Kinda went into this movie with no expectations, I don’t think I even watched a trailer and overall I can say it’s a very flawed movie, but altogether pretty good. I enjoyed it pretty much throughout although some niggling things stuck out to me.
The plot is pretty basic, and one of the biggest problems I had at the start is the start. It starts at the start and people are like ‘so, isn’t that where you’re supposed to start?’ yeah I guess but usually when you have a movie set in this completely alien anime world you need a lot of exposition and world building and that takes time and it can be a little boring to slog through which is why you don’t usually start your movie with that.
So the start of the movie is this weird twenty minutes of pretty boring exposition dumps and world building where Christoph Walz finds this robot head and brings it back to life and introduces it to the world and what not which is this semi fish out of water narrative. We’re introduced to the world by her experience of it.
It works but it feels like it’s rushing to get this exposition out but also there’s nothing actually happening. But eventually you get to an action sequence and it was pretty good, I like the action, the level of violence is pretty awesome and they get away with that and keeping it 12a I guess because it’s robots. Because if this was people it would be an 18 for sure because she straight up kills people. People are decapitated and maimed throughout and it’s pretty cool because even though they’re all cyborgs they have human faces and attributes so it’s not like that crappy robocop reboot where he’s just fighting faceless drones.
The thing is if I wrote this I’d have tried to put this action sequence at the start and then when you’ve got the audiences attention you subtly drop the exposition in flashbacks or something. Because setting the relationship at the start with Christoph walz’s character dates it. You see their relationship in real time and there’s no gap to fill yourself. If you left it to a flashback it implies they’ve known eachother longer so they can care about eachother.
The acting is ok, the writing is ok, the effects look alright, I have no real complaints with any of it, it was a solid if a little predictable. But predictability doesn’t make a movie bad if what you predicted is fun and interesting, which this movie most certainly is.
Honestly my biggest gripe with this movie is that it’s a movie.
I just got this niggling feeling that it would’ve worked so much better as a tv show on amazon. It wasn’t a particularly long movie but it felt like a lot of it was trying to cram as much stuff into one movie as possible and I feel like some of it was crunched and some of the scenes feel more episodic than in a typical movie formula.
A tv show would’ve really let the plot develop nicely and in a more organic way and it wouldn’t have left us with an ending which felt sort of flat. And it could’ve easily been converted to a tv show since most of the main cast are already relatively unknown television actors, you’d just need to snip the bigger names like Walz and Jennifer Connolly, two actors which if I’m being honest brought nothing of note that justified their casting. I could easily see their roles being played just as well by someone much cheaper and less well known to satisfy the budget of a tv show instead of a movie. I know people like Christoph Walz and I like Jennifer Connolly because I love rocketeer and the original hulk but are these really big names that put butts in seats? Not really.
Overall I liked it and I liked some of the cameos like with Jeff Fahey playing the awesome cyborg dog bounty hunter and Nova being played by Edward Norton. But these characters just make me want this to be a tv show even more. If this were a tv show that cyborg dog guy could get his own episode or even an arc not just a five minute scene. That’s what I hate about this movie, it has so much potential I feel like is being wasted just to cram it into this hunger games style movie template because that’s what they think will make the most money.
To be honest I think the hunger games model is played out since most those trilogies just sort of fizzle out and we had this slew of teen movies after which tried and failed to emulate that. I just want to watch a full real satisfying movie with a beginning middle and end and not have to watch a sequel or a trilogy or just a non movie. I really really want to not have the only real complete movie I’ve seen this year be about a talking yellow electric rat.
Yeah I know this movie was last year I guess, like I go to the cinemas anymore. If you go to the cinema these days you’re an idiot, there’s just not enough decent movies out there these days to justify it when you have streaming services. You pay once or a monthly fee and you get to churn through all this garbage looking for the hidden gem in the comfort of your own home, what’s not to love?
Genuinely not shilling haha.
