make a movie about a cyborg cop boring? He literally does nothing for the first hour of the movie and the villain is just filed away until he needed to die. In the original, he’s literally shooting people’s dicks off in under fifteen minutes. I’m not even exaggerating (possibly exaggerating) I timed it. And the bad guy was the dad from that seventies show and he was fucking awesome!
Back to ghostbusters and the box office is pretty reflective of the previous reviews, it’s average coming out second behind secret life of pets. Projected at about 46 mil in the first weekend. Which isn’t a flop but without the chinese market because of their laws of depicting realistic ghosts (or something) it can’t be shown there. So there might be a signifficant drop over the coming weeks, with them taking a hit internationally.
But can it make back the 244 mil budgeted and the supposed 100 mil marketing budget and turn a profit. Going by the toy sales it looks unlikely.dn42LDR.png
Reports of empty theatres,  merchandise in clearance isles before the movie even debuted. It’s not looking good, so who you gonna call? It looks like maybe the irs.
As I said, I haven’t seen it so I don’t know if it sucks but it probably sucks, no it definitely sucks, but it looks like nefarious shit is going on behind the scenes. The long arm of sony wasn’t above painting all their detractors as hateful racists and misogynists all the hundreds of millions of them. Who’s to say the string of sycophantic reviews aren’t bought and paid for? Sony really has too much to lose on this franchise, with an already plotted expanded universe stretching into who knows how many abhorrent sequels?
But who gives a shit? Maybe this is the start of a cultural revolution that will finally push back against this cash grab remake culure and demand originality and risk taking, but then what would I bitch about in between chapters of my book haha?

Ah it’s too hot to write blogs to today.

Sianora suckahs!

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