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Where weird shit hits bizarre fans.

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Just a general update, I couldn’t really be bothered to post another chapter but I realised I hadn’t got down to any updates and I got a little sidetracked today.

So GS2 is done as you may know, working through the initial proofread now and it’s looking good, got the initial art started for the cover, editing can start soon.

GS1 is selling pretty well coming from a no name, got lots of nice reviews barring one from a disgruntled co-worker of mine who shall remain nameless and I will punish in due time. Got a sale coming up soon and the audiobook is in the pipe. GS2 should follow shortly after that, maybe a month or two after.

Two more podcasts spots on the way, going back on Zombiecast on the 29th of this month to talk about the launch, had to bribe the host of that with a free signed copy. And another spot on the 1st with the Zombie radio network, or one of their affiliates.

But more importantly and more excitingly. The plan for my Dexter spiritual successor was done as of last week and I’m going to be reviewing it and starting work on it tomorrow if the mood hits me and I’ve got a sneaking suspicion it will hit me, very hard.

Still don’t have a name downpat for it now, the working title is ‘Lovingly Crafted Lila’ but I started having doubts about the name and I was considering changing it to ‘Daisy’ or ‘Diana’ goddess of the hunt. I like Diana because of the roman/greek mythology etymology but I like Daisy just for how unassuming it is. To have a female serial killer named after a princess from mario haha. I went with Lila originally harkening back to that horrible character from Dexter, I think it was season 2, when they tried to turn the dark passenger into like a drug. Needless to say none of that was in the book and I found her character sort of pointless and annoying and that’s when the show sort of started to go downhill as it took a dive off the established ship of the books into uncharted waters of a bunch of monkey’s at type writers in LA.

I was also thinking of setting it in LA maybe, as a wink and a nod to the show and because setting it on miami would be too on the nose and because I’m an brit, I really can’t get a feel for either places having never been to them. Setting it in England was a possibility but it just doesn’t ring true and what american wants to read a book set in England? I’m English and I don’t want to read a book set in England. And to be honest, what do I even know about England, sure I live here, but what is it really to live in England, or a particular town, I don’t know and moreover who would care?
So it has to be america.

Back to the name. I went with Lila because it was similar to Lily-anne the name of Dexter’s actual child from the book but I kept thinking about Lila and how I was afraid I’d turn my character into her and that put me off and I prefer the ‘D’ sound anyway.

I’ll leave it for now, and maybe ask some people who’s opinions I trust.

Anyway, that’s pretty much it, just excitement mixed with extreme trepidation. This is the hardest part for me. The start, staring at a blank page, summoning up those emotions to paint that blank canvas, bring it to life. It’s kind of scary, but in a good way and then you get going and it just sort of flows.

See you…

As promised, GS2 Art for your eyeballing pleasure.

Just some of the concept art for the new book. I wanted to go for something a lot more ostentatious this time. Because this book, frankly is fucking crazy, like off it’s tits on speedballs cheesegrater cyborg crazy.

So before I sort of went with a simpler starker look, which I really liked, I think it really stands out. I mean fuck it’s the reason I even have a publisher. My publisher just saw it and thought it was dope and then read my book and thought that too was dope, so here we are.

Got a few more sketches below. I kind of like all of them, I really have to toss this about in the old coconut because I kind of want a mash up of all of them honestly. I just need some time to feel things out.

Ok fuck it, GS2 Chapter 3 ‘Heroes of the Wild’

Ok enough with that sappy, life falling apart bullshit, we’re getting that out of the way, I’m getting out of my own way (I don’t know what that means, it just sounds good) and getting down to some real work here.

So here we go, another unedited, untested, raw chapter of Green Sunday part 2, for your viewing pleasure.

Also shit yeah, lots of updates, already I have cover sketches and shit, and they look awesome and yes they’re going to be at the bottom of this blog, actually no, I changed my mind, I’ll post them tomorrow. 

I was just thinking this would be too packed, with the chapter and the cover stuff and I could stretch it to two blogs instead haha.

Just the chapter now, we’ll do the art tomorrow, sound good? I thought so.