I don’t have much more to say about except I really enjoyed it, the action was super cool, I liked all the characters and the feel. It has this weird cyberpunk nineties feel which I really liked. Even down to the main love interest guy, who has this nineties haircut that makes him look like the kid from Hocus Pocus.
At it’s heart Alita is basically a love story, and not a bad one honestly. The romantic stuff wasn’t cringy or forced, it just could’ve developed better over a series of tv episodes instead of in an already cluttered movie. But it’s refreshing to see a romance in a movie these days that doesn’t feel forced. I liked it, I liked the characters, I think it all worked well. The overall plot is bog standard ‘get to the place’, the plot is completely ancillary to the characters honestly because it feels like scene to scene is more episodic.
In summary just a fun, cool movie, might be a bit violent for kids but it’s worth a watch for sure and I hope it gets a sequel, I heard it did pretty well in china so it might be getting a few more.
I was busy yesterday so no blogging could be achieved and I probably wont have new content next week because I’m working a lot but hey gotta make that bread right.
More starship troopers stuff, I keep seeing that meme going around that they’re making a new tv show but I don’t see any development, I think it was like I thought. It’s just someone trying to meme it into reality, it’s not actually happening. I really hope it doesn’t happen because obviously I dream of making it myself, but I know no one else but me will do it justice.
I know it’s going to be super progressive woke garbage and won’t do the original source material justice. It’ll just regurgitate the stuff from the movies to pay lip service to them and completely shit on the book.
Oh that reminds me I just got a horrible taste in my mouth because netflix just released the cast for the cowboy bebop live action tv show and it’s even worse than the witcher, oh my fucking god, how do they keep getting away with this?
Jet and Faye are ok but who cares about them? Spike is who matters and there’s no sugar coating it they literally hired Harold from Harold and Kumar to be Spike fucking Spiegel. An asian actor who has no martial arts experience as far as I know, but does Spike Spiegel sound like an asian name?
Cowboy Bebop always played the racial card close to the chest because these are people literally being born and raised on other planets. Spike is a martian literally, and his influences are obviously western and he’s based on an asian cop character as far as I know and Bruce Lee. So I mean by all means make him asian as long as you get an asian who has martial arts experience and can do Jeet Kune do.
Don’t hire a random asian guy from fucking stoner comedies that suck.
The problem we have is that there aren’t really any martial arts actors anymore, outside of the guys from the raid and Keanu reeves (Who would’ve made an excellent spike when he was younger). Martial arts movies aren’t really a thing anymore in the west. Action movies aren’t even really a thing. All we have are these sterile castrated comic book movies that are just glorified kids movies that appeal to perpetually stunted adults.
Which should be right up my alley right? Wrong.
Gone are the days Arnie engages in strangely philosophical action killing sprees, now he just makes movies that mock those movies.
Big block buster movies aren’t made for adults anymore, even the deadpool movies weren’t really for adults, they were just the same childish shit dialed up to 11 with no filter. Logan was what we really wanted and what the comic book movies could have been if the people who made these movies gave a shit about anything other than making stinking piles of money.
I gotta stop because I could rant about this for days and I really need to do some proof reading since I lost yesterday.
EXT. Terra in a park. Day
A couple of MI troops approach a bunch of kids. One of the troops holds up his weapon.
A fully automatic
, who wants to hold it?
The kids jump up and down shouting.
ME! ME! ME!
The soldiers chuckle to themselves happily as they watch the kids fight over who gets to hold the gun.
Citizen rule, fighting together for a better tomorrow.
They show one of the kids how to aim it and hold it.
They start handing out bullets to touch.
InT. a federal missile silo.
A giant missile is moved on a rail system.
It’s big it’s deadly and everyone has an opinion on the new Q bomb!
VOICE OVER (
Experts worry about the ethics of a bomb so powerful it can crack a planet.
We see a graphic
of the bomb blowing up a whole planet.
EXT. terra outside a courthouse. Day.
A middle aged politician addresses a camera with his aides behind him as he descends the steps of a courthouse.
The creation of a planet that can destroy an entire planet is a dangerous precedent for the entire human race.
InT. interview room. Day.
We cut to an interview with Murray Rosenthal credited as an expert in a graphic.
What people fail to realize is how many planets there are, would any average citizen even notice if one were missing?
EXT. outside a federal building. Day.
A video of an explosion at a federal building.
A bombing earlier today injuring many on federal service men is believed to be at the hands of the terrorist organization know as the Gonneck peace movement.
ExT. outside a courthouse. Day.
A video of a fat man in a wheelchair with meddles on his chest is holding up a peace sign board and shouting into a megaphone.
This man Elmo Gonneck, head of this movement is wanted for questioning.
Get that camera out of my face.
If you see something, say something, you could be in for a big fat reward.
InT. a studio. Night.
In a studio two academics are having a disagreement about the treatment of the
Federal scientists grapple with the moral issues surrounding the pacification of the
The way we’ve treated those poor creatures is barbaric, it’s inhumane.
Are you listening to yourself?
It’s right there in the middle of the word ‘inhumane’.
The word you’re looking for is ‘human’.
They’re not human, they’re alien and they’re a threat.
My research states that they’re a peaceful race of people and they deserve the respect…
and they don’t ‘deserve’ a damn thing and frankly I find it offensive you’d even suggest such a thing.
No real explaination what that means, I asked but everything she said just sounded really unsatisfying and wishy washy to me. Like she’s pissing me off and then turning around saying ‘this is why’ like punching someone in the face and saying ‘wow bro chill, I just punched you in the face’.
I dunno, I’m just talking shit I guess, I’m not so much sad as just disappointed because I really saw potential there and she said she did too until just recently, over this minor spat.
I lost so much over this, a whole person, a whole future and it just seems like so much of a waste compared to what it could have been. It’s over before it even began.
Losing that was heart breaking and the only thing that made it better was imagining a future with someone that wouldn’t do that to me, that wouldn’t be so callous and cruel and take away something so important. And now that’s gone, before it even really began and I don’t understand why.
But I suppose it’s to be expected.
Got some more of that wacky clown anime action stuff I guess haha.
I dunno I’m kinda just fucking around right now waiting for inspiration to hit me and jump start my next big project while also thinking seriously about getting Diana off the ground and grinding my teeth waiting, endlessly waiting.
I got older recently haha, I won’t say how old but it started me thinking about some things and also I went to the doctor finally to get a referral to see if I actually do have aspergers. And those two things colliding got me thinking even harder about the paths I chose and whether or not I chose them at all, or maybe I just fell into them and that’s why I’m in the hole I am right now.
I was thinking to myself about the choices I made in the past and my dreams and fantasies I had about myself. Because I always wanted to be a writer, ever since secondary school but I told myself I would be a character from a book before I wrote them. So I tried to go to the root of all awesome characters and join the army and it didn’t go well.
I mean some stupid thing stopped me, just one stupid thing I said completely changed my path and I can’t say for the worse because thinking about it now I don’t see how I could have ever made army life work. I mean I think I could have but knowing what I know or I think I know about myself now I don’t think I have the social skills to really be an effective part of a unit. I’ve always been a loner, I’ve always sort out my own space or felt alone even in a crowd and just wanted to get behind a locked door as soon as I could. And I think the aspergers thing might explain a lot of that.
But I always cherished the people that would force me to go outside and interact with people and hated them too, pushed them away if I could, isolated myself. I just can’t help it, I feel bad about it but it’s just in my nature. I can’t wait to see people I cherish but also in the back of mind I’m relieved when I don’t, I’m at peace when I’m alone. I’m happy when they’re with me but I also can’t wait til I’m alone with my thoughts again.
Loneliness terrifies but I also crave solitude on an instinctual level.