So here it is, chapter 3, (it says 4, there was a prologue, they don’t count.)

Link to the full chapter as always below.

Heroes of the wild

 

“Hi, I’m err, Mr Fuzzles.” Fuzzles the purple cat swallowed hard. His throat was dry, palms sweaty, mom’s spaghetti, riding low in his lower intestine, making him feel a little bloated. “Err what’s your name?”

The unicorn girl turned around and said in a sweet voice “My name is Sparkles, nice to meet you.”

“Hi, err, I was wondering if you’d like to, go for a walk with me?” Fuzzles said scratching the back of his big purple head as he trailed off at the end.

“I dunno, I don’t think it’s a good idea to leave the convention centre, it might not be safe.” The unicorn said bouncing slightly and pressing her hooves together.

“Oh well I would protect you, this cat has claws rarrrr” Mr Fuzzles said play slashing the air with his claws.

Sparkles giggled holding up her hooves to her snout and said “Well if you put it like that. I have no choice but to walk with you.”

“R-really?” The man dressed as a purple cat said. “Great” He said as he put his paw out to receive her hoove.

The girl dressed as a sparkly white unicorn put her hoof in his paw and they walked towards the main entrance of the whitefish convention centre.

“Get the fuck out of my way, furry freaks!” Zomnision shouted as he pushed them apart barrelling into the main convention hall. The convention floor was decked out with banners for the annual furry convention. Men and women dressed as various animals real and imagined, some in giant diapers for some reason, having the time of their lives. In a space they felt safe and secure surrounded by people just like them.

“What’s his problem?” Mr Fuzzles said as he got up and helped Sparkles to her feet.

“I dunno but he looked kind of sick to me.” She cooed softly.

Zomnision staggered, sweating, barely keeping on his feet, “Fucking fuck, what the fuck? I can’t, I can’t keep it in anymore!” He could feel it building, pressure. He let it slip a little bit pushing past a pack of silver wolves. They were standing in a queue for one of the booths selling oversized furry sunglasses. Little squeaky farts and burps he couldn’t keep in. Something was growing and multiplying inside him at a rate he couldn’t control. His vision was a blurr of sweat and fur. “Someone call me an ambulance!”

“You’re an ambulance!” Some anonymous idiot shouted.

“Is that guy on drugs?” A golden marmacet man said.

“What’s with the weird swammy get up?” A mauve giraffe asked.

“Is that cultural appropriation?” A rhinestone pequin in a giant foam cowboy hat said.

“That outfit is kind of racist” Someone said in a valley girl accent.

He fell slamming right into a black wolf with red highlights and bondage gear on. He was holding up a sign that said ‘FREE HUGS’ on it next to a stall with a rainbow flag selling t-shirts. The wolf angrily got to his feet and said “You got a problem you Jeanie looking faggot motherfucker?”

“Please help me!” Zomnision whimpered as the wolf man picked him up by his frilly collar. He was burping and coughing and leaking a strange clear liquid out of his mouth and nose and eyes.

“What the fuck is wrong with you man?” The wolf said as he pushed him away, wiping his furry paws on himself, looking at the strange liquid. “What is this? It stinks!”

Zomnision tumbled into a pile of furries who were writhing around in a big inflatable ball pool.

“Hey man you’re not a furry” A blue fox with straps across his chest said in the pile.

“Yeah get lost buddy, furries only” A green otter person wearing a pirate hat and eyepatch said.

“Yiff your own kind!” A grey wolf wearing a neckerchief said.

“Get a furself or get out pal” A brown bear in a bikini said in a threatening man’s voice.

“Please, I need help!” Zomnision gurgled, the noises in his stomach were audible to all now and there was movement under his clothes. He seemed to be puffing up, getting larger, his skin bubbling. “It’s in me, I can’t keep it in anymore, it’s growing!”

They furries couldn’t not see it now, Zomnision’s flesh was unnaturally distended. It was stretching as some build up of pressure was pushing his gut and neck and cheeks out. He was filling up like a balloon all the veins raising under his skin like he decompressing.