Even in the job I work now, it was initially customer facing but somehow I managed to transform it into a job where I’m alone most of the time but still making more money. Basically just through an anal level of attention to detail I made my own job and made myself vital in some sense to the organisation at my work. I completely removed myself from customer interaction to essentially focus on the engine of the business itself, like the wizard of oz working the levers behind the curtains, you don’t see me but you feel my presence when things are going right.
I just don’t know how that would translate in any other job because that’s what I’ve been thinking about, facing the reality of this THIS not working out. If Diana flops I can’t see the validity of continuing on really because I completely lack the part of my brain that would give me the social skills to craft my own fanbase and I don’t have the clout or the right hook to find an agent to do it for me.
I could keep lying to myself and just blindly keep carrying on until I’m dead and one day someone unearths my work and so desperate for story uses it to make some shitty movie. But now I don’t know because soon enough the world I came to know, this comfortable bubble I exist in will pop and I’ll be all alone and have to abandon it just to eat and stay warm and moreover there’s someone I NEED to see. Someone I NEED to be known and remembered by.
And sadly I need money to do that, a lot of money.
I don’t know who to trust or who to take advice from, nothing seems to make sense, but I feel a change is coming and everyday it gets harder to see the future and I just feel its crushing weight upon me and all I can do is tell myself everything will be ok, but by what standard?
I know I’m lazy, I know it’s pathetic and I know only I can make a change but I don’t know what path to take and it’s so much easier to sit and wait for an opportunity that might never arise to come.
I want to be with the ones I love but I also crave being left alone in this hole I made myself and I hate myself for feeling that way, I fucking hate feeling like that. It’s like being a vampire who craves the light but loves the dark too much to leave. Terrible analogy, I suck at analogies as always.
I just don’t know what to do and I feel like all I have to do is wait, but for how long?
Who can say?
I mean this whole thing is not so much for you as it is for me, I have no one else to talk to so I’m sort of talking to myself, trying to understand how I feel about it and I can’t tell if it’s helping.
Anyway I can’t keep harping on about this, getting nothing more than this done today will just exacerbate the problem of not feeling like I’m making good use of my time on this earth and then worrying about whether that contribution is really worth anything.
The night was uncommonly warm and seemed to hum with an unnatural energy, an electricity which vibrated the ground. It was dark as dark could get. Years of pollution had dulled every star and the night sky was a pitch blanket. But still glowed with a vile orange effulgence that made it almost possible to see the outline of every rock and tree. Just barely.
There was no doubt someone was watching him, Pookie could feel eyes on him. Efron was following him with the little candle from the shack. “Put out that light” he whispered.
“Just do it.”
The little girl blew the candle out and let the darkness take them for a ride. Their eyes adjusting to the radiant glow of the orange night. There was a light, a dim echo of one strangled to a fine point. They passed several dark shacks like the one they awoke in. Pookie was still and quiet and listened for breathing, farting or any movement at all but surmised they were all empty.
As they got closer to the light they could see that it was coming from an opening in a small cave. The cave was little more than a hole in the ground that lead down under a large slab of rock.
“Are we going in there?” Efron whispered.
“It would be a pretty boring plot point if we didn’t” Pookie said.
“You could call it ‘subverting expectations’” Someone behind them said.
They both turned together to see someone grotesquely lit by the dim torch light of the cave and they froze stifling a shriek.
But it was just Canard.
“What are you doing here?” Pookie whispered emphatically.
“I got bored”
“How did you sneak up on me with one leg?”
Canard grinned and let his head loll to one side. “Buddy I could sneak up on you with no legs”
“That would be pretty easy actually, like squirming on the ground like a worm.” Efron chimed in trying to get between them, standing on her tip toes.
Pookie glared at him and Canard glared back.
“You can’t hear that, that humming noise?” Canard broke the brittle silence.
“I thought that was just my ears ringing” Pookie said wiggling his little finger in his ear trying to get the irritating noise out.
“I hear it too” Efron said, her eyes wide and excited by the cool night air.
“We going in or not?” Canard said.
“After you” Pookie said, his eyes locked on the deadly bird.
“Be my guest” Canard retorted returning the icy glare, retreating back into uncomfortable silence.
“Weeeee” Efron said as she ran into the cave waving her arms like an airplane.
They followed her into the cave shushing her as they went.
Inside the cave it was predictably dark but less dark than outside as it was lit by some fire deeper down in the cave.
The followed the glow which had started out a white yellowish colour but was getting more green as they made their way deeper into the cave. The heat too was becoming unbearable and the humming sound was all around them.
They made their through a small alcove which opened onto an outcropping overlooking the main chamber.
The main chamber was a grand irregular dome shaped room lit by a huge bonfire. The bonfire glowed and burned violently with a green flame rising almost to the ceiling. But strangely producing almost no smoke and what smoke it did produce was ventilated through a small hole in the roof of the cave.
Hundreds of cloaked figures knelt around the fire. The strange humming noise was now revealed to be coming from them. They droned in a form of odd ritualistic chanting that was completely unintelligible. But sounded something like a girl in a tentacle porn hentai saying ‘no’ over and over again. And then something that sounded like someone trying to say ‘chicken fingers’ while sneezing.
Pookie et al ducked behind the outcropping of the irregular stone to watch in bemused astonishment.
“What are they doing?” Efron said.
“Err” Pookie said as he stared intently at the shifting throng as they gyrated strangely.
One figure emerged from the crowd dressed almost exactly the same as the others but with his hood down and walking with a long stick. He walked seemingly with some difficulty as if his legs weren’t fit for walking on just the two anymore. He ascended a raised carved stone podium backed by a makeshift fence of some sort made from scrap metal, consisting of road signs and tar.
He turned to his flock, his face seemed to glow green and his grey hair too, what was left of it shone unnaturally in uneven tufts on his head. A big set of moist bug eyes in his head looking everywhere and taking up most of the space on his wet looking face darted around the room.
The crowd hummed with excitement and the torches flickered.
“THE DAY OF PROPHECY HAS COME!”
“That’s what you said last week!” A heckler at the back said.
“WHO SAID THAT?!” The man at the podium said narrowing his bulbous eyes. “I thought as much!” He said as no one came forward to claim their remarks.
“I KNOW SOME OF YOU ARE TIRED, IRRITABLE. WAITING FOR THE ONE THAT WOULD BRING US UP OUT OF THIS EXISTENCE AND ELEVATE US TO OUR RIGHTFUL PLACE AS GODS OF THIS WORLD!”
“TOO LONG WE’VE BEEN DOWN HERE KEPT ALIVE ONLY BY THE GLOWING RIVER OF LIFE THAT RUNS THROUGH OUR VILLAGE. IT’S HEALING POWERS MAKING US STRONG AND EXTENDING OUR LIVES AS THE WATER RUNS THROUGH OUR VEINS.”
“FOR HUNDREDS OF YEARS WE’VE WAITED AND WATCHED AS THE ONES ABOVE LAYED WASTE TO THIS WORLD.” He paused and scanned the crowd as if it was them that had done it.
“THE RAIDERS, THE MONGRELS, THE MARAUDERS AND MADMEN AND OF COURSE- THE CLOWNS”
“WHILE THESE GANGS OF WAISTRELS DESTROYED, RAPED AND PILLAGED JOINING FORCES TO TURN THIS WORLD INSIDE OUT. WE WAITED HERE FOR THE ONE WHO WOULD BRING US THE KEY TO OUR SALVATION.”
“AND THAT TIME IS UPON US!”
The crowd cheered uproariously at this as he swept them into a frenzy.
“WITH THIS GIRL, WE WILL MARCH ON THE SURFACE ONCE MORE” The strange man jeered and lifted Efron up as if she was Simba in the lion king.
“Wait what?” Pookie said looking over at the space Efron was just in now vacant.
“Huh?” Canard said also noting her absence.
If you wanna checkout the rest of the chapter or more weird stuff head on over to my inkitt page. Taint no sin