“What the hell is wrong with this guy, is this some kind of joke?” A man dressed as a Gerbil painted in the colours of the swedish flag.

“What do we do?” A goffer dressed as willy wonka asked.

“Pop him with a pin” A ferret cosplaying as Jack Sparrow asked.

“I can use my claws” A badger wearing an army helmet said.

“You’re not a real badger gary!” The gofferman said.

“I am too, that’s ignorant!” Gary responded.

“I can’t hold it anymore!” Zomnision screamed, his eyes popping out of their sockets, his skin tight and taught and white. There was so much force on his body they could hear his blood vessels popping, his bones creaking as they bent.

“He’s gonna blow!” An owl dressed as Hulk Hogan squawked.

A thundercrack of an unhuman fart ripped through the convention. Within a matter of seconds a thick green gaseous mist spread through the stalls. Saturating the entirity of the convention centre touching everything, filling the room like a vacuum. A green poodle in a top hat and monocle noticed it first breathing it in and passing out, but not before dropping the monocle in it’s drink. Next a parrot in a sombrero inhaled and keeled over. Panic spread as fast as the mist and a stampede for the door was inevitable but it was too late. They were bottle necked, trapped like crabs in a bucket as the mist engulfed them and put them down on the ground unlikely to get up.

Waves of multi-coloured wolves with mutlitcoloured hair and foxes and horse people fell to the ground. Within a matter of moments the convention centre fell silent.

~

I didn’t wanna do this today.

But I felt I had to.

I don’t know, I don’t know why I bother, I don’t know why I bothered with any of it. Just rambling.

I think something like a grand total of three days I was happy and I knew it couldn’t last because it never does.

We’re immune to happiness, untouched by comfort, invulnerable to stability and we sabotage every chance we get and keep going around in circles getting nowhere.

It’s the definition of insanity.

Because we’re afraid, terrified. Of love and life and normality and being fulfilled and happy, it chills us to the bone.

Is there a place for people like us? People for us? Probably not. We’ll have to live or die with that.

The truth is there was no fate, or hand of god or luck, just a big cosmic joke, a joke at our expense, to fall so deeply in love with someone so incompatible in every sense of the word.

I honestly think she’ll be better raised by one parent, better one parent than two parents that hate each other, or just love to fight each other or love to hate each other.

Either way, it ends for good.

 

Caralee,

I’ll miss that smile now,

Maybe I’ll see it someday

When I close my eyes.

 

I will wait for you,

A cool breeze and a warm sun,

I’ll be there waiting.

 

When you need me most,

I will never leave your side,

I’ll be there always.

 

All my love,

Daddy.

GS2 Chapter 2 ‘LionKiler’

Here we are again, you must be masochists. Another, yes another chapter of unedited goodness of Green Sunday’s second outing and my hasn’t she been busy, actually no wait, she isn’t even in this chapter, scratch that. Got some shiny characters for y’all to love and hate.

(Also got some more pictures of green haired chicks haha)

Ok, so, GS2 is done, the ending turned out pretty decent. I know it’s a dumb book, but I feel good about it, like it’ll surprise some people, because for all it’s silliness, there is a semblance of a story building, of relationships forming of characters growing and it does my heart good. And of course soon I’ll be delving into more serious works so I can’t wait for that.

Just proofreading as we speak, talking to Mike from Pagdon illustration about the next cover, this one is gonna be fucking nuts, I can’t wait. I should have it up and selling fairly soon, just editing and hacking away at the usual spammistry. I do love to grind and facebook as always makes it so much fun, adding that extra spice of internet shekel grabbing cancer. I must have been post blocked more than ‘literally hitler’.

As always, link below to the full unedited chapter and if you’re new and want to buy the first book head on over to amazon with this lovely little linkle; Green Sunday 1

And yeah I know it says it’s chapter 3 on inkitt, well who you gonna believe me or them?

LionKiller

“Rigby.” Evergreen turned to his right keeping his eyes on this strange little man. A mercenary not wearing a mask, came up beside him carrying a carbon fibre case in one hand. The Merc was tall and broad with fair hair and the face of a rugby player. Looked less like a face and more like two fists trying to fuck as he scrunched it up trying to size up the strange Frenchman.

Rigby eyed the strange man up and down, like he was looking at leprechaun that just jumped out of his cereal. Continuing to stare at the odd spectacle of a man, he craned his neck back as Evergreen opened the case in his arms.

Evergreen pulled out what looked like an oxygen tank. A truck on the highway behind the tall trees shielding them from the road rushed by honking at the sun going down.

Evergreen let the heavy tank fall by his side as he turned to the strange Frenchman.

He held up a nozzle as he spoke which was connected to the pressurized gas canister and said “A pressurized gas gun. Used by lock smiths to push locks out of their frames. Something similar used by slaughterhouses to kill cattle. Shoots a jet of highly condensed air when a seal is made and it can prove quite destructive.” He said as he handed it to the Frenchman who eyed it with fascination for a moment.

“Mai qui, how you say? ‘What a piece of crap’. I would maybe be better with my dick in my hand.” The Frenchman laughed as he messed with the nozzle shooting out little jets of air messing up the curly hair under his beanie riding high on his head. He squinted and smiled before tossing it back towards Evergreen, landing at his feet.

Rigby picked up the canister still eyeing the Frenchman with an odd distasteful expression and put it back in the case and sealed it shut.

“I find something in town maybe.” He shrugged scrunching up his multiple stubbly chins. He smiled and said ”see you, aurevoir!” As he pushed passed the mercs and started walking towards the main road. “TAXI!” He called out as he climbed an embankment pushing through the trees to get to the road

Rigby watched him go and said in a broad Yorkshire accent “What a total twat”.

Evergreen let out a sigh in agreement.

Book Giveaway, get dem free e-books yo!

Hey der,

So I’m doing this promotional junk for this site that got me a few more reviews for my shekels, it’s a pretty cool deal, just emails for a chance to win a bunch of free ebooks, mine included.

You just sign up and pick a genre I think, and if you win, you get the books. No money down, for a chance to win some free entertainment for your e-devices.

Win up to 12+ Literary/General eBooks!

(2) Grand Prize “Gift Baskets” of ALL eBooks!

(12+) Winners of Individual eBooks (randomly selected titles)

TOTCB Chapter 8 ‘God’s away on Business’

Hey there,

First official book is out and it already has a handful of great reviews, seven to be exact. I’m pretty happy about that, one or two in there really get what I was going for, that’s great. But as my publisher tells me ‘it’s a marathon, not a sprint’, so more will come in given time and effort and I need to get back to the daily grind of writing and editing.

Oh yeah almost forgot, I finished Green Sunday part 2 yesterday. It is done, just needs a little proofreading from yours truly, then off it goes to get edited and back to me for another proofread and then into your hands hopefully and I haven’t even got my author copies of book one yet haha.

I should be really excited, it feels like an eternity I’ve been waiting to start that Dexter spin-off/spiritual successor/inspired book and I’m finally going to be let loose on that. It feels almost sanctified, like all I’ve done has been building to this, the wacky loose comedy and violence of Green Sunday and the stark disturbing dreaminess of Ladies Close your eyes and the stark reality of The one that came back coming together to make this next series, bringing all those elements together to make a whole stronger than all of them.

I say I should be happy about it but bummed out from a day of sucking at Gwent haha.

I am happy, but there’s always that sliver of melancholy that sneaks in when you finish anything you put your heart and soul into. It’s like a reward in a way.

Anyway, the next chapter of TOTCB or an excerpt of is below, you can find the full chapter on the inkitt page with the link below as usual. Still having it edited so if you sign up to my mailing list you can get yourself a free copy when it’s finished.

See you…

God’s away on business

It was happy hour.

Porter was sitting at the bar with an untouched pink flamingo cocktail in his hand. His other hand held his chin as he leaned with his elbow on a damp beer mat. It was dark outside but still warm.

“Phone for you Porter!” Patrick said at the back of the bar. Porter didn’t even hear it ring. The bar was full, locals mostly and a couple of college kids that looked lost.

Porter walked around the bar trying not to fall over a guy in a hockey jersey who couln’t find his feet.

The phone was on the end of the bar itself, all the way in the back.

Patrick wasn’t waiting he left the receiver on the side and Porter picked it up and put it to his hear.

“Porter”

“Dear god, you sound terrible”. A quick snippy new Yorker accent rattled around in his ear like a bad penny circling the drain.

“Wrong number, god’s away on business”

“It’s Phil” He sounded, his voice rising at the end like that should mean something.

“…”

“Phil Robertson from Channel eight action news.” He said it almost like a chant, ‘I think therefore I am’.

Porter licked the corner of his mouth.

“You remember me you prick” Phil smiled on the other end.

“I remember, what is it?”

“You been watching the news at all?”

“I don’t have all day” Porter was used to long stories from people who liked to talk but not on the phone.

“Sure you do, who are you kidding? All you micks do is sit around that bar waiting for someone to bludgeon you with a chair leg”

“Is it a job?”

“It’s a job.”

“Yeah?” Porter was waking up now. His eyes were half open and he slipped a carton of cigarettes out of his pocket and pushed one between his lips. He looked up and saw his brother signalling for him to put it away with a soggy bar towel twisting between his hands.

“Usual rate plus expenses”

Porter grimaced and put the whole pack down. He glared at his brother who smiled like a cherub, tossing the bar towel over his shoulder. Slapping himself in the face with it on accident to the great joy of a local tout

“Better not be anything to do with a sextape, I’m done with celebrity bullshit.” Porter felt antsy, he needed to put something in his mouth. He reached for a handful of bar nuts and started crunching them into the receiver.

“No it’s nothing like that, are you hearing a crackling sound?”

“No”

“Must be on my end. There’s this kid, he was on the news, it was leaked by someone on the inside. We don’t know who and we can’t get in touch with anyone from the embassy who’ll talk to us”.

“The job?”

“Ok ok, I just want you to track him down so we can set up an interview that’s all. He’s in San Antonio but that’s all I know, that’s not too far from you right?”

“Right”

“So you’ll do it?”

“Yeah, I’ll do it”

“Great, great, the kids name is Johnny Bartlett and his sister’s name is Peggy Carson. You might do better going through her. Supposedly this kid has been missing for over four years. Do you need me to spell any of that, are you writing this down?”

“No”

“You sure?”

“Yeah”.

“Ok keep me posted, I’ve already got a crew set up in north san antone. The address is K335 Northwest Loop 410, it’s along the freeway, you can’t miss it”.

“That all?”

“Just find’em and get’em there, that’s all”

“Right” Porter said as he hung up the phone.

 

 

Caralee

Coldest dark winter,

Her smile lights up my whole world,

Could I go without?

 

A single moment,

Just to have her smile at me,

Spring and summer both,

 

Would pale before that,

Caralee you’re in my  dreams,

I cherish you there.

It’s here! GREEN SUNDAY launches finally.

It done launched, and I are pleased… is what I would say if I were suffering from a serious head injury.

Yes, it finally exists, well it always existed, I mean this time it exists for money.

After much painstaking, blood sweating and tear jerking, it is here, the first in a series that I am sure will shock, confuse and make a whole generation cringe and probably vomit and laugh at the same time.

I had a great deal of fun writing it and the sequel which is on it’s way in the upcoming months and I just hope everyone following me on this journey garners even ten percent of the fun I had putting it together.

Just wanted to thank everyone who helped me through it, my first editor Nat Andrews of Girl and Cat pub, Brian Parker of Muddy boots for picking it up and everyone along the way that told me what I had wasn’t a total pile of steaming garbage or at least intimated it was top tier garbage.

So thanks to you guys and if anyone is reading and hasn’t either bamboozled me out of a free review copy or bought their very own copy, it is available in hard and e-copies on amazon with an audio book to come. So hold out for that and follow the links to amazon below to give me those shekels for my hard graft.
Pick up your copy of GREEN SUNDAY for launch price of 99c just for this week.

See you…

